Conception
There are some pretty important basics that you should be aware of if you want to successfully conceive.
Successful conception is dependent on a man producing a healthy sperm, which then fertilises a healthy egg from a woman. What you may not be aware of is that beyond just having regular intercourse, there is a rather tricky sequence of events involved.
If your partner has talked about ovulation, checking mucus, checking body temperature or working out the length of her cycle and you are not entirely sure what this all means, then read on.
Ovulation Ovulation is the development and release of an ovum (egg) from a woman's ovaries. A woman is fertile around the time of the month that she is ovulating. The Ovarian cycle, which results in a woman having a menstrual period, usually occurs in cycles of approximately 28 days (though this can vary). Ovulation generally occurs at about the middle of the cycle, or 14 days before the first day of a woman's menstrual period.
Many women find that it can take time to accurately determine when ovulation is occurring . While there are various indicators, they are not always as straight forward as they sound. Two ways that women can determine whether they are ovulating are;
Observing changes in cervical mucusMucus increases in volume as the monthly cycle progresses and becomes more plentiful and slippery (often described as the consistency of raw egg white) during ovulation.
Checking basal body temperatureIf your partner is checking and charting her temperature every morning, she is looking for a pattern during her cycle, which will indicate when she is ovulating. Prior to ovulation temperature drops slightly, then following ovulation temperature increases and remains high for the rest of the cycle. Once this pattern is determined, you will know your fertile period of the month.
EjaculationAs you know, this is your job! On average about two thirds of a teaspoonful of seminal fluid is expelled on ejaculation, containing about 210 - 525 million sperm. About one quarter of these sperm will be abnormal and the remaining three quarters will be capable of independent movement which is needed to reach the fallopian tube. Once the sperm enter the vagina, they will be deterred from continuing on their path by the slightly acidic vaginal secretions. Of the millions of sperm released in each ejaculation, only a few hundred will reach the female egg in the fallopian tube.Conception Prior to conception, an egg was released from one of your partner's ovaries and began to travel down the fallopian tube. At the moment of conception, one of your sperm met, entered and fertilised your partner's egg, which then sealed itself off to exclude all other sperm.
When your sperm fertilise your partner's egg, the genes or chromosomes from each of you combine to create a cell. This cell then starts to divide, becoming a collection of cells, or blastocyst.
The blastocyst continues to divide and grow, moving down the fallopian tube until it reaches the uterus (or womb) between 3 and 7 days later. Once in the uterus, the blastocyst will implant itself into the lining of the uterus, but before this happens, a change occurs. The blastocyst creates a liquid pocket in its centre. This fluid space creates a division in the blastocyst, resulting in an inner cell mass, which will form the embryo, and an outer trophoblast, which will form the placenta.
About a week after conception, the outer cells help the blastocyst to implant or embed into the lining of the uterus so that it can seek nourishment. As a result of the hormone changes following conception, the lining of the uterus has already become thicker and has an increased blood supply in preparation for implantation. The process of implantation usually takes about one week.
When is the best time to have sex?A woman's most fertile period is from four to five days before ovulation to 24 hours afterward. Basically, sperm cells can live for 72 hours but unless fertilised, ova survive no longer than 24 hours.
If you and your partner are trying for a baby, the best times to have intercourse are in the days immediately preceding ovulation and the day of ovulation. If your partner cannot determine when she is ovulating, one suggestion is to have intercourse every second day from day 10 to day 18 of her ovarian cycle (the most likely period of ovulation for most women).
When should you worry about your fertility?Considering that at your most fertile peak (around 24) you only have about a 25% chance of falling pregnant during every cycle, most Health Practitioners will probably advise you not to worry for at least twelve months. In most cases, specialists will not see you until you have been having regular intercourse and trying to fall pregnant for at least a year.
Remember, while it often seems that everyone else suddenly fell pregnant, they may have been trying for some time. The best way to increase your chances of falling pregnant each month is to identify your partner's peak fertile period and then ensure you have sex at that time of the month. If you have any concerns, however, it is important to talk to your partner, and your Health Practitioner to get answers to your questions.
Sometimes it is useful to talk to others to find out how long it took them to fall pregnant. You may be surprised to find that it's not uncommon for a couple to take over twelve months to fall pregnant, especially as they get older.
My partner seems preoccupied with falling pregnant. Is this normal?While you may not be concerned about how quickly your partner falls pregnant, she may seem to become pre-occupied about fertile periods and how long it is taking.
Remember that a woman who is trying to fall pregnant has made a committment to a major life changing experience - for many women this usually involves making some fundamental lifestyle choices! Having decided to have a baby, women should avoid alcohol and cigarettes, eat a healthy and nutritious diet, start an exercise routine and make any other necessary adjustments to their lifestyle BEFORE falling pregnant.
Having done all of this, your partner usually won't be able to confirm a pregnancy until at least two weeks after conception or until her period is late. This means that for at least two weeks of every menstrual cycle, your partner is aware that she "might" be pregnant. It is difficult for a woman not to feel preoccupied under these circumstances.
Also, as many couples are postponing having children until later due to career, travel or other reasons, the tendency for a woman to plan her life, including planning when she will have a baby, is common. Many women are accustomed to making a decision and acting on it, while conceiving a child does not fit into that mode of thought. This can be extremely frustrating in itself.
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
Atom Smasher Breaks down
The huge particle collider built to simulate the conditions of the "Big Bang" will not restart until the European spring 2009 after a weekend technical glitch, the European Organisation for Nuclear Research (CERN) said on Tuesday.
A helium leak into the tunnel housing the biggest and most complex machine ever made forced CERN to shut down its Large Hadron Collider (LHC) on Saturday, just 10 days after starting it up.
CERN Director-General Robert Aymar said this was a psychological blow after a successful start of the LHC following years of painstaking preparation by skilled teams of scientists.
"I have no doubt that we will overcome this setback with the same degree of rigour and application," he said in a statement.
The most likely cause of the leak of helium into the LHC's 17-mile (27-km) tunnel under the French-Swiss border was a faulty electrical connection between two of the accelerator's giant magnets, CERN said.
For a full understanding of the incident scientists must now raise those sectors of the tunnel back to room temperature from its operating temperature of minus 271.3 degrees Celsius (minus 456.3 degrees Fahrenheit) and open the magnets for inspection, a process taking 3-4 weeks.
This investigation and repairs, followed by CERN's winter maintenance period, will push back the restart of the accelerator complex to early spring 2009, CERN said.
CERN will then resume sending beams of particles around the tunnel, as it did successfully after starting up the LHC on Sept. 10. The next step is to smash beams travelling in opposite directions into each other at nearly the speed of light.
This would attempt to recreate on a miniature scale the heat and energy of the Big Bang, the explosion generally believed by cosmologists to be at the origin of our expanding universe.
At full speed the LHC will engineer 600 million collisions every second of subatomic particles called protons, which will explode in a burst of new and previously unseen types of particles.
The experiment could confirm the existence of the Higgs Boson, a theoretical particle named after Peter Higgs who first proposed it in 1964 as a way of explaining how matter has mass.
CERN, which has had to dismiss suggestions that its experiment could create tiny black holes of intense gravity that could swallow up the whole of planet Earth, says there was never any risk to people from the malfunction
A helium leak into the tunnel housing the biggest and most complex machine ever made forced CERN to shut down its Large Hadron Collider (LHC) on Saturday, just 10 days after starting it up.
CERN Director-General Robert Aymar said this was a psychological blow after a successful start of the LHC following years of painstaking preparation by skilled teams of scientists.
"I have no doubt that we will overcome this setback with the same degree of rigour and application," he said in a statement.
The most likely cause of the leak of helium into the LHC's 17-mile (27-km) tunnel under the French-Swiss border was a faulty electrical connection between two of the accelerator's giant magnets, CERN said.
For a full understanding of the incident scientists must now raise those sectors of the tunnel back to room temperature from its operating temperature of minus 271.3 degrees Celsius (minus 456.3 degrees Fahrenheit) and open the magnets for inspection, a process taking 3-4 weeks.
This investigation and repairs, followed by CERN's winter maintenance period, will push back the restart of the accelerator complex to early spring 2009, CERN said.
CERN will then resume sending beams of particles around the tunnel, as it did successfully after starting up the LHC on Sept. 10. The next step is to smash beams travelling in opposite directions into each other at nearly the speed of light.
This would attempt to recreate on a miniature scale the heat and energy of the Big Bang, the explosion generally believed by cosmologists to be at the origin of our expanding universe.
At full speed the LHC will engineer 600 million collisions every second of subatomic particles called protons, which will explode in a burst of new and previously unseen types of particles.
The experiment could confirm the existence of the Higgs Boson, a theoretical particle named after Peter Higgs who first proposed it in 1964 as a way of explaining how matter has mass.
CERN, which has had to dismiss suggestions that its experiment could create tiny black holes of intense gravity that could swallow up the whole of planet Earth, says there was never any risk to people from the malfunction
The 7 secrets of a Conient & Secure Woman
The Seven Secrets of a Confident & Secure Woman by Scott Smallwood
1. A confident & secure woman REPOSITIONS HERSELF
A confident woman never forgets the one thing that never changes –THINGS CONSTANTLY CHANGE.
With the winds of change ever blowing, a secure woman realizes that she may not currently possess all the tools that will take her to her goal, but she’s always ready to learn what she needs to know in order to get there. This may mean going back to school, changing job or vocations or even moving to a different location, but she is ready, willing and able to adapt to changing circumstances.
2. A confident & secure woman KNOWS HOW TO GIVE AND TAKE
A confident woman understands that the gift is in the giving. She knows the laws that tell her what she gives will return to her several times over. She will give her time, energy and even her heart to those who need her. However, she also knows that she is not a super human and she does not over-extend herself. She regularly takes time for herself! She also recognizes that she has limits and, at times, finds herself in a position of needing assistance and is not afraid to ask for what she needs.
3. A confident & secure woman LIVES IN THE PRESENT
Dwelling on the past or worrying about the future is the bread of idleness that a confident woman refuses to eat. When recalling the past, she does not allow herself to dwell there but, rather, refocuses on the here and now. She understands that her past experiences, whether joyful or painful, are a part of her and have made her the confident person that she is today. She learns from the past and uses that information for current decision making. She has hopes for the future and engages in the occasional daydream while keeping herself solidly in the present tense of her life.
4. A confident & secure woman KEEPS HERE EYE ON THE PRIZE
Not everything we do comes up roses. To expect perfection is cavalier, but to know that mistakes are a part of the journey is wisdom. This knowledge allows the confident woman to refuse to pity herself when something doesn’t turn out as she’d hoped or expected it would.
5. A confident & secure woman KNOWS HOW TO SAY NO
Women have too little time and too much responsibility. The demands of jobs, child care, household duties, etc. are often draining. Having time to herself seems to be a far-fetched dream for many women.
The confident woman knows her limits and her need for self care. She understands that in order to be able to accomplish all that she wants/needs to do, she MUST have adequate energy reserves from which to draw. While sympathetic and even flattered when her phone rings off the hook with others making requests of her, she is able to pick and choose those people or causes to which/whom she will devote her time and energy. She knows when she needs to politely decline so that she will have time to recharge herself or to ward off becoming overwhelmed. She also does not feel a need to offer apologies or excuses for needing to do so.
6. A confident & secure woman TRUSTS HER INNER VOICE
While she may occasionally feel uncertain or seek the counsel of others, the confident woman knows deep down that her own heart will give her the direction she needs. While this intuition may be said to be a characteristic of all women, it is one that becomes refined only with age, wisdom and experience. The secure woman will carefully consider all the information at her disposal, seek advice from those she respects and then turn to that little voice inside of herself and become her own best counsel.
7. A confident & secure woman DOESN’T SWEAT THE SMALL STUFF
If we allow ourselves to think too much about something or consider every little thing that could possibly come up or go awry, we can soon make mountains out of molehills. The secure woman is able to separate the chaff from the grain and focus only on those things of primary concern to her in any situation. She does not micro manage herself or her affairs. Rather, she focuses on the broader picture along with the key ingredients that are needed to solve her problem or reach her goal. She possesses inner strength and the wisdom to be able to create, change and adapt as necessary.
1. A confident & secure woman REPOSITIONS HERSELF
A confident woman never forgets the one thing that never changes –THINGS CONSTANTLY CHANGE.
With the winds of change ever blowing, a secure woman realizes that she may not currently possess all the tools that will take her to her goal, but she’s always ready to learn what she needs to know in order to get there. This may mean going back to school, changing job or vocations or even moving to a different location, but she is ready, willing and able to adapt to changing circumstances.
2. A confident & secure woman KNOWS HOW TO GIVE AND TAKE
A confident woman understands that the gift is in the giving. She knows the laws that tell her what she gives will return to her several times over. She will give her time, energy and even her heart to those who need her. However, she also knows that she is not a super human and she does not over-extend herself. She regularly takes time for herself! She also recognizes that she has limits and, at times, finds herself in a position of needing assistance and is not afraid to ask for what she needs.
3. A confident & secure woman LIVES IN THE PRESENT
Dwelling on the past or worrying about the future is the bread of idleness that a confident woman refuses to eat. When recalling the past, she does not allow herself to dwell there but, rather, refocuses on the here and now. She understands that her past experiences, whether joyful or painful, are a part of her and have made her the confident person that she is today. She learns from the past and uses that information for current decision making. She has hopes for the future and engages in the occasional daydream while keeping herself solidly in the present tense of her life.
4. A confident & secure woman KEEPS HERE EYE ON THE PRIZE
Not everything we do comes up roses. To expect perfection is cavalier, but to know that mistakes are a part of the journey is wisdom. This knowledge allows the confident woman to refuse to pity herself when something doesn’t turn out as she’d hoped or expected it would.
5. A confident & secure woman KNOWS HOW TO SAY NO
Women have too little time and too much responsibility. The demands of jobs, child care, household duties, etc. are often draining. Having time to herself seems to be a far-fetched dream for many women.
The confident woman knows her limits and her need for self care. She understands that in order to be able to accomplish all that she wants/needs to do, she MUST have adequate energy reserves from which to draw. While sympathetic and even flattered when her phone rings off the hook with others making requests of her, she is able to pick and choose those people or causes to which/whom she will devote her time and energy. She knows when she needs to politely decline so that she will have time to recharge herself or to ward off becoming overwhelmed. She also does not feel a need to offer apologies or excuses for needing to do so.
6. A confident & secure woman TRUSTS HER INNER VOICE
While she may occasionally feel uncertain or seek the counsel of others, the confident woman knows deep down that her own heart will give her the direction she needs. While this intuition may be said to be a characteristic of all women, it is one that becomes refined only with age, wisdom and experience. The secure woman will carefully consider all the information at her disposal, seek advice from those she respects and then turn to that little voice inside of herself and become her own best counsel.
7. A confident & secure woman DOESN’T SWEAT THE SMALL STUFF
If we allow ourselves to think too much about something or consider every little thing that could possibly come up or go awry, we can soon make mountains out of molehills. The secure woman is able to separate the chaff from the grain and focus only on those things of primary concern to her in any situation. She does not micro manage herself or her affairs. Rather, she focuses on the broader picture along with the key ingredients that are needed to solve her problem or reach her goal. She possesses inner strength and the wisdom to be able to create, change and adapt as necessary.
Sunday, August 10, 2008
8 Maariiage Ruts... Are you in One?
8 Marriage Ruts: Are You In One?
Whether you've been married for three months or three years, here's how to get out of routines that hurt your relationship. By The Nest Editors
Rut #1: Watching TV During DinnerWhy it's bad: Having dinner together offers valuable face time with your partner. Turning on the tube competes for attention and cuts in on your time to catch up and connect after so many hours spent apart.How to stop: Set aside 30 to 45 minutes of one-on-one talk time with the TV off every night. This shows your spouse that when you're not at work, you're devoted to your home and family. During this time, ignore your phone and leave the BlackBerry in another room. You'll feel closer within days.
Rut #2: Going Too Long Without SexWhy it's bad: If the amount of sex you're used to having starts to slide, your body and brain can get used to the decreased intimacy, causing you to go even longer without wanting that closeness.How to stop: Don't wait until you feel like doing it. Initiate sex when you're open to doing it, rather than when you have the desire. This will jump-start your feelings so you'll crave it more often.
Rut #3: Going a Whole Workday Without Talking to Your SweetheartWhy it's bad: You'll start growing apart emotionally after subconsciously feeling like the other person doesn't think about you (and your needs) during the day.How to stop: Initiate daily contact by sending a quick "How's your day?" email. And make the effort to do something nice every day (pick up his fave dessert, call from the store to see if she needs something). It shows forethought and consideration for your partner's needs.
Rut #4: Tuning Each Other OutWhy it's bad: You're disengaging from each other.How to stop: Make an effort to do small things such as kissing before saying good-bye, making eye contact when talking, and complimenting each other frequently throughout the week. Does he not seem to hear you talking during certain times (ahem, when ESPN is on)? Don't try to make conversation while the TV is on. If it's important, press mute; otherwise, save conversations for dinner or your bedroom, where you're less likely to be interrupted.
Rut #5: Not FightingWhy it's bad: Disagreements are good in a marriage because you're expressing your individuality. Talking about issues when they first happen makes them easier to fix than if you wait until after they've festered.How to stop: Bring up what's on your mind in a way that shows your admiration and respect for each other's thoughts and feelings. Like, "It hurts my feelings when ______. I was hoping we could figure out a new way to handle the situation together." This will set the tone of the conversation as loving and calm, but you both have to compromise to keep it that way.
Rut #6: Going out More with Friends Than with Your SpouseWhy it's bad: It sends the message that your friends are more worthy of your time.How to stop: Schedule nights out with your crew a few times a month, but make sure to let your partner know in advance. It's important to have these friendships as long as they don't make your married time sparse. And it's always best that these friends are people your partner knows and trusts, so there's less reason to worry.
Rut #7: Being Too CloseWhy it's bad: As much as you think burping, scratching, picking, or farting is funny or cute, it can backfire and cross the line. It may be a reflection of your closeness, but there should be a limit. Otherwise, you're leaving your partner with a very unsexy image of you.How to stop: Start a new rule. If you wouldn't do it in front of your work friends, don't do it in front of your honey. To get your mate to refrain, say: "I know we're close, and we can share everything, but I'd really appreciate it if you'd leave the room, or leave me out, when you do that. It's not very sexy, and I don't want anything that makes you less sexy to me."
Rut #8: Sharing Too Much with Your Parents or In-lawsWhy it's bad: This shows a lack of loyalty to your spouse. Your parents shouldn't have any information that your spouse doesn't have. And they shouldn't know anything he wouldn't want them to know.How to stop: Be loyal to your spouse even when she's not present. If you wouldn't say something in front of her, don't say it at all. You would want the same in return.
[Nestpert] Dr. Susan Fletcher is a licensed psychologist in private practice and the author of Parenting in the Smart Zone
Whether you've been married for three months or three years, here's how to get out of routines that hurt your relationship. By The Nest Editors
Rut #1: Watching TV During DinnerWhy it's bad: Having dinner together offers valuable face time with your partner. Turning on the tube competes for attention and cuts in on your time to catch up and connect after so many hours spent apart.How to stop: Set aside 30 to 45 minutes of one-on-one talk time with the TV off every night. This shows your spouse that when you're not at work, you're devoted to your home and family. During this time, ignore your phone and leave the BlackBerry in another room. You'll feel closer within days.
Rut #2: Going Too Long Without SexWhy it's bad: If the amount of sex you're used to having starts to slide, your body and brain can get used to the decreased intimacy, causing you to go even longer without wanting that closeness.How to stop: Don't wait until you feel like doing it. Initiate sex when you're open to doing it, rather than when you have the desire. This will jump-start your feelings so you'll crave it more often.
Rut #3: Going a Whole Workday Without Talking to Your SweetheartWhy it's bad: You'll start growing apart emotionally after subconsciously feeling like the other person doesn't think about you (and your needs) during the day.How to stop: Initiate daily contact by sending a quick "How's your day?" email. And make the effort to do something nice every day (pick up his fave dessert, call from the store to see if she needs something). It shows forethought and consideration for your partner's needs.
Rut #4: Tuning Each Other OutWhy it's bad: You're disengaging from each other.How to stop: Make an effort to do small things such as kissing before saying good-bye, making eye contact when talking, and complimenting each other frequently throughout the week. Does he not seem to hear you talking during certain times (ahem, when ESPN is on)? Don't try to make conversation while the TV is on. If it's important, press mute; otherwise, save conversations for dinner or your bedroom, where you're less likely to be interrupted.
Rut #5: Not FightingWhy it's bad: Disagreements are good in a marriage because you're expressing your individuality. Talking about issues when they first happen makes them easier to fix than if you wait until after they've festered.How to stop: Bring up what's on your mind in a way that shows your admiration and respect for each other's thoughts and feelings. Like, "It hurts my feelings when ______. I was hoping we could figure out a new way to handle the situation together." This will set the tone of the conversation as loving and calm, but you both have to compromise to keep it that way.
Rut #6: Going out More with Friends Than with Your SpouseWhy it's bad: It sends the message that your friends are more worthy of your time.How to stop: Schedule nights out with your crew a few times a month, but make sure to let your partner know in advance. It's important to have these friendships as long as they don't make your married time sparse. And it's always best that these friends are people your partner knows and trusts, so there's less reason to worry.
Rut #7: Being Too CloseWhy it's bad: As much as you think burping, scratching, picking, or farting is funny or cute, it can backfire and cross the line. It may be a reflection of your closeness, but there should be a limit. Otherwise, you're leaving your partner with a very unsexy image of you.How to stop: Start a new rule. If you wouldn't do it in front of your work friends, don't do it in front of your honey. To get your mate to refrain, say: "I know we're close, and we can share everything, but I'd really appreciate it if you'd leave the room, or leave me out, when you do that. It's not very sexy, and I don't want anything that makes you less sexy to me."
Rut #8: Sharing Too Much with Your Parents or In-lawsWhy it's bad: This shows a lack of loyalty to your spouse. Your parents shouldn't have any information that your spouse doesn't have. And they shouldn't know anything he wouldn't want them to know.How to stop: Be loyal to your spouse even when she's not present. If you wouldn't say something in front of her, don't say it at all. You would want the same in return.
[Nestpert] Dr. Susan Fletcher is a licensed psychologist in private practice and the author of Parenting in the Smart Zone
Monday, July 21, 2008
I feared
I Feared UNTIL……!!! I feared being aloneUntil I learned to like Myself.I feared failureUntil I realized that I only Fail when I don't try.I feared successUntil I realized that I had to try in order to be happy with myself..************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ***
I feared people's opinionsUntil I learned that people would have opinions about me anyway. I feared rejectionUntil I learned to have faith in myself.I feared painUntil I learned that it's necessary for growth************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* *******
I feared the truthUntil I saw the ugliness in lies.I feared lifeUntil I experienced its beauty .I feared deathUntil I realized that it's not an end, but a beginning. ************ ********* ********* ********* ****** I feared my destiny,Until I realized that I had the power to change my life.I feared hateUntil I saw that it was nothing more than ignorance.I feared loveUntil it touched my heart, making the darkness fade into endless sunny days.************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* *******I feared ridiculeUntil I learned how to laugh at myself. I feared growing oldUntil I realized that I gained wisdom every day.I feared the futureUntil I realized that Life just kept getting better.I feared the past Until I realized that It could no longer hurt me.************ ********* ********* ********* **
I feared the darkUntil I saw the beauty of the starlight.I feared the lightUntil I learned that the Truth would give me Strength.I feared change,Until I saw that even the most beautiful butterfly had to undergo a Metamorphosis before it could fly.************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* *
I feared people's opinionsUntil I learned that people would have opinions about me anyway. I feared rejectionUntil I learned to have faith in myself.I feared painUntil I learned that it's necessary for growth************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* *******
I feared the truthUntil I saw the ugliness in lies.I feared lifeUntil I experienced its beauty .I feared deathUntil I realized that it's not an end, but a beginning. ************ ********* ********* ********* ****** I feared my destiny,Until I realized that I had the power to change my life.I feared hateUntil I saw that it was nothing more than ignorance.I feared loveUntil it touched my heart, making the darkness fade into endless sunny days.************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* *******I feared ridiculeUntil I learned how to laugh at myself. I feared growing oldUntil I realized that I gained wisdom every day.I feared the futureUntil I realized that Life just kept getting better.I feared the past Until I realized that It could no longer hurt me.************ ********* ********* ********* **
I feared the darkUntil I saw the beauty of the starlight.I feared the lightUntil I learned that the Truth would give me Strength.I feared change,Until I saw that even the most beautiful butterfly had to undergo a Metamorphosis before it could fly.************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* *
Thursday, July 10, 2008
8 Hiring MistakesEmployers Make
Hiring decisions that result in "bad" hires sap your organization's time, training resources, and psychic energy. These are the top hiring mistakes to avoid during your recruiting and hiring process. Do these eight activities with care; your recruiting, interviewing and hiring practices will result in better hires. Better hires will help you develop a strong, healthy, productive, competitive organization.
Here are eight recruiting and hiring mistakes to avoid.
1. Do Not Pre-screen Candidates
A half hour phone call can save hours of your organization's time. Pre-screening applicants is a must for recruiting and hiring the best employees. You can discover whether the candidate has the knowledge and experience you need. You can screen for applicants who expect a salary that is out of your league. You can gain a sense about the person's congruity with your culture. Always pre-screen applicants.
2. Fail to Prepare the Candidate
If your applicant fails to ask about your company and the specifics of the job for which he or she has applied, help the applicant out. Prepare your applicants better for the interview, so interviewers spend their time on the important issues: determining the candidate's skills and fit within your culture. Prepare the candidate by describing the company, the details of the position, the background and titles of the interviewers, and whatever will eliminate time wasting while the candidate interviews within your company.
3. Fail to Prepare the Interviewers
You wouldn't choose a college for your child or launch a project without a plan. Why, then, do organizations put so little planning into interviewing candidates for positions? Interviewers need to meet in advance and create a plan. Who is responsible for which types of questions? What aspect of the candidate's credentials is each person assessing? Who is assessing culture fit. Plan to succeed in employee selection in advance.
4. Rely on the Interview to Evaluate a Candidate
The interview is a lot of talk. And most frequently, because applicants are not prepped in advance, a lot of interview time is spent giving the candidate information about your organization. Even more time is invested in different interviewers asking the candidate the same questions over and over.
During an interview, candidates tell you what they think you want to hear because they want to successfully obtain a job offer. Organizations are smart when they develop several methods for evaluating candidates in addition to the interview.
According to the Chally Group, a Human Resources consulting firm, in, The Most Common Hiring Mistakes, research at the University of Michigan found that, "The typical interview increases the likelihood of choosing the best candidate by less than 2%. In other words, if you just 'flipped' a coin you would be correct 50% of the time. If you added an interview you would only be right 52% of the time."
5. Do Nothing But Talk During an Interview
Every interview needs to have components other than questions, answers and discussion. Walk the candidate through the company. Ask about his or her experience with situations you point out during the walk. In a manufacturing company, ask how the candidate would improve a process.
Watch the candidate perform a task such as separating parts or components to get a feel for their "hands-on" ability. Have a documentation or writing candidate write a description of the steps in one of your work processes. See how quickly a person learns a particular task. Ask how the candidate would approach improving the quality of a given accounting process.
As long as you use tests and tasks that are directly related to the position for which the individual is interviewing, you will earn reams of relevent information to use in your selection process.
6. Evaluate "Personality," Not Job Skills and Experience
Sure, it would be nice for you to like everyone at work. But, this is much less important than recruiting the strongest, smartest, best candidates you can find. People tend to hire people who are similar to themselves. They are the most comfortable with those candidates, of course.
This will kill your organization over time. You need diverse people with diverse personalities to deal with diverse employees and customers. Think about the customer that drives you crazy. Isn't it likely that a new employee with a similar personality would have the same problem? Likewise, hiring a candidate because you enjoyed and liked him or her, as the main qualification, ignores your need for particular skills and experience. Don't do it.
7. Fail to Differentiate, Via Testing and Discussion, the Critical Job Skills
How do you differentiate one candidate from another? Everyone has a "wish list" for all of the qualities, skills, personality factors, experience and interests you want to see in your selected employee. You must decide on, and perhaps, test, the skills you most desire in your candidate.
What are the three - four most critical factors for contribution and success given the job, the skills of the other employees and the needs of your customers? Once you have identified these, you cannot "settle" on a candidate that does not bring these to your workplace. Or you will fail.
8. Develop a Small Candidate Pool
Take the time to build a candidate pool with several candidates who meet the needs of your organization. If you don't have to make a choice among several qualified candidates, your pool is too small. Don't "settle" for someone if you don't have the right person with the skills and experience you need. It's better to reopen your search.
These mistakes are often fatal to a candidate's ultimate success within your organization. If you do these activities successfully, you increase the probability of a happy, successful employee contributing what you need from him or her to your organization.
Here are eight recruiting and hiring mistakes to avoid.
1. Do Not Pre-screen Candidates
A half hour phone call can save hours of your organization's time. Pre-screening applicants is a must for recruiting and hiring the best employees. You can discover whether the candidate has the knowledge and experience you need. You can screen for applicants who expect a salary that is out of your league. You can gain a sense about the person's congruity with your culture. Always pre-screen applicants.
2. Fail to Prepare the Candidate
If your applicant fails to ask about your company and the specifics of the job for which he or she has applied, help the applicant out. Prepare your applicants better for the interview, so interviewers spend their time on the important issues: determining the candidate's skills and fit within your culture. Prepare the candidate by describing the company, the details of the position, the background and titles of the interviewers, and whatever will eliminate time wasting while the candidate interviews within your company.
3. Fail to Prepare the Interviewers
You wouldn't choose a college for your child or launch a project without a plan. Why, then, do organizations put so little planning into interviewing candidates for positions? Interviewers need to meet in advance and create a plan. Who is responsible for which types of questions? What aspect of the candidate's credentials is each person assessing? Who is assessing culture fit. Plan to succeed in employee selection in advance.
4. Rely on the Interview to Evaluate a Candidate
The interview is a lot of talk. And most frequently, because applicants are not prepped in advance, a lot of interview time is spent giving the candidate information about your organization. Even more time is invested in different interviewers asking the candidate the same questions over and over.
During an interview, candidates tell you what they think you want to hear because they want to successfully obtain a job offer. Organizations are smart when they develop several methods for evaluating candidates in addition to the interview.
According to the Chally Group, a Human Resources consulting firm, in, The Most Common Hiring Mistakes, research at the University of Michigan found that, "The typical interview increases the likelihood of choosing the best candidate by less than 2%. In other words, if you just 'flipped' a coin you would be correct 50% of the time. If you added an interview you would only be right 52% of the time."
5. Do Nothing But Talk During an Interview
Every interview needs to have components other than questions, answers and discussion. Walk the candidate through the company. Ask about his or her experience with situations you point out during the walk. In a manufacturing company, ask how the candidate would improve a process.
Watch the candidate perform a task such as separating parts or components to get a feel for their "hands-on" ability. Have a documentation or writing candidate write a description of the steps in one of your work processes. See how quickly a person learns a particular task. Ask how the candidate would approach improving the quality of a given accounting process.
As long as you use tests and tasks that are directly related to the position for which the individual is interviewing, you will earn reams of relevent information to use in your selection process.
6. Evaluate "Personality," Not Job Skills and Experience
Sure, it would be nice for you to like everyone at work. But, this is much less important than recruiting the strongest, smartest, best candidates you can find. People tend to hire people who are similar to themselves. They are the most comfortable with those candidates, of course.
This will kill your organization over time. You need diverse people with diverse personalities to deal with diverse employees and customers. Think about the customer that drives you crazy. Isn't it likely that a new employee with a similar personality would have the same problem? Likewise, hiring a candidate because you enjoyed and liked him or her, as the main qualification, ignores your need for particular skills and experience. Don't do it.
7. Fail to Differentiate, Via Testing and Discussion, the Critical Job Skills
How do you differentiate one candidate from another? Everyone has a "wish list" for all of the qualities, skills, personality factors, experience and interests you want to see in your selected employee. You must decide on, and perhaps, test, the skills you most desire in your candidate.
What are the three - four most critical factors for contribution and success given the job, the skills of the other employees and the needs of your customers? Once you have identified these, you cannot "settle" on a candidate that does not bring these to your workplace. Or you will fail.
8. Develop a Small Candidate Pool
Take the time to build a candidate pool with several candidates who meet the needs of your organization. If you don't have to make a choice among several qualified candidates, your pool is too small. Don't "settle" for someone if you don't have the right person with the skills and experience you need. It's better to reopen your search.
These mistakes are often fatal to a candidate's ultimate success within your organization. If you do these activities successfully, you increase the probability of a happy, successful employee contributing what you need from him or her to your organization.
Thursday, July 3, 2008
The Female always makes the Rules
1. The Female always makes The Rules.
2. The Rules are subject to change at any time without prior notification.
3. No Male can possibly know all The Rules.
4. If the Female suspects the Male knows all The Rules, she must immediately change some or all of The Rules.
5. The Female is never wrong.
6. If the Female is wrong, it is because of a flagrant misunderstanding which was a direct result of something the Male did or said wrong. (If Rule 6 applies, the Male must apologize immediately for causing the misunderstanding.)
7. The Female can change her mind at any given point in time.
8. The Male must never change his mind without express written consent from the Female.
9. The Female has every right to be angry or upset at any time.
10. The Male must remain calm at all times, unless the Female Wants him to be angry or upset.
11. The Female must under no circumstances let the Male know whether or not she wants him to be angry or upset.
12. The Male is expected to mind read at all times.
13. The Male who doesn't abide by The Rules, can't take the heat, lacks a backbone, and is a wimp.
14. Any attempt to document The Rules could result in bodily harm.
15. At no time can the Male make such comments as "Insignificant" and "Is that all?" when the Female is complaining.
16. If the Female has PMS, all The Rules are null and void!
2. The Rules are subject to change at any time without prior notification.
3. No Male can possibly know all The Rules.
4. If the Female suspects the Male knows all The Rules, she must immediately change some or all of The Rules.
5. The Female is never wrong.
6. If the Female is wrong, it is because of a flagrant misunderstanding which was a direct result of something the Male did or said wrong. (If Rule 6 applies, the Male must apologize immediately for causing the misunderstanding.)
7. The Female can change her mind at any given point in time.
8. The Male must never change his mind without express written consent from the Female.
9. The Female has every right to be angry or upset at any time.
10. The Male must remain calm at all times, unless the Female Wants him to be angry or upset.
11. The Female must under no circumstances let the Male know whether or not she wants him to be angry or upset.
12. The Male is expected to mind read at all times.
13. The Male who doesn't abide by The Rules, can't take the heat, lacks a backbone, and is a wimp.
14. Any attempt to document The Rules could result in bodily harm.
15. At no time can the Male make such comments as "Insignificant" and "Is that all?" when the Female is complaining.
16. If the Female has PMS, all The Rules are null and void!
Tuesday, June 24, 2008
The Art of SEDUCTION
The ART of SEDUCTION., revealed!
Wanna seduce your girl?
Forget those cheesy pick-up lines and expensive colognes to impress a woman.
The winning formula to land a hot date requires nothing but a straight look into her eyes accompanied by a light touch on her arm, according to a new study. The study, by scientists at Aberdeen University, has found that two-thirds of women gave a nod to dance with a man,who requested for a dance by resting his hand on her arm for a second or two. And those who did not comply with the trick and kept their hands by their side while asking the same question had a success rate of only fifty percent. In fact, women also preferred to give their phone-number to a man who touched their arm as he approached them in the street. Published in Focus Magazine , the study said that touching makes a man appear dominant, and henceforth more attractive to the opposite sex. In fact, researcher Dr Ben Jones said that making eye contact also indicates interest in a woman, but only if it is genuine. "Smiling can make you more attractive but it is worth bearing in mind that faking a smile is quite tricky," the Telegraph quoted Jones, as saying. And those men, who find it hard to fake a smile, are advised by Jones to take extra care of their skin, or stay amidst other women to appear more appealing.
NB: this email is dedicated to all upcoming & struggling 'artists', still need to get their basics right in conquest techniques
Wanna seduce your girl?
Forget those cheesy pick-up lines and expensive colognes to impress a woman.
The winning formula to land a hot date requires nothing but a straight look into her eyes accompanied by a light touch on her arm, according to a new study. The study, by scientists at Aberdeen University, has found that two-thirds of women gave a nod to dance with a man,who requested for a dance by resting his hand on her arm for a second or two. And those who did not comply with the trick and kept their hands by their side while asking the same question had a success rate of only fifty percent. In fact, women also preferred to give their phone-number to a man who touched their arm as he approached them in the street. Published in Focus Magazine , the study said that touching makes a man appear dominant, and henceforth more attractive to the opposite sex. In fact, researcher Dr Ben Jones said that making eye contact also indicates interest in a woman, but only if it is genuine. "Smiling can make you more attractive but it is worth bearing in mind that faking a smile is quite tricky," the Telegraph quoted Jones, as saying. And those men, who find it hard to fake a smile, are advised by Jones to take extra care of their skin, or stay amidst other women to appear more appealing.
NB: this email is dedicated to all upcoming & struggling 'artists', still need to get their basics right in conquest techniques
Monday, June 9, 2008
Baby Macie Hope was born twice
When her mother was six months pregnant, baby Macie Hope was taken out of the womb for life-saving surgery, then returned for 10 more weeks. TODAY’s Ann Curry talks to Macie’s parents, Chad and Keri McCartney, and Dr. Darrell Cass, the fetal surgeon who operated on Macie.
When Chad and Keri McCartney say their infant daughter, Macie Hope, is born again, they aren’t referring to religion — the month-old miracle baby really was born twice.
The first “birth” was about six months into Keri McCartney’s pregnancy, when surgeons at Texas Children’s Hospital took the tiny fetus from Keri’s womb to remove a tumor that would have killed Macie before she was born.
The second time was on May 3, when the McCartneys welcomed their surgically repaired — and perfectly healthy — baby girl into the world.
The happy couple talked exclusively to TODAY’s Ann Curry on Friday from the hospital, where they were joined by Dr. Darrell Cass, the fetal surgeon who led the team that performed a surgery that has been successfully completed fewer than 20 times around the world. In Macie’s case, he said, “We were very, very fortunate. It really turned out perfectly.”
The McCartneys’ story began in Keri’s 23rd week of pregnancy, when the couple took their entire family to their obstetrician’s office to discover the sex of the baby Keri was carrying.
“We had our whole family,” Chad McCartney told Curry. “Our four kids had piled into the van, and we headed to our routine ultrasound to find out what the sex of the baby was going to be. That was the big discussion on the way up, so there was lots of excitement.”
A deadly revelationEveryone went into the ultrasound room, eager to see the image of the fetus displayed on the screen. “All of a sudden the ultrasound tech had a very concerned look on her face,” Chad said. “She rushed our kids out of the room and then informed us there was a large mass on our baby.”
The ultrasound image showed what looked like a balloon growing out of Macie’s tailbone — except that it was full of blood vessels and was as big as the fetus itself. The tumor was noncancerous ... but still deadly.
“This tumor was gigantic,” Cass said. “It was the size of a grapefruit.”
The McCartneys’ obstetrician had never seen such a tumor in all her years of practice. After some research, she discovered that Texas Children’s Hospital in Houston — six hours away from the family’s Laredo home — was one of only three hospitals in the world that specialized in such conditions.
“This is incredibly rare. It’s about one in 40,000 births,” Cass said. “Many times, these tumors
TODAY
Baby Macie’s ultrasound showed the tumor.
can grow and remain small and they don’t really affect the fetus very significantly. In Macie’s instance, this tumor grew incredibly rapidly … and basically it was stealing the blood that her body needed to grow. She would have died if nothing had been done.”
A fitting nameKeri and Chad went home with the desperate prognosis and decided they needed to name their infant right then.
“We both made a decision that we have a name for her, because we had been told that there was less than a 10 percent chance that she was going to make it,” Chad McCartney said, fighting back tears as he told the story. “We wanted to pick a name that would be appropriate, so we named her Macie Hope — because that was all we felt we had.”
They went to Houston for the surgery, which Cass described, with a surgeon’s understatement, as “tricky.”
“It required that Mrs. McCartney went under a very, very deep anesthesia, about seven times deeper than the average operation,” he said. “That’s necessary in order to have the uterus very, very relaxed.”
He and two other surgeons opened Keri’s abdomen and brought her uterus entirely outside her body. “We had to find an area of the uterus that we could open safely so that we didn’t disturb the placenta,” he explained.
When they found such a place, they opened the relaxed womb and extracted about 80 percent of Macie Hope’s body — which weighed no more than a quarter of a pound — leaving just the head and upper body in the womb. Exposing the fetus to the air carried the danger that she would go into cardiac arrest, and the surgeons worked quickly to remove the tumor and return Macie to the safety of the womb.
That part of the four-hour procedure took about 20 minutes. The surgeons then had to carefully close up the uterus so that it would be watertight, to keep the amniotic fluid from leaking out.
“Then we had to hope that the pregnancy was going to last,” Cass added.
Born againThat hope was also answered. Macie Hope didn’t make it the entire nine months, but, Cass said, “The pregnancy lasted another 10 weeks, which allowed Macie to recover from this tumor that had been killing her.”
On May 3, Macie Hope was born again, this time to stay. She and her mother have remained at Texas Medical Center since as they both fully recover from the miracle surgery. Macie still has a large scar on her backside, which surgeons say can be repaired when she gets older.
Keri and Chad McCartney were expecting to take their miracle baby home on Saturday, and they couldn’t have been happier.
“We are doing great,” Keri McCartney told Curry. “I am so excited to think that we’re leaving tomorrow.”
She cradled Macie Hope in her arms. The infant, sporting a thick head of hair, slept through it all, prompting her mother to say, “Obviously she is completely at peace and content with it all.”
When Chad and Keri McCartney say their infant daughter, Macie Hope, is born again, they aren’t referring to religion — the month-old miracle baby really was born twice.
The first “birth” was about six months into Keri McCartney’s pregnancy, when surgeons at Texas Children’s Hospital took the tiny fetus from Keri’s womb to remove a tumor that would have killed Macie before she was born.
The second time was on May 3, when the McCartneys welcomed their surgically repaired — and perfectly healthy — baby girl into the world.
The happy couple talked exclusively to TODAY’s Ann Curry on Friday from the hospital, where they were joined by Dr. Darrell Cass, the fetal surgeon who led the team that performed a surgery that has been successfully completed fewer than 20 times around the world. In Macie’s case, he said, “We were very, very fortunate. It really turned out perfectly.”
The McCartneys’ story began in Keri’s 23rd week of pregnancy, when the couple took their entire family to their obstetrician’s office to discover the sex of the baby Keri was carrying.
“We had our whole family,” Chad McCartney told Curry. “Our four kids had piled into the van, and we headed to our routine ultrasound to find out what the sex of the baby was going to be. That was the big discussion on the way up, so there was lots of excitement.”
A deadly revelationEveryone went into the ultrasound room, eager to see the image of the fetus displayed on the screen. “All of a sudden the ultrasound tech had a very concerned look on her face,” Chad said. “She rushed our kids out of the room and then informed us there was a large mass on our baby.”
The ultrasound image showed what looked like a balloon growing out of Macie’s tailbone — except that it was full of blood vessels and was as big as the fetus itself. The tumor was noncancerous ... but still deadly.
“This tumor was gigantic,” Cass said. “It was the size of a grapefruit.”
The McCartneys’ obstetrician had never seen such a tumor in all her years of practice. After some research, she discovered that Texas Children’s Hospital in Houston — six hours away from the family’s Laredo home — was one of only three hospitals in the world that specialized in such conditions.
“This is incredibly rare. It’s about one in 40,000 births,” Cass said. “Many times, these tumors
TODAY
Baby Macie’s ultrasound showed the tumor.
can grow and remain small and they don’t really affect the fetus very significantly. In Macie’s instance, this tumor grew incredibly rapidly … and basically it was stealing the blood that her body needed to grow. She would have died if nothing had been done.”
A fitting nameKeri and Chad went home with the desperate prognosis and decided they needed to name their infant right then.
“We both made a decision that we have a name for her, because we had been told that there was less than a 10 percent chance that she was going to make it,” Chad McCartney said, fighting back tears as he told the story. “We wanted to pick a name that would be appropriate, so we named her Macie Hope — because that was all we felt we had.”
They went to Houston for the surgery, which Cass described, with a surgeon’s understatement, as “tricky.”
“It required that Mrs. McCartney went under a very, very deep anesthesia, about seven times deeper than the average operation,” he said. “That’s necessary in order to have the uterus very, very relaxed.”
He and two other surgeons opened Keri’s abdomen and brought her uterus entirely outside her body. “We had to find an area of the uterus that we could open safely so that we didn’t disturb the placenta,” he explained.
When they found such a place, they opened the relaxed womb and extracted about 80 percent of Macie Hope’s body — which weighed no more than a quarter of a pound — leaving just the head and upper body in the womb. Exposing the fetus to the air carried the danger that she would go into cardiac arrest, and the surgeons worked quickly to remove the tumor and return Macie to the safety of the womb.
That part of the four-hour procedure took about 20 minutes. The surgeons then had to carefully close up the uterus so that it would be watertight, to keep the amniotic fluid from leaking out.
“Then we had to hope that the pregnancy was going to last,” Cass added.
Born againThat hope was also answered. Macie Hope didn’t make it the entire nine months, but, Cass said, “The pregnancy lasted another 10 weeks, which allowed Macie to recover from this tumor that had been killing her.”
On May 3, Macie Hope was born again, this time to stay. She and her mother have remained at Texas Medical Center since as they both fully recover from the miracle surgery. Macie still has a large scar on her backside, which surgeons say can be repaired when she gets older.
Keri and Chad McCartney were expecting to take their miracle baby home on Saturday, and they couldn’t have been happier.
“We are doing great,” Keri McCartney told Curry. “I am so excited to think that we’re leaving tomorrow.”
She cradled Macie Hope in her arms. The infant, sporting a thick head of hair, slept through it all, prompting her mother to say, “Obviously she is completely at peace and content with it all.”
Food as Medicine
HEADACHE? EAT FISH! Eat plenty of fish -- fish oil helps prevent headaches.
So does ginger, which reduces inflammation and pain.
HAY FEVER? EAT YOGURT! Eat lots of yogurt before pollen season. Also-eat honey from your area (local region) daily.
TO PREVENT STROKE DRINK TEA! Prevent buildup of fatty deposits on artery walls with regular doses of tea.. (actually, tea suppresses my appetite and keeps the pounds from invading....Green tea is great for our immune system)!
INSOMNIA (CAN'T SLEEP?) HONEY! Use honey as a tranquilizer and sedative.
ASTHMA? EAT ONIONS!!!! Eating onions helps ease constriction of bronchial tubes. (when I was young, my mother would make onion packs to place on our chest, helped the respiratory ailments and actually made us breathe better).
ARTHRITIS? EAT FISH, TOO!! Salmon, tuna, mackerel and sardines actually prevent arthritis. (fish has omega oils, good for our immune system)
UPSET STOMACH? BANANAS - GINGER!!!!! Bananas will settle an upset stomach. Ginger will cure morning sickness and nausea.
BLADDER INFECTION? DRINK CRANBERRY JUICE!!!! High-acid cranberry juice controls harmful bacteria.
BONE PROBLEMS? EAT PINEAPPLE!!! Bone fractures and osteoporosis can be prevented by the manganese in pineapple.
PREMENSTRUAL SYNDROME? EAT CORNFLAKES!!!! Women can ward off the effects of PMS with cornflakes, which help reduce depression, anxiety and fatigue.
MEMORY PROBLEMS? EAT OYSTERS! Oysters help improve your mental functioning by supplying much-needed zinc.
COLDS? EAT GARLIC! Clear up that stuffy head with garlic. (remember, garlic lowers cholesterol, too.)
COUGHING? USE RED PEPPERS!! A substance similar to that found in the cough syrups is found in hot red pepper. Use red (cayenne) pepper with caution-it can irritate your tummy.
BREAST CANCER? EAT Wheat, bran and cabbage Helps to maintain estrogen at healthy levels.
LUNG CANCER? EAT DARK GREEN AND ORANGE AND VEGGIES!!! A good antidote is beta carotene, a form of Vitamin A found in dark green and orange vegetables.
ULCERS? EAT CABBAGE ALSO!!! Cabbage contains chemicals that help heal both gastric and duodenal ulcers.
DIARRHEA? EAT APPLES! Grate an apple with its skin, let it turn brown and eat it to cure this condition. (Bananas are good for this ailment)
CLOGGED ARTERIES? EAT AVOCADO! Mono unsaturated fat in avocados lowers cholesterol.
HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE? EAT CELERY AND OLIVE OIL!!! Olive oil has been shown to lower blood pressure. Celery contains a chemical that lowers pressure too.
BLOOD SUGAR IMBALANCE? EAT BROCCOLI AND PEANUTS!!! The chromium in broccoli and peanuts helps regulate insulin and blood sugar.
Kiwi: Tiny but mighty. This is a good source of potassium, magnesium, Vitamin E & fiber. It's Vitamin C content is twice that of an orange.
Apple: An apple a day keeps the doctor away? Although an apple has a low Vitamin C content, it has antioxidants & flavonoids which enhances the activity of Vitamin C thereby helping to lower the risks of colon cancer, heart attack & stroke.
Strawberry: Protective fruit. Strawberries have the highest total antioxidant power among major fruits & protects the body from cancer causing, blood vessels clogging free radicals. (Actually, any berry is good for you..they're high in anti-oxidants and they actually keep us young.........blueberries are the best and very versatile in the health field........they get rid of all the free-radicals that invade our bodies)
Orange: Sweetest medicine. Taking 2 - 4 oranges a day may help keep colds away, lower cholesterol, prevent & dissolve kidney stones as well as lessen the risk of colon cancer.
Watermelon: Coolest Thirst Quencher. Composed of 92% water, it is also packed with a giant dose of glutathione which helps boost our immune system. They are also a key source of lycopene - the cancer fighting oxidant. Other nutrients found in watermelon are Vitamin C & Potassium. (watermelon also has natural substances [natural SPF sources] that keep our skin healthy, protecting our skin from those darn uv rays)
Guava & Papaya: Top awards for Vitamin C. They are the clear winners for their high Vitamin C content. Guava is also rich in fiber which helps prevent constipation. Papaya is rich in carotene, this is good for your eyes. (also good for gas and indigestion)
Tomatoes are very good as a preventative measure for men, keeps those prostate problems from invading their bodies.
So does ginger, which reduces inflammation and pain.
HAY FEVER? EAT YOGURT! Eat lots of yogurt before pollen season. Also-eat honey from your area (local region) daily.
TO PREVENT STROKE DRINK TEA! Prevent buildup of fatty deposits on artery walls with regular doses of tea.. (actually, tea suppresses my appetite and keeps the pounds from invading....Green tea is great for our immune system)!
INSOMNIA (CAN'T SLEEP?) HONEY! Use honey as a tranquilizer and sedative.
ASTHMA? EAT ONIONS!!!! Eating onions helps ease constriction of bronchial tubes. (when I was young, my mother would make onion packs to place on our chest, helped the respiratory ailments and actually made us breathe better).
ARTHRITIS? EAT FISH, TOO!! Salmon, tuna, mackerel and sardines actually prevent arthritis. (fish has omega oils, good for our immune system)
UPSET STOMACH? BANANAS - GINGER!!!!! Bananas will settle an upset stomach. Ginger will cure morning sickness and nausea.
BLADDER INFECTION? DRINK CRANBERRY JUICE!!!! High-acid cranberry juice controls harmful bacteria.
BONE PROBLEMS? EAT PINEAPPLE!!! Bone fractures and osteoporosis can be prevented by the manganese in pineapple.
PREMENSTRUAL SYNDROME? EAT CORNFLAKES!!!! Women can ward off the effects of PMS with cornflakes, which help reduce depression, anxiety and fatigue.
MEMORY PROBLEMS? EAT OYSTERS! Oysters help improve your mental functioning by supplying much-needed zinc.
COLDS? EAT GARLIC! Clear up that stuffy head with garlic. (remember, garlic lowers cholesterol, too.)
COUGHING? USE RED PEPPERS!! A substance similar to that found in the cough syrups is found in hot red pepper. Use red (cayenne) pepper with caution-it can irritate your tummy.
BREAST CANCER? EAT Wheat, bran and cabbage Helps to maintain estrogen at healthy levels.
LUNG CANCER? EAT DARK GREEN AND ORANGE AND VEGGIES!!! A good antidote is beta carotene, a form of Vitamin A found in dark green and orange vegetables.
ULCERS? EAT CABBAGE ALSO!!! Cabbage contains chemicals that help heal both gastric and duodenal ulcers.
DIARRHEA? EAT APPLES! Grate an apple with its skin, let it turn brown and eat it to cure this condition. (Bananas are good for this ailment)
CLOGGED ARTERIES? EAT AVOCADO! Mono unsaturated fat in avocados lowers cholesterol.
HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE? EAT CELERY AND OLIVE OIL!!! Olive oil has been shown to lower blood pressure. Celery contains a chemical that lowers pressure too.
BLOOD SUGAR IMBALANCE? EAT BROCCOLI AND PEANUTS!!! The chromium in broccoli and peanuts helps regulate insulin and blood sugar.
Kiwi: Tiny but mighty. This is a good source of potassium, magnesium, Vitamin E & fiber. It's Vitamin C content is twice that of an orange.
Apple: An apple a day keeps the doctor away? Although an apple has a low Vitamin C content, it has antioxidants & flavonoids which enhances the activity of Vitamin C thereby helping to lower the risks of colon cancer, heart attack & stroke.
Strawberry: Protective fruit. Strawberries have the highest total antioxidant power among major fruits & protects the body from cancer causing, blood vessels clogging free radicals. (Actually, any berry is good for you..they're high in anti-oxidants and they actually keep us young.........blueberries are the best and very versatile in the health field........they get rid of all the free-radicals that invade our bodies)
Orange: Sweetest medicine. Taking 2 - 4 oranges a day may help keep colds away, lower cholesterol, prevent & dissolve kidney stones as well as lessen the risk of colon cancer.
Watermelon: Coolest Thirst Quencher. Composed of 92% water, it is also packed with a giant dose of glutathione which helps boost our immune system. They are also a key source of lycopene - the cancer fighting oxidant. Other nutrients found in watermelon are Vitamin C & Potassium. (watermelon also has natural substances [natural SPF sources] that keep our skin healthy, protecting our skin from those darn uv rays)
Guava & Papaya: Top awards for Vitamin C. They are the clear winners for their high Vitamin C content. Guava is also rich in fiber which helps prevent constipation. Papaya is rich in carotene, this is good for your eyes. (also good for gas and indigestion)
Tomatoes are very good as a preventative measure for men, keeps those prostate problems from invading their bodies.
Tuesday, June 3, 2008
Why Positive Thinking Doesn't Work?
There was someone I used to work with who, well aware
of their tendency to look at the negative side of things,
used to constantly tell themselves to "think more
positively".
This was said with such a feeling of desperation that I just
knew that not only would they NOT think positively, they
would probably go even further into negative thinking. The
mere fact that they kept pushing themselves to "think
positively" was a sign that this would ultimately be
counterproductive.
So many of us have interpreted the desire to be positive
thinkers in a very narrow and ultimately ineffective way.
The push to be positive often results in ignoring our
true feelings. Instead of recognizing that we don't always
feel positive and learning how to convert and turn round our
feelings, it so often ends up with us denying them
altogether.
The Law of Attraction, as defined by Abraham Hicks states
that "you attract to yourself what you give your attention
and energy to, whether wanted or unwanted".
One reason why positive thinking doesn't work is that our
focus is in the wrong place. So we say "I don't want to be
ill" and believe that this thought will prevent us from
being ill. So where is our focus? On being ill!
Because the Universe doesn't recognize "not" or "don't".
How many times have you told yourself NOT to forget
something and then what happens? Oops you've forgotten it!
Another reason why positive thinking doesn't work is that we
often veil our negative feelings with a positive surface.
So we say "I want a loving relationship". Sounds good
right? Except that underneath there is the hidden message
that having a loving relationship wouldn't even be an issue
- unless you'd been in one or a series of not so loving
relationships.
So it's the hidden message and negative feeling around it,
that is still coming through. Ultimately, you're still
pushing against something and it's still
counterproductive. You're likely to attract more unloving
relationships, even though you THINK you've stated
otherwise.
How can you begin to reverse this? Rather than focusing on
your thoughts, focus on your feelings about a given
situation or what you would like the situation to be. Start
to visualise and sense what you truly desire. Focus on
ramping up good, positive, energetic feelings about what
you desire, rather than the thought.
Practically you can do this by building a "creation box" of
pictures, ideas, notes, to stimulate your imagination of how
you'd like things to be. Appreciating lifes abundance in
what you already have by keeping an appreciation journal,
feeling and acting like the prosperous person you actually
are and channelling your good feelings into what you desire.
In fact, instead of being a positive thinker, aim to become
a positive feeler - it's much more visceral and real. Live
your life as though you already have what you desire and
you'll make way for it to come to you.
Julie Plenty helps writers, artists and photographers
prosper in their business by helping them build a strong
personal foundation, because they ARE their business. For
more self growth and personal development articles, and to
sign up for her Life Design newsletter, visit:
http://www.self-help-personal-development.com
of their tendency to look at the negative side of things,
used to constantly tell themselves to "think more
positively".
This was said with such a feeling of desperation that I just
knew that not only would they NOT think positively, they
would probably go even further into negative thinking. The
mere fact that they kept pushing themselves to "think
positively" was a sign that this would ultimately be
counterproductive.
So many of us have interpreted the desire to be positive
thinkers in a very narrow and ultimately ineffective way.
The push to be positive often results in ignoring our
true feelings. Instead of recognizing that we don't always
feel positive and learning how to convert and turn round our
feelings, it so often ends up with us denying them
altogether.
The Law of Attraction, as defined by Abraham Hicks states
that "you attract to yourself what you give your attention
and energy to, whether wanted or unwanted".
One reason why positive thinking doesn't work is that our
focus is in the wrong place. So we say "I don't want to be
ill" and believe that this thought will prevent us from
being ill. So where is our focus? On being ill!
Because the Universe doesn't recognize "not" or "don't".
How many times have you told yourself NOT to forget
something and then what happens? Oops you've forgotten it!
Another reason why positive thinking doesn't work is that we
often veil our negative feelings with a positive surface.
So we say "I want a loving relationship". Sounds good
right? Except that underneath there is the hidden message
that having a loving relationship wouldn't even be an issue
- unless you'd been in one or a series of not so loving
relationships.
So it's the hidden message and negative feeling around it,
that is still coming through. Ultimately, you're still
pushing against something and it's still
counterproductive. You're likely to attract more unloving
relationships, even though you THINK you've stated
otherwise.
How can you begin to reverse this? Rather than focusing on
your thoughts, focus on your feelings about a given
situation or what you would like the situation to be. Start
to visualise and sense what you truly desire. Focus on
ramping up good, positive, energetic feelings about what
you desire, rather than the thought.
Practically you can do this by building a "creation box" of
pictures, ideas, notes, to stimulate your imagination of how
you'd like things to be. Appreciating lifes abundance in
what you already have by keeping an appreciation journal,
feeling and acting like the prosperous person you actually
are and channelling your good feelings into what you desire.
In fact, instead of being a positive thinker, aim to become
a positive feeler - it's much more visceral and real. Live
your life as though you already have what you desire and
you'll make way for it to come to you.
Julie Plenty helps writers, artists and photographers
prosper in their business by helping them build a strong
personal foundation, because they ARE their business. For
more self growth and personal development articles, and to
sign up for her Life Design newsletter, visit:
http://www.self-help-personal-development.com
Tuesday, May 27, 2008
The 75 Skills Every Man Should Master
The 75 Skills Every Man Should Master
A man can be expert in nothing, but he must be practiced in many things. Skills. You don't have to master them all at once. You simply have to collect and develop a certain number of skills as the years tick by. People count on you to come through. That's why you need these, to start.
By Tom Chiarella
A Man Should Be Able To:
1. Give advice that matters in one sentence. I got run out of a job I liked once, and while it was happening, a guy stopped me in the hall. Smart guy, but prone to saying too much. I braced myself. I didn't want to hear it. I needed a white knight, and I knew it wasn't him. He just sighed and said: When nobody has your back, you gotta move your back. Then he walked away. Best advice I ever got. One sentence.
2. Tell if someone is lying. Everyone has his theory. Pick one, test it. Choose the tells that work for you. I like these: Liars change the subject quickly. Liars look up and to their right when they speak. Liars use fewer contractions. Liars will sometimes stare straight at you and employ a dead face. Liars never touch their chest or heart except self-consciously. Liars place objects between themselves and you during a conversation.
3. Take a photo. Fill the frame.
4. Score a baseball game. Scoring a game is an exercise in ciphering, creating a shorthand of your very own. In this way, it's a private language as much as a record of the game. The only given is the numbering of the positions and the use of the diamond to express each batter's progress around the bases. I black out the diamond when a run scores. I mark an RBI with a tally mark in the upper-right-hand corner. Each time you score a game, you pick up on new elements to track: pitch count, balls and strikes, foul balls. It doesn't matter that this information is available on the Internet in real time. Scoring a game is about bearing witness, expanding your own ability to observe.
5. Name a book that matters. The Catcher in the Rye does not matter. Not really. You gotta read.
6. Know at least one musical group as well as is possible. One guy at your table knows where Cobain was born and who his high school English teacher was. Another guy can argue the elegant extended trope of Liquid Swords with GZA himself. This is how it should be. Music does not demand agreement. Rilo Kiley. Nina Simone. Whitesnake. Fugazi. Otis Redding. Whatever. Choose. Nobody likes a know-it-all, because 1) you can't know it all and 2) music offers distinct and private lessons. So pick one. Except Rilo Kiley. I heard they broke up.
7. Cook meat somewhere other than the grill. Buy The Way to Cook, by Julia Child. Try roasting. Braising. Broiling. Slow-cooking. Pan searing. Think ragouts, fricassees, stews. All of this will force you to understand the functionality of different cuts. In the end, grilling will be a choice rather than a chore, and your Weber will become a tool rather than a piece of weekend entertainment.
8. Not monopolize the conversation.
9. Write a letter. So easy. So easily forgotten. A five-paragraph structure works pretty well: Tell why you're writing. Offer details. Ask questions. Give news. Add a specific memory or two. If your handwriting is terrible, type. Always close formally.
10. Buy a suit. Avoid bargains. Know your likes, your dislikes, and what you need it for (work, funerals, court). Squeeze the fabric — if it bounces back with little or no sign of wrinkling, that means it's good, sturdy material. And tug the buttons gently. If they feel loose or wobbly, that means they're probably coming off sooner rather than later. The jacket's shoulder pads are supposed to square with your shoulders; if they droop off or leave dents in the cloth, the jacket's too big. The jacket sleeves should never meet the wrist any lower than the base of the thumb — if they do, ask to go down a size. Always get fitted.
11. Swim three different strokes. Doggie paddle doesn't count.
12. Show respect without being a suck-up. Respect the following, in this order: age, experience, record, reputation. Don't mention any of it.
13. Throw a punch. Close enough, but not too close. Swing with your shoulders, not your arm. Long punches rarely land squarely. So forget the roundhouse. You don't have a haymaker. Follow through; don't pop and pull back. The length you give the punch should come in the form of extension after the point of contact. Just remember, the bones in your hand are small and easy to break. You're better off striking hard with the heel of your palm. Or you could buy the guy a beer and talk it out.
14. Chop down a tree. Know your escape path. When the tree starts to fall, use it.
15. Calculate square footage. Width times length.
16. Tie a bow tie.
17. Make one drink, in large batches, very well. When I interviewed for my first job, one of the senior guys had me to his house for a reception. He offered me a cigarette and pointed me to a bowl of whiskey sours, like I was Darrin Stephens and he was Larry Tate. I can still remember that first tight little swallow and my gratitude that I could go back for a refill without looking like a drunk. I came to admire the host over the next decade, but he never gave me the recipe. So I use this:
• For every 750-ml bottle of whiskey (use a decent bourbon or rye), add:
• 6 oz fresh-squeezed, strained lemon juice
• 6 oz simple syrup(mix superfine sugar and water in equal quantities)
To serve: Shake 3 oz per person with ice and strain into chilled cocktail glasses. Garnish with a cherry and an orange slice or, if you're really slick, a float of red wine. (Pour about ½ oz slowly into each glass over the back of a spoon; this is called a New York sour, and it's great.)
18. Speak a foreign language. Pas beaucoup. Mais faites un effort.
19. Approach a woman out of his league. Ever have a shoeshine from a guy you really admire? He works hard enough that he doesn't have to tell stupid jokes; he doesn't stare at your legs; he knows things you don't, but he doesn't talk about them every minute; he doesn't scrape or apologize for his status or his job or the way he is dressed; he does his job confidently and with a quiet relish. That stuff is wildly inviting. Act like that guy.
20. Sew a button.
21. Argue with a European without getting xenophobic or insulting soccer. Once, in our lifetime, much of Europe was approaching cultural and political irrelevance. Then they made like us and banded together into a union of confederated states. So you can always assume that they were simply copying the United States as they now push us to the verge of cultural and political irrelevance.
22. Give a woman an orgasm so that he doesn't have to ask after it. Otherwise, ask after it.
23. Be loyal. You will fail at it. You have already. A man who does not know loyalty, from both ends, does not know men. Loyalty is not a matter of give-and-take: He did me a favor, therefore I owe him one. No. No. No. It is the recognition of a bond, the honoring of a shared history, the reemergence of the vows we make in the tight times. It doesn't mean complete agreement or invisible blood ties. It is a currency of selflessness, given without expectation and capable of the most stellar return.
24. Know his poison, without standing there, pondering like a dope. Brand, amount, style, fast, like so: Booker's, double, neat.
25. Drive an eightpenny nail into a treated two-by-four without thinking about it. Use a contractor's hammer. Swing hard and loose, like a tennis serve.
26. Cast a fishing rod without shrieking or sighing or otherwise admitting defeat.
27. Play gin with an old guy. Old men will try to crush you. They'll drown you in meaningless chatter, tell stories about when they were kids this or in Korea that. Or they'll retreat into a taciturn posture designed to get you to do the talking. They'll note your strategies without mentioning them, keep the stakes at a level they can control, and change up their pace of play just to get you stumbling. You have to do this — play their game, be it dominoes or cribbage or chess. They may have been playing for decades. You take a beating as a means of absorbing the lessons they've learned without taking a lesson. But don't be afraid to take them down. They can handle it.
28. Play go fish with a kid. You don't crush kids. You talk their ear off, make an event out of it, tell them stories about when you were a kid this or in Vegas that. You have to play their game, too, even though they may have been playing only for weeks. Observe. Teach them without once offering a lesson. And don't be afraid to win. They can handle it.
29. Understand quantum physics well enough that he can accept that a quarter might, at some point, pass straight through the table when dropped. Sometimes the laws of physics aren't laws at all. Read The Quantum World: Quantum Physics for Everyone, by Kenneth W. Ford.
30. Feign interest. Good place to start: quantum physics.
31. Make a bed.
32. Describe a glass of wine in one sentence without using the terms nutty, fruity, oaky, finish, or kick. I once stood in a wine store in West Hollywood where the owner described a pinot noir he favored as "a night walk through a wet garden." I bought it. I went to my hotel and drank it by myself, looking at the flickering city with my feet on the windowsill. I don't know which was more right, the wine or the vision that he placed in my head. Point is, it was right.
33. Hit a jump shot in pool. It's not something you use a lot, but when you hit a jump shot, it marks you as a player and briefly impresses women. Make the angle of your cue steeper, aim for the bottommost fraction of the ball, and drive the cue smoothly six inches past the contact point, making steady, downward contact with the felt.
34. Dress a wound. First, stop the bleeding. Apply pressure using a gauze pad. Stay with the pressure. If you can't stop the bleeding, forget the next step, just get to a hospital. Once the bleeding stops, clean the wound. Use water or saline solution; a little soap is good, too. If you can't get the wound clean, then forget the next step, just get to a hospital. Finally, dress the wound. For a laceration, push the edges together and apply a butterfly bandage. For avulsions, where the skin is punctured and pulled back like a trapdoor, push the skin back and use a butterfly. Slather the area in antibacterial ointment. Cover the wound with a gauze pad taped into place. Change that dressing every 12 hours, checking carefully for signs of infection. Better yet, get to a hospital.
35. Jump-start a car (without any drama). Change a flat tire (safely). Change the oil (once).
36. Make three different bets at a craps table. Play the smallest and most poorly labeled areas, the bets where it's visually evident the casino doesn't want you to go. Simply play the pass line; once the point is set, play full odds (this is the only really good bet on the table); and when you want a little more action, tell the crew you want to lay the 4 and the 10 for the minimum bet.
37. Shuffle a deck of cards. I play cards with guys who can't shuffle, and they lose. Always.
38. Tell a joke. Here's one:
Two guys are walking down a dark alley when a mugger approaches them and demands their money. They both grudgingly pull out their wallets and begin taking out their cash. Just then, one guy turns to the other, hands him a bill, and says, "Hey, here's that $20 I owe you."
39. Know when to split his cards in blackjack. Aces. Eights. Always.
40. Speak to an eight-year-old so he will hear. Use his first name. Don't use baby talk. Don't crank up your energy to match his. Ask questions and wait for answers. Follow up. Don't pretend to be interested in Webkinz or Power Rangers or whatever. He's as bored with that sh** as you are. Concentrate instead on seeing the child as a person of his own.
41. Speak to a waiter so he will hear. You don't own the restaurant, so don't act like it. You own the transaction. So don't speak into the menu. Lift your chin. Make eye contact. All restaurants have secrets — let it be known that you expect to see some of them.
42. Talk to a dog so it will hear. Go ahead, use baby talk.
43. Install: a disposal, an electronic thermostat, or a lighting fixture without asking for help. Just turn off the damned main.
44. Ask for help. Guys who refuse to ask for help are the most cursed men of all. The stubborn, the self-possessed, and the distant. The hell with them.
45. Break another man's grip on his wrist. Rotate your arm rapidly in the grip, toward the other guy's thumb.
46. Tell a woman's dress size.
47. Recite one poem from memory. Here you go:
WHEN YOU ARE OLD
When you are old and gray and full of sleep,
And nodding by the fire, take down this book,
And slowly read, and dream of the soft look
Your eyes had once, and of their shadows deep;
How many loved your moments of glad grace,
And loved your beauty with love false or true,
But one man loved the pilgrim soul in you,
And loved the sorrows of your changing face;
And bending down beside the glowing bars,
Murmur, a little sadly, how Love fled
And paced upon the mountains overhead
And hid his face amid a crowd of stars.
—William Butler Yeats
48. Remove a stain. Blot. Always blot.
49. Say no.
50. Fry an egg sunny-side up. Cook until the white appears solid . . . and no longer.
51. Build a campfire.
There are three components:
• The tinder — bone-dry, snappable twigs, about as long as your hand. You need two complete handfuls. Try birch bark; it burns long and hot.
• The kindling — thick as your thumb, long as your forearm, breakable with two hands. You need two armfuls.
• Fuel wood — anything thick and long enough that it can't be broken by hand. It's okay if it's slightly damp. You need a knee-high stack.
Step 1:Light the tinder, turning the pile gently to get air underneath it.
Step 2: Feed the kindling into the emergent fire with some pace.
Step 3: Lay on the fuel wood. Pyramid, the log cabin, what-ever — the idea is to create some kind of structure so that plenty of air gets to the fire.
52. Step into a job no one wants to do. When I was 13, my dad called me into his office at the large urban mall he ran. He was on the phone. What followed was a fairly banal 15-minute conversation, which involved the collection of rent from a store. On and on, droning about store hours and lighting problems. I kept raising my eyebrows, pretending to stand up, and my dad kept waving me down. I could hear only his end, garrulous and unrelenting. He rolled his eyes as the excuses kept coming. His assertions were simple and to the point, like a drumbeat. He wanted the rent. He wanted the store to stay open when the mall was open. Then suddenly, having given the job the time it deserved, he put it to an end. "So if I see your gate down next Sunday afternoon, I'm going to get a drill and stick a goddamn bolt in it and lock you down for the next week, right?" When he hung up, rent collected, he took a deep breath. "I've been dreading that call," he said. "Once a week you gotta try something you never would do if you had the choice. Otherwise, why are you here?" So he gave me that. And this . . .
53. Sometimes, kick some ass.
54. Break up a fight. Work in pairs if possible. Don't get between people initially. Use the back of the collar, pull and urge the person downward. If you can't get him down, work for distance.
55. Point to the north at any time. If you have a watch, you can point the hour hand at the sun. Then find the point directly between the hour hand and the 12. That's south. The opposite direction is, of course, north.
56. Create a play-list in which ten seemingly random songs provide a secret message to one person.
57. Explain what a light-year is. It's the measure of the distance that light travels over 365.25 days.
58. Avoid boredom. You have enough to eat. You can move. This must be acknowledged as a kind of freedom. You don't always have to buy things, put things in your mouth, or be delighted.
59. Write a thank-you note. Make a habit of it. Follow a simple formula like this one: First line is a thesis statement. The second line is evidentiary. The third is a kind of assertion. Close on an uptick.
Thanks for having me over to watch game six. Even though they won, it's clear the Red Sox are a soulless, overmarketed contrivance of Fox TV. Still, I'm awfully happy you have that huge high-def television. Next time, I really will bring beer. Yours,
60. Be brand loyal to at least one product. It tells a lot about who you are and where you came from. Me? I like Hellman's mayonnaise and Genesee beer, which makes me the fleshy, stubbornly upstate ne'er-do-well that I will always be.
61. Cook bacon. Lay out the bacon on a rack on a baking sheet. Bake at 400 degrees for 15 minutes.
62. Hold a baby. Newborns should be wrapped tightly and held against the chest. They like tight spaces (consider their previous circumstances) and rhythmic movements, so hold them snug, tuck them in the crook of your elbow or against the skin of your neck. Rock your hips like you're bored, barely listening to the music at the edge of a wedding reception. No one has to notice except the baby. Don't breathe all over them.
63. Deliver a eulogy. Take the job seriously. It matters. Speak first to the family, then to the outside world. Write it down. Avoid similes. Don't read poetry. Be funny.
64. Know that Christopher Columbus was a son of a bitch. When I was a kid, because I'm Italian and because the Irish guys in my neighborhood were relentless with the beatings on St. Patrick's Day, I loved the very idea of Christopher Columbus. I loved the fact that Irish kids worshipped some gnome who drove all the rats out of Ireland or whatever, whereas my hero was an explorer. Man, I drank the Kool-Aid on that guy. Of course, I later learned that he was a hand-chopping, land-stealing egotist who sold out an entire hemisphere to European avarice. So I left Columbus behind. Your understanding of your heroes must evolve. See Roger Clemens. See Bill Belichick.
65-67. Throw a baseball over-hand with some snap. Throw a football with a tight spiral. Shoot a 12-foot jump shot reliably. If you can't, play more ball.
68. Find his way out of the woods if lost. Note your landmarks — mountains, power lines, the sound of a highway. Look for the sun: It sits in the south; it moves west. Gauge your direction every few minutes. If you're completely stuck, look for a small creek and follow it downstream. Water flows toward larger bodies of water, where people live.
69. Tie a knot. Square knot: left rope over right rope, turn under. Then right rope over left rope. Tuck under. Pull. Or as my pack leader, Dave Kenyon, told me in a Boy Scouts meeting: "Left over right, right over left. What's so fucking hard about that?"
70. Shake hands. Steady, firm, pump, let go. Use the time to make eye contact, since that's where the social contract begins.
71. Iron a shirt. My uncle Tony the tailor once told me of ironing: Start rough, end gently.
72. Stock an emergency bag for the car. Blanket. Heavy flashlight. Hand warmers. Six bottles of water. Six packs of beef jerky. Atlas. Reflectors. Gloves. Socks. Bandages. Neosporin. Inhaler. Benadryl. Motrin. Hard candy. Telescoping magnet. Screwdriver. Channel-locks. Crescent wrench. Ski hat. Bandanna.
73. Caress a woman's neck. Back of your fingers, in a slow fan.
74. Know some birds. If you can't pay attention to a bird, then you can't learn from detail, you aren't likely to appreciate the beauty of evolution, and you don't have a clue how birdlike your own habits may be. You've been looking at them blindly for years now. Get a guide.
75. Negotiate a better price. Be informed. Know the price of competitors. In a big store, look for a manager. Don't be an a-hole. Use one phrase as your mantra, like "I need a little help with this one." Repeat it, as an invitation to him. Don't beg. Ever. Offer something: your loyalty, your next purchase, even your friendship, and, with the deal done, your gratitude.
Reprinted with permission of Hearst Communications, Inc.
A man can be expert in nothing, but he must be practiced in many things. Skills. You don't have to master them all at once. You simply have to collect and develop a certain number of skills as the years tick by. People count on you to come through. That's why you need these, to start.
By Tom Chiarella
A Man Should Be Able To:
1. Give advice that matters in one sentence. I got run out of a job I liked once, and while it was happening, a guy stopped me in the hall. Smart guy, but prone to saying too much. I braced myself. I didn't want to hear it. I needed a white knight, and I knew it wasn't him. He just sighed and said: When nobody has your back, you gotta move your back. Then he walked away. Best advice I ever got. One sentence.
2. Tell if someone is lying. Everyone has his theory. Pick one, test it. Choose the tells that work for you. I like these: Liars change the subject quickly. Liars look up and to their right when they speak. Liars use fewer contractions. Liars will sometimes stare straight at you and employ a dead face. Liars never touch their chest or heart except self-consciously. Liars place objects between themselves and you during a conversation.
3. Take a photo. Fill the frame.
4. Score a baseball game. Scoring a game is an exercise in ciphering, creating a shorthand of your very own. In this way, it's a private language as much as a record of the game. The only given is the numbering of the positions and the use of the diamond to express each batter's progress around the bases. I black out the diamond when a run scores. I mark an RBI with a tally mark in the upper-right-hand corner. Each time you score a game, you pick up on new elements to track: pitch count, balls and strikes, foul balls. It doesn't matter that this information is available on the Internet in real time. Scoring a game is about bearing witness, expanding your own ability to observe.
5. Name a book that matters. The Catcher in the Rye does not matter. Not really. You gotta read.
6. Know at least one musical group as well as is possible. One guy at your table knows where Cobain was born and who his high school English teacher was. Another guy can argue the elegant extended trope of Liquid Swords with GZA himself. This is how it should be. Music does not demand agreement. Rilo Kiley. Nina Simone. Whitesnake. Fugazi. Otis Redding. Whatever. Choose. Nobody likes a know-it-all, because 1) you can't know it all and 2) music offers distinct and private lessons. So pick one. Except Rilo Kiley. I heard they broke up.
7. Cook meat somewhere other than the grill. Buy The Way to Cook, by Julia Child. Try roasting. Braising. Broiling. Slow-cooking. Pan searing. Think ragouts, fricassees, stews. All of this will force you to understand the functionality of different cuts. In the end, grilling will be a choice rather than a chore, and your Weber will become a tool rather than a piece of weekend entertainment.
8. Not monopolize the conversation.
9. Write a letter. So easy. So easily forgotten. A five-paragraph structure works pretty well: Tell why you're writing. Offer details. Ask questions. Give news. Add a specific memory or two. If your handwriting is terrible, type. Always close formally.
10. Buy a suit. Avoid bargains. Know your likes, your dislikes, and what you need it for (work, funerals, court). Squeeze the fabric — if it bounces back with little or no sign of wrinkling, that means it's good, sturdy material. And tug the buttons gently. If they feel loose or wobbly, that means they're probably coming off sooner rather than later. The jacket's shoulder pads are supposed to square with your shoulders; if they droop off or leave dents in the cloth, the jacket's too big. The jacket sleeves should never meet the wrist any lower than the base of the thumb — if they do, ask to go down a size. Always get fitted.
11. Swim three different strokes. Doggie paddle doesn't count.
12. Show respect without being a suck-up. Respect the following, in this order: age, experience, record, reputation. Don't mention any of it.
13. Throw a punch. Close enough, but not too close. Swing with your shoulders, not your arm. Long punches rarely land squarely. So forget the roundhouse. You don't have a haymaker. Follow through; don't pop and pull back. The length you give the punch should come in the form of extension after the point of contact. Just remember, the bones in your hand are small and easy to break. You're better off striking hard with the heel of your palm. Or you could buy the guy a beer and talk it out.
14. Chop down a tree. Know your escape path. When the tree starts to fall, use it.
15. Calculate square footage. Width times length.
16. Tie a bow tie.
17. Make one drink, in large batches, very well. When I interviewed for my first job, one of the senior guys had me to his house for a reception. He offered me a cigarette and pointed me to a bowl of whiskey sours, like I was Darrin Stephens and he was Larry Tate. I can still remember that first tight little swallow and my gratitude that I could go back for a refill without looking like a drunk. I came to admire the host over the next decade, but he never gave me the recipe. So I use this:
• For every 750-ml bottle of whiskey (use a decent bourbon or rye), add:
• 6 oz fresh-squeezed, strained lemon juice
• 6 oz simple syrup(mix superfine sugar and water in equal quantities)
To serve: Shake 3 oz per person with ice and strain into chilled cocktail glasses. Garnish with a cherry and an orange slice or, if you're really slick, a float of red wine. (Pour about ½ oz slowly into each glass over the back of a spoon; this is called a New York sour, and it's great.)
18. Speak a foreign language. Pas beaucoup. Mais faites un effort.
19. Approach a woman out of his league. Ever have a shoeshine from a guy you really admire? He works hard enough that he doesn't have to tell stupid jokes; he doesn't stare at your legs; he knows things you don't, but he doesn't talk about them every minute; he doesn't scrape or apologize for his status or his job or the way he is dressed; he does his job confidently and with a quiet relish. That stuff is wildly inviting. Act like that guy.
20. Sew a button.
21. Argue with a European without getting xenophobic or insulting soccer. Once, in our lifetime, much of Europe was approaching cultural and political irrelevance. Then they made like us and banded together into a union of confederated states. So you can always assume that they were simply copying the United States as they now push us to the verge of cultural and political irrelevance.
22. Give a woman an orgasm so that he doesn't have to ask after it. Otherwise, ask after it.
23. Be loyal. You will fail at it. You have already. A man who does not know loyalty, from both ends, does not know men. Loyalty is not a matter of give-and-take: He did me a favor, therefore I owe him one. No. No. No. It is the recognition of a bond, the honoring of a shared history, the reemergence of the vows we make in the tight times. It doesn't mean complete agreement or invisible blood ties. It is a currency of selflessness, given without expectation and capable of the most stellar return.
24. Know his poison, without standing there, pondering like a dope. Brand, amount, style, fast, like so: Booker's, double, neat.
25. Drive an eightpenny nail into a treated two-by-four without thinking about it. Use a contractor's hammer. Swing hard and loose, like a tennis serve.
26. Cast a fishing rod without shrieking or sighing or otherwise admitting defeat.
27. Play gin with an old guy. Old men will try to crush you. They'll drown you in meaningless chatter, tell stories about when they were kids this or in Korea that. Or they'll retreat into a taciturn posture designed to get you to do the talking. They'll note your strategies without mentioning them, keep the stakes at a level they can control, and change up their pace of play just to get you stumbling. You have to do this — play their game, be it dominoes or cribbage or chess. They may have been playing for decades. You take a beating as a means of absorbing the lessons they've learned without taking a lesson. But don't be afraid to take them down. They can handle it.
28. Play go fish with a kid. You don't crush kids. You talk their ear off, make an event out of it, tell them stories about when you were a kid this or in Vegas that. You have to play their game, too, even though they may have been playing only for weeks. Observe. Teach them without once offering a lesson. And don't be afraid to win. They can handle it.
29. Understand quantum physics well enough that he can accept that a quarter might, at some point, pass straight through the table when dropped. Sometimes the laws of physics aren't laws at all. Read The Quantum World: Quantum Physics for Everyone, by Kenneth W. Ford.
30. Feign interest. Good place to start: quantum physics.
31. Make a bed.
32. Describe a glass of wine in one sentence without using the terms nutty, fruity, oaky, finish, or kick. I once stood in a wine store in West Hollywood where the owner described a pinot noir he favored as "a night walk through a wet garden." I bought it. I went to my hotel and drank it by myself, looking at the flickering city with my feet on the windowsill. I don't know which was more right, the wine or the vision that he placed in my head. Point is, it was right.
33. Hit a jump shot in pool. It's not something you use a lot, but when you hit a jump shot, it marks you as a player and briefly impresses women. Make the angle of your cue steeper, aim for the bottommost fraction of the ball, and drive the cue smoothly six inches past the contact point, making steady, downward contact with the felt.
34. Dress a wound. First, stop the bleeding. Apply pressure using a gauze pad. Stay with the pressure. If you can't stop the bleeding, forget the next step, just get to a hospital. Once the bleeding stops, clean the wound. Use water or saline solution; a little soap is good, too. If you can't get the wound clean, then forget the next step, just get to a hospital. Finally, dress the wound. For a laceration, push the edges together and apply a butterfly bandage. For avulsions, where the skin is punctured and pulled back like a trapdoor, push the skin back and use a butterfly. Slather the area in antibacterial ointment. Cover the wound with a gauze pad taped into place. Change that dressing every 12 hours, checking carefully for signs of infection. Better yet, get to a hospital.
35. Jump-start a car (without any drama). Change a flat tire (safely). Change the oil (once).
36. Make three different bets at a craps table. Play the smallest and most poorly labeled areas, the bets where it's visually evident the casino doesn't want you to go. Simply play the pass line; once the point is set, play full odds (this is the only really good bet on the table); and when you want a little more action, tell the crew you want to lay the 4 and the 10 for the minimum bet.
37. Shuffle a deck of cards. I play cards with guys who can't shuffle, and they lose. Always.
38. Tell a joke. Here's one:
Two guys are walking down a dark alley when a mugger approaches them and demands their money. They both grudgingly pull out their wallets and begin taking out their cash. Just then, one guy turns to the other, hands him a bill, and says, "Hey, here's that $20 I owe you."
39. Know when to split his cards in blackjack. Aces. Eights. Always.
40. Speak to an eight-year-old so he will hear. Use his first name. Don't use baby talk. Don't crank up your energy to match his. Ask questions and wait for answers. Follow up. Don't pretend to be interested in Webkinz or Power Rangers or whatever. He's as bored with that sh** as you are. Concentrate instead on seeing the child as a person of his own.
41. Speak to a waiter so he will hear. You don't own the restaurant, so don't act like it. You own the transaction. So don't speak into the menu. Lift your chin. Make eye contact. All restaurants have secrets — let it be known that you expect to see some of them.
42. Talk to a dog so it will hear. Go ahead, use baby talk.
43. Install: a disposal, an electronic thermostat, or a lighting fixture without asking for help. Just turn off the damned main.
44. Ask for help. Guys who refuse to ask for help are the most cursed men of all. The stubborn, the self-possessed, and the distant. The hell with them.
45. Break another man's grip on his wrist. Rotate your arm rapidly in the grip, toward the other guy's thumb.
46. Tell a woman's dress size.
47. Recite one poem from memory. Here you go:
WHEN YOU ARE OLD
When you are old and gray and full of sleep,
And nodding by the fire, take down this book,
And slowly read, and dream of the soft look
Your eyes had once, and of their shadows deep;
How many loved your moments of glad grace,
And loved your beauty with love false or true,
But one man loved the pilgrim soul in you,
And loved the sorrows of your changing face;
And bending down beside the glowing bars,
Murmur, a little sadly, how Love fled
And paced upon the mountains overhead
And hid his face amid a crowd of stars.
—William Butler Yeats
48. Remove a stain. Blot. Always blot.
49. Say no.
50. Fry an egg sunny-side up. Cook until the white appears solid . . . and no longer.
51. Build a campfire.
There are three components:
• The tinder — bone-dry, snappable twigs, about as long as your hand. You need two complete handfuls. Try birch bark; it burns long and hot.
• The kindling — thick as your thumb, long as your forearm, breakable with two hands. You need two armfuls.
• Fuel wood — anything thick and long enough that it can't be broken by hand. It's okay if it's slightly damp. You need a knee-high stack.
Step 1:Light the tinder, turning the pile gently to get air underneath it.
Step 2: Feed the kindling into the emergent fire with some pace.
Step 3: Lay on the fuel wood. Pyramid, the log cabin, what-ever — the idea is to create some kind of structure so that plenty of air gets to the fire.
52. Step into a job no one wants to do. When I was 13, my dad called me into his office at the large urban mall he ran. He was on the phone. What followed was a fairly banal 15-minute conversation, which involved the collection of rent from a store. On and on, droning about store hours and lighting problems. I kept raising my eyebrows, pretending to stand up, and my dad kept waving me down. I could hear only his end, garrulous and unrelenting. He rolled his eyes as the excuses kept coming. His assertions were simple and to the point, like a drumbeat. He wanted the rent. He wanted the store to stay open when the mall was open. Then suddenly, having given the job the time it deserved, he put it to an end. "So if I see your gate down next Sunday afternoon, I'm going to get a drill and stick a goddamn bolt in it and lock you down for the next week, right?" When he hung up, rent collected, he took a deep breath. "I've been dreading that call," he said. "Once a week you gotta try something you never would do if you had the choice. Otherwise, why are you here?" So he gave me that. And this . . .
53. Sometimes, kick some ass.
54. Break up a fight. Work in pairs if possible. Don't get between people initially. Use the back of the collar, pull and urge the person downward. If you can't get him down, work for distance.
55. Point to the north at any time. If you have a watch, you can point the hour hand at the sun. Then find the point directly between the hour hand and the 12. That's south. The opposite direction is, of course, north.
56. Create a play-list in which ten seemingly random songs provide a secret message to one person.
57. Explain what a light-year is. It's the measure of the distance that light travels over 365.25 days.
58. Avoid boredom. You have enough to eat. You can move. This must be acknowledged as a kind of freedom. You don't always have to buy things, put things in your mouth, or be delighted.
59. Write a thank-you note. Make a habit of it. Follow a simple formula like this one: First line is a thesis statement. The second line is evidentiary. The third is a kind of assertion. Close on an uptick.
Thanks for having me over to watch game six. Even though they won, it's clear the Red Sox are a soulless, overmarketed contrivance of Fox TV. Still, I'm awfully happy you have that huge high-def television. Next time, I really will bring beer. Yours,
60. Be brand loyal to at least one product. It tells a lot about who you are and where you came from. Me? I like Hellman's mayonnaise and Genesee beer, which makes me the fleshy, stubbornly upstate ne'er-do-well that I will always be.
61. Cook bacon. Lay out the bacon on a rack on a baking sheet. Bake at 400 degrees for 15 minutes.
62. Hold a baby. Newborns should be wrapped tightly and held against the chest. They like tight spaces (consider their previous circumstances) and rhythmic movements, so hold them snug, tuck them in the crook of your elbow or against the skin of your neck. Rock your hips like you're bored, barely listening to the music at the edge of a wedding reception. No one has to notice except the baby. Don't breathe all over them.
63. Deliver a eulogy. Take the job seriously. It matters. Speak first to the family, then to the outside world. Write it down. Avoid similes. Don't read poetry. Be funny.
64. Know that Christopher Columbus was a son of a bitch. When I was a kid, because I'm Italian and because the Irish guys in my neighborhood were relentless with the beatings on St. Patrick's Day, I loved the very idea of Christopher Columbus. I loved the fact that Irish kids worshipped some gnome who drove all the rats out of Ireland or whatever, whereas my hero was an explorer. Man, I drank the Kool-Aid on that guy. Of course, I later learned that he was a hand-chopping, land-stealing egotist who sold out an entire hemisphere to European avarice. So I left Columbus behind. Your understanding of your heroes must evolve. See Roger Clemens. See Bill Belichick.
65-67. Throw a baseball over-hand with some snap. Throw a football with a tight spiral. Shoot a 12-foot jump shot reliably. If you can't, play more ball.
68. Find his way out of the woods if lost. Note your landmarks — mountains, power lines, the sound of a highway. Look for the sun: It sits in the south; it moves west. Gauge your direction every few minutes. If you're completely stuck, look for a small creek and follow it downstream. Water flows toward larger bodies of water, where people live.
69. Tie a knot. Square knot: left rope over right rope, turn under. Then right rope over left rope. Tuck under. Pull. Or as my pack leader, Dave Kenyon, told me in a Boy Scouts meeting: "Left over right, right over left. What's so fucking hard about that?"
70. Shake hands. Steady, firm, pump, let go. Use the time to make eye contact, since that's where the social contract begins.
71. Iron a shirt. My uncle Tony the tailor once told me of ironing: Start rough, end gently.
72. Stock an emergency bag for the car. Blanket. Heavy flashlight. Hand warmers. Six bottles of water. Six packs of beef jerky. Atlas. Reflectors. Gloves. Socks. Bandages. Neosporin. Inhaler. Benadryl. Motrin. Hard candy. Telescoping magnet. Screwdriver. Channel-locks. Crescent wrench. Ski hat. Bandanna.
73. Caress a woman's neck. Back of your fingers, in a slow fan.
74. Know some birds. If you can't pay attention to a bird, then you can't learn from detail, you aren't likely to appreciate the beauty of evolution, and you don't have a clue how birdlike your own habits may be. You've been looking at them blindly for years now. Get a guide.
75. Negotiate a better price. Be informed. Know the price of competitors. In a big store, look for a manager. Don't be an a-hole. Use one phrase as your mantra, like "I need a little help with this one." Repeat it, as an invitation to him. Don't beg. Ever. Offer something: your loyalty, your next purchase, even your friendship, and, with the deal done, your gratitude.
Reprinted with permission of Hearst Communications, Inc.
Saturday, May 24, 2008
Do Woman & Alocohol Mix Well?
Cocktails and Consequences
Studies on the benefits of moderate alcohol consumption abound, but many apply more to men than women. Here are five factors women should consider before they drink.
You could forgive the average woman for being confused about how much alcohol she should be drinking, or even whether she should be drinking at all. Headlines over the last decade have linked moderate alcohol consumption to everything from a higher risk of breast cancer to a lower risk of dementia. Even the notion that pregnant women should never drink may be debatable. Just this month, a British study suggested that binge drinking—on a very occasional basis—might not be harmful to the fetus (though researchers cautioned that more investigation was needed).
As doctors continue to sort through the contradictory evidence, one thing remains certain: decisions about drinking are more loaded for women than for men. "The benefits of alcohol are going to vary by individual, depending on genes and lifestyle," explains Samir Zakhari, director of metabolic research at the National Institute of Alcoholism and Alcohol Abuse. "But the risks--which we know much more about—those clearly vary by gender, and are much higher for women." Here's what we know—and don't—about how alcohol affects the female body:
1. Gender Benders
The differences between men and women can be stark when it comes to the way alcohol affects them. For example, if two people, of opposite genders but equal weight drink the same amount and type of alcohol, the woman will get drunker, and stay that way longer.
The reasons come down to basic physiology. Alcohol passes through the digestive tract and is dispersed in the body's water. Because women always have less water in their bodies, the alcohol is less dilute for them. Women's bodies also produce less alcohol dehydrogenase (ADH)—the molecule responsible for breaking alcohol down so that the body can eliminate it. Less water and less ADH means more alcohol stays in the body, for longer periods of time. "It's like taking the same amount of alcohol and putting it into a much smaller glass," explains Michael Charness, a Harvard Medical School neurologist.
This biologic difference not only means that women have to be careful during those infamous college drinking games, but long-term, women are more likely than men to develop alcohol-related liver disease and brain damage. And women are just as likely to develop alcohol-related heart diseases as men, even though they still tend to drink less alcohol over a lifetime.
Intoxicated women are also far more likely to be the victims of date rape or sexual assault than men. And they are more prone to alcohol-induced blackouts, which can make reporting such attacks difficult.
2. The Wine Myth
One of the biggest misconceptions that women fall prey to is the idea that wine is a safer, healthier choice than the fattening, masculine beer we see in commercials. While wine has some appealing ingredients that other alcoholic beverages do not, (namely a group of antioxidants called polyphenolic compounds that come from grape skin), most experts say it's a myth that wine is healthier. All the risks and benefits of an alcoholic beverage come from the alcohol itself," says Zakhari, explaining that the alcoholic content of wine far outweighs the amount of these other ingredients. "So it doesn't really matter whether it's beer or wine or something else."
3. Breast Cancer Caveat
As for the much-studied link between alcohol and breast cancer, no one can say for certain whether one has anything to do with the other. While research reported at September's European Cancer Conference indicated that women who drank heavily (three glasses a day or more) faced a 30 percent higher risk of breast cancer, numerous other studies over the last decade have shown the opposite—that there is no correlation between alcohol and breast cancer. "The studies have been all over the place," says Zakhari. "The bottom line is that we aren't sure, and women who are genetically predisposed to breast cancer should probably drink less if they want to be on the safe side."
4. The Third Trimester
It's no secret that drinking while pregnant can seriously threaten the health of your unborn child—the risk of fetal-alcohol syndrome (FAS) has long been tied to alcohol consumption during the first trimester of pregnancy, when organs and body features are still developing. That being said, many if not most mothers report being cleared by their doctors for a glass of wine or two once they reach the third trimester—and some evidence suggests that as many as 10 percent of pregnant women drink moderately. Now researchers say that FAS-associated brain damage may result from drinking at any point during a pregnancy, including the final weeks.
How much drinking puts an unborn child at risk has divided the American medical community from its European counterpart for decades. While the United States has adopted a precautionary approach, advising women who are or might become pregnant not to drink at all, Europeans have traditionally condoned a couple of drinks towards the end of a pregnancy. This can lead to confusion (and make Americans seem like prudes to their European friends). But with the French now putting warnings about drinking during pregnancy on their wine, those continental attitudes seem to be changing.
5. Drink and Live Longer?
More research is needed before doctors can say for certain whether alcohol does in fact reduce your chances of suffering from type-2 diabetes or dementia. But most experts do agree that a drink a day can offer at least some protection against cardiovascular disease. "The main benefit of alcohol that we can state with any degree of certainty is that it counteracts the narrowing of coronary arteries that comes with age," says Cynthia Bearer, a physician and associate professor at Case Western Reserve University in Ohio "That benefit is going to be seen really only in the older population—people over 50."
With that bit of certainty comes another conundrum: aging also reduces our tolerance for alcohol, most likely by reducing the amount of water in our bodies. Studies have shown that older adults of both sexes reach higher blood-alcohol levels than younger adults who drink the same amount. So reaching the half-century mark doesn't necessarily mean you should party like a rock star. Moderation is still key, at any age.
What's a Wise Woman to Do?
Take a look at the official guidelines and compare them honestly to your own consumption. The U.S. Department of Health and Human Services (HHS) defines moderate drinking as no more than one drink a day for women, and no more than two drinks a day for men. According to a report by the National Institute of Alcoholism and Alcohol Abuse (NIAAA), 13 percent of women who drink surpass this one-drink cut off. And roughly 5.3 million women in the United States drink in a way that threatens their health and safety. "I don't think this means that women are over-estimating the benefits of drinking," Zakhari says. "But people who want to drink may use [the reported benefits] as a way to justify their choices."
While the potential benefits of moderate drinking may be equal for both sexes, the risks are higher for women, which means that women need to be more cautious than men at the bar or liquor store. Those with a family history of breast cancer or alcoholism should probably head for the soft-drink aisle instead. Bottom line, says Zakhari: "If you want to drink for pleasure and you can do it in moderation, that's fine. If you want to drink to combat coronary heart disease, well, there are safer, cheaper and more effective ways of doing that." The most obvious examples are diet and exercise, and for osteoporosis, make sure you are getting enough calcium.
Studies on the benefits of moderate alcohol consumption abound, but many apply more to men than women. Here are five factors women should consider before they drink.
You could forgive the average woman for being confused about how much alcohol she should be drinking, or even whether she should be drinking at all. Headlines over the last decade have linked moderate alcohol consumption to everything from a higher risk of breast cancer to a lower risk of dementia. Even the notion that pregnant women should never drink may be debatable. Just this month, a British study suggested that binge drinking—on a very occasional basis—might not be harmful to the fetus (though researchers cautioned that more investigation was needed).
As doctors continue to sort through the contradictory evidence, one thing remains certain: decisions about drinking are more loaded for women than for men. "The benefits of alcohol are going to vary by individual, depending on genes and lifestyle," explains Samir Zakhari, director of metabolic research at the National Institute of Alcoholism and Alcohol Abuse. "But the risks--which we know much more about—those clearly vary by gender, and are much higher for women." Here's what we know—and don't—about how alcohol affects the female body:
1. Gender Benders
The differences between men and women can be stark when it comes to the way alcohol affects them. For example, if two people, of opposite genders but equal weight drink the same amount and type of alcohol, the woman will get drunker, and stay that way longer.
The reasons come down to basic physiology. Alcohol passes through the digestive tract and is dispersed in the body's water. Because women always have less water in their bodies, the alcohol is less dilute for them. Women's bodies also produce less alcohol dehydrogenase (ADH)—the molecule responsible for breaking alcohol down so that the body can eliminate it. Less water and less ADH means more alcohol stays in the body, for longer periods of time. "It's like taking the same amount of alcohol and putting it into a much smaller glass," explains Michael Charness, a Harvard Medical School neurologist.
This biologic difference not only means that women have to be careful during those infamous college drinking games, but long-term, women are more likely than men to develop alcohol-related liver disease and brain damage. And women are just as likely to develop alcohol-related heart diseases as men, even though they still tend to drink less alcohol over a lifetime.
Intoxicated women are also far more likely to be the victims of date rape or sexual assault than men. And they are more prone to alcohol-induced blackouts, which can make reporting such attacks difficult.
2. The Wine Myth
One of the biggest misconceptions that women fall prey to is the idea that wine is a safer, healthier choice than the fattening, masculine beer we see in commercials. While wine has some appealing ingredients that other alcoholic beverages do not, (namely a group of antioxidants called polyphenolic compounds that come from grape skin), most experts say it's a myth that wine is healthier. All the risks and benefits of an alcoholic beverage come from the alcohol itself," says Zakhari, explaining that the alcoholic content of wine far outweighs the amount of these other ingredients. "So it doesn't really matter whether it's beer or wine or something else."
3. Breast Cancer Caveat
As for the much-studied link between alcohol and breast cancer, no one can say for certain whether one has anything to do with the other. While research reported at September's European Cancer Conference indicated that women who drank heavily (three glasses a day or more) faced a 30 percent higher risk of breast cancer, numerous other studies over the last decade have shown the opposite—that there is no correlation between alcohol and breast cancer. "The studies have been all over the place," says Zakhari. "The bottom line is that we aren't sure, and women who are genetically predisposed to breast cancer should probably drink less if they want to be on the safe side."
4. The Third Trimester
It's no secret that drinking while pregnant can seriously threaten the health of your unborn child—the risk of fetal-alcohol syndrome (FAS) has long been tied to alcohol consumption during the first trimester of pregnancy, when organs and body features are still developing. That being said, many if not most mothers report being cleared by their doctors for a glass of wine or two once they reach the third trimester—and some evidence suggests that as many as 10 percent of pregnant women drink moderately. Now researchers say that FAS-associated brain damage may result from drinking at any point during a pregnancy, including the final weeks.
How much drinking puts an unborn child at risk has divided the American medical community from its European counterpart for decades. While the United States has adopted a precautionary approach, advising women who are or might become pregnant not to drink at all, Europeans have traditionally condoned a couple of drinks towards the end of a pregnancy. This can lead to confusion (and make Americans seem like prudes to their European friends). But with the French now putting warnings about drinking during pregnancy on their wine, those continental attitudes seem to be changing.
5. Drink and Live Longer?
More research is needed before doctors can say for certain whether alcohol does in fact reduce your chances of suffering from type-2 diabetes or dementia. But most experts do agree that a drink a day can offer at least some protection against cardiovascular disease. "The main benefit of alcohol that we can state with any degree of certainty is that it counteracts the narrowing of coronary arteries that comes with age," says Cynthia Bearer, a physician and associate professor at Case Western Reserve University in Ohio "That benefit is going to be seen really only in the older population—people over 50."
With that bit of certainty comes another conundrum: aging also reduces our tolerance for alcohol, most likely by reducing the amount of water in our bodies. Studies have shown that older adults of both sexes reach higher blood-alcohol levels than younger adults who drink the same amount. So reaching the half-century mark doesn't necessarily mean you should party like a rock star. Moderation is still key, at any age.
What's a Wise Woman to Do?
Take a look at the official guidelines and compare them honestly to your own consumption. The U.S. Department of Health and Human Services (HHS) defines moderate drinking as no more than one drink a day for women, and no more than two drinks a day for men. According to a report by the National Institute of Alcoholism and Alcohol Abuse (NIAAA), 13 percent of women who drink surpass this one-drink cut off. And roughly 5.3 million women in the United States drink in a way that threatens their health and safety. "I don't think this means that women are over-estimating the benefits of drinking," Zakhari says. "But people who want to drink may use [the reported benefits] as a way to justify their choices."
While the potential benefits of moderate drinking may be equal for both sexes, the risks are higher for women, which means that women need to be more cautious than men at the bar or liquor store. Those with a family history of breast cancer or alcoholism should probably head for the soft-drink aisle instead. Bottom line, says Zakhari: "If you want to drink for pleasure and you can do it in moderation, that's fine. If you want to drink to combat coronary heart disease, well, there are safer, cheaper and more effective ways of doing that." The most obvious examples are diet and exercise, and for osteoporosis, make sure you are getting enough calcium.
Friday, May 23, 2008
7 Most Common Retirement Mistakes
There's no single formula that will produce a happy retirement for baby boomers. But there are ways to boost the odds you'll retire in bliss rather than misery, experts say.
"About half of today's retirees are really quite miserable in their post-retirement lives," psychologist and researcher Ken Dychtwald has concluded, based on 50,000-plus interviews he has done for his books on aging.
Those retirees end up unhappy because they are unable to adapt to the new retirement model, says Jim McCarthy, a managing director at Morgan Stanley. How to be happy after work ends
"We have tended to look at our lives as being linear and retirement as being the final stage that we enter," McCarthy says. "If you realize that you're not locked in to any one approach or model -- that having 20 or 30 years gives you a lot of time to test out new roles for yourself -- well, you've boosted the odds that you'll succeed at retirement."
Having both time and options is a plus for boomers. But it also "pushes them to think outside their routines, beyond their comfort zone," says Sri Reddy, the head of retirement-income strategies for ING, a financial-services company. "Perhaps the biggest challenge boomers will face is a challenge to their imagination." Quiz: Are you ready for retirement?
As boomers start to act on their imaginations, experts say, there will be common traps to watch out for. Here are the top seven:
1. Exiting before deciding on an encore. Retiring early may seem like a status symbol, signaling financial success. But that doesn't mean it's the right thing to do, says McCarthy, even if you really hate your job.
"You're not ready to retire until you've decided what you're going to do for an encore," McCarthy says.
A retirement-life plan doesn't have to be carved in stone, but it should exist, says Fred Mandell, a former Ameriprise executive.
Mandell, for example, began crafting his plan at age 55, three years before he retired in 2001.
"Once I began thinking about the future, I realized I didn't know what that would involve, and I drew up a kind of business plan around what I thought I might want to pursue."
That led Mandell to explore art -- sculpture, drawing and painting -- and then create a consulting company. Slide show: See Mandell's art
2. Locking yourself in. For many boomers, retirement is the first time in their adult lives to be their own bosses -- that is, if they choose to. If they don't, that's a big mistake, says Jeri Sedlar, author of 'Don't retire, rewire!' and an adviser to The Conference Board, a business research organization, on issues related to the aging work force. The most common problem
"It's unrealistic to try and come up with one giant plan for the rest of your life," she says. Instead, Sedlar advocates breaking up retirement plans into small, bite-size pieces.
"Don't let anyone tempt you into giving them a definitive answer to the question, 'What are you going to do with your retirement?'" she urges. "Figure it out, step by step, along the way."
3. Failing to communicate your dreams to loved ones. Spending decades of your working life with a spouse or significant other doesn't necessarily mean you've shared all your thoughts and dreams about retirement. Oh, and . . . tell your spouse
"One person wants to go and ski; the other wants to join the Peace Corps. That's a recipe for a problematic retirement," says Carlos Lowenberg, a financial adviser in Austin, Texas.
Another financial adviser, Brad Levin of Legacy Wealth Partners in Encino, Calif., has both spouses fill out a checklist of retirement goals -- separately. The two lists often look very different, he says. "Then the challenge is getting them to find middle ground that leaves both feeling they will have a retirement they can look forward to."
4. Leaping before you look. The retirement hall of shame is full of people whose dreams crashed into reality. "What gives you pleasure during a 10-day vacation isn't necessarily what you'll want from a retirement that lasts 30 years," points out Bob Gleeson, a vice president and the medical director of Northwestern Mutual Life Insurance. A retirement test drive?
The same rules apply to a post-retirement career change. Whether you plan to start a business, move to a village in Italy or get involved in philanthropy, the best idea is to test-drive your plans before you begin. Get the skills you'll need; work in the field for a few months before making the leap. Or spend a few weeks in Sicily before you buy a villa.
5. Underestimating your longevity or health-care costs. You've built up a retirement nest egg, but that doesn't mean you should embark on a spending spree. You need to remember that one member of each couple reaching the age of 65 stands a 50-50 chance of living past age 90, and longevity is increasing all the time.
"It's a joke in this business that the ideal financial plan is one where your money lasts a day longer than you do," says financial adviser Levin. "But the nightmare scenario is where someone has structured a financial plan that didn't include the possibility of living beyond 90 -- or of the major health-care costs that pile up late in retirement."
6. Counting on consulting. When it comes to pondering a post-retirement career, the field of consulting is a perennial favorite. But how many newly minted consultants does the market really need?
If you're expecting a consulting business to help pay the bills in retirement, test the waters before you dive in. The same is true of other businesses, says Chris Fahlund of T. Rowe Price.
"We've seen people buy franchises with the thought that this isn't really spending money, but investing, because they are putting it into a business to make money," she says.
The glitch, Fahlund notes, is that a lot of franchises don't work out, and the capital invested to acquire them is lost.
7. Overdoing it. Many boomers may want to avoid the lives of endless leisure lived by their parents in retirement. But it's possible to veer too far in the other direction as well, cautions Tom Rogerson, a financial adviser at BNY Mellon.
"How you go about striking that balance is the question that everyone needs to address," he says. To help his clients find a balance, Rogerson asks them what makes them "relax well enough to sleep at night," he says.
"It turns out that the days they slept well were days that they had been productive at something but had also spent time with friends and family," Rogerson says. So the key to reinventing retirement is hanging on to the best parts of working lives, he says, and replacing the rest with more time devoted to family, friends and other passions
"About half of today's retirees are really quite miserable in their post-retirement lives," psychologist and researcher Ken Dychtwald has concluded, based on 50,000-plus interviews he has done for his books on aging.
Those retirees end up unhappy because they are unable to adapt to the new retirement model, says Jim McCarthy, a managing director at Morgan Stanley. How to be happy after work ends
"We have tended to look at our lives as being linear and retirement as being the final stage that we enter," McCarthy says. "If you realize that you're not locked in to any one approach or model -- that having 20 or 30 years gives you a lot of time to test out new roles for yourself -- well, you've boosted the odds that you'll succeed at retirement."
Having both time and options is a plus for boomers. But it also "pushes them to think outside their routines, beyond their comfort zone," says Sri Reddy, the head of retirement-income strategies for ING, a financial-services company. "Perhaps the biggest challenge boomers will face is a challenge to their imagination." Quiz: Are you ready for retirement?
As boomers start to act on their imaginations, experts say, there will be common traps to watch out for. Here are the top seven:
1. Exiting before deciding on an encore. Retiring early may seem like a status symbol, signaling financial success. But that doesn't mean it's the right thing to do, says McCarthy, even if you really hate your job.
"You're not ready to retire until you've decided what you're going to do for an encore," McCarthy says.
A retirement-life plan doesn't have to be carved in stone, but it should exist, says Fred Mandell, a former Ameriprise executive.
Mandell, for example, began crafting his plan at age 55, three years before he retired in 2001.
"Once I began thinking about the future, I realized I didn't know what that would involve, and I drew up a kind of business plan around what I thought I might want to pursue."
That led Mandell to explore art -- sculpture, drawing and painting -- and then create a consulting company. Slide show: See Mandell's art
2. Locking yourself in. For many boomers, retirement is the first time in their adult lives to be their own bosses -- that is, if they choose to. If they don't, that's a big mistake, says Jeri Sedlar, author of 'Don't retire, rewire!' and an adviser to The Conference Board, a business research organization, on issues related to the aging work force. The most common problem
"It's unrealistic to try and come up with one giant plan for the rest of your life," she says. Instead, Sedlar advocates breaking up retirement plans into small, bite-size pieces.
"Don't let anyone tempt you into giving them a definitive answer to the question, 'What are you going to do with your retirement?'" she urges. "Figure it out, step by step, along the way."
3. Failing to communicate your dreams to loved ones. Spending decades of your working life with a spouse or significant other doesn't necessarily mean you've shared all your thoughts and dreams about retirement. Oh, and . . . tell your spouse
"One person wants to go and ski; the other wants to join the Peace Corps. That's a recipe for a problematic retirement," says Carlos Lowenberg, a financial adviser in Austin, Texas.
Another financial adviser, Brad Levin of Legacy Wealth Partners in Encino, Calif., has both spouses fill out a checklist of retirement goals -- separately. The two lists often look very different, he says. "Then the challenge is getting them to find middle ground that leaves both feeling they will have a retirement they can look forward to."
4. Leaping before you look. The retirement hall of shame is full of people whose dreams crashed into reality. "What gives you pleasure during a 10-day vacation isn't necessarily what you'll want from a retirement that lasts 30 years," points out Bob Gleeson, a vice president and the medical director of Northwestern Mutual Life Insurance. A retirement test drive?
The same rules apply to a post-retirement career change. Whether you plan to start a business, move to a village in Italy or get involved in philanthropy, the best idea is to test-drive your plans before you begin. Get the skills you'll need; work in the field for a few months before making the leap. Or spend a few weeks in Sicily before you buy a villa.
5. Underestimating your longevity or health-care costs. You've built up a retirement nest egg, but that doesn't mean you should embark on a spending spree. You need to remember that one member of each couple reaching the age of 65 stands a 50-50 chance of living past age 90, and longevity is increasing all the time.
"It's a joke in this business that the ideal financial plan is one where your money lasts a day longer than you do," says financial adviser Levin. "But the nightmare scenario is where someone has structured a financial plan that didn't include the possibility of living beyond 90 -- or of the major health-care costs that pile up late in retirement."
6. Counting on consulting. When it comes to pondering a post-retirement career, the field of consulting is a perennial favorite. But how many newly minted consultants does the market really need?
If you're expecting a consulting business to help pay the bills in retirement, test the waters before you dive in. The same is true of other businesses, says Chris Fahlund of T. Rowe Price.
"We've seen people buy franchises with the thought that this isn't really spending money, but investing, because they are putting it into a business to make money," she says.
The glitch, Fahlund notes, is that a lot of franchises don't work out, and the capital invested to acquire them is lost.
7. Overdoing it. Many boomers may want to avoid the lives of endless leisure lived by their parents in retirement. But it's possible to veer too far in the other direction as well, cautions Tom Rogerson, a financial adviser at BNY Mellon.
"How you go about striking that balance is the question that everyone needs to address," he says. To help his clients find a balance, Rogerson asks them what makes them "relax well enough to sleep at night," he says.
"It turns out that the days they slept well were days that they had been productive at something but had also spent time with friends and family," Rogerson says. So the key to reinventing retirement is hanging on to the best parts of working lives, he says, and replacing the rest with more time devoted to family, friends and other passions
Girls Gone Wild
Women are drinking more and committing more violent crimes than in previous generations. Sonia Harford unravels the complex reasons why.
Not long ago, the women in Victorian prisons were there largely because of drug or property-related crimes.
But that picture is slowly changing, with a rising number of women being convicted for assault and other violent crimes.
Police statistics show that the rate of women arrested for crimes against the person - including homicide, rape, sexual assault, robbery and assault - increased from 2005 to 2007.
However, according to Australian Institute of Criminology figures covering Victoria, Queensland and South Australia, overall female offending rates increased only for assault between 1995 and 2006. The rate rose 40% for women, compared with 15% for male offenders.
Nationally, the imprisonment rate for women soared between 1984 and 2003, by 209% for women compared with 75% for men. So what's going on? Are women really becoming more violent?
While these figures point to a disturbing trend, those searching for the reasons behind it paint a complex picture of women's changing identities, and an apparent acceptance of an increasingly violent culture.
With traditional male and female roles under constant pressure, young women have been alternately admired and derided for their independence, risk-taking and showing a more aggressive side. At the same time, their lives have changed in other significant ways. Women now marry later (if at all), delay childbirth, enjoy their independent incomes and often play hard. Women are now more likely than ever to have a voice in business, government and relationships.
Popular culture carries the momentum, bringing feisty women to our television screens: Buffy, Roseanne, and Seinfeld's Elaine. And it has also brought images that didn't spare our sensitivities.
"I grew up taking in a lot of violence by watching news and current affairs on the ABC, and I believe I had a readiness to respond to this far more than my mother or grandmother had," says University of Melbourne academic and author Liz Conor. "Because of that indoctrination of violence, I came away thinking the world was a dangerous place."
The current generation of women may be less shocked by images of violence than previous generations, she says. "And young women witness the lack of redress of violence, particularly in football when the tribunals don't act. You have to ask, too, about violent video games like Grand Theft Auto. This is where they're allowed to act out their frustrations about being young."
Conor views female identity as inexorably shifting from discreet and self-effacing to assertive, with war service and the feminist revolution forming high-water marks. "Discreet is Edwardian, dainty was 1920s and interwar. Later, during wartime, women were involved in heavy work, and were also heroic and effective in espionage. They had physical endurance and skills that we've seen transfer to the sports field.
"Then feminism came along to say we were no longer to be dainty or fragile. This identity went out the window, it was wiped."
In alcohol consumption, too, women have taken to riskier behaviour. As the Rudd Government recently noted, women have caught up with men in terms of regular heavy drinking.
But the evidence of women taking on more "male" forms of crime, and the potential links between drinking and violence, are complex.
"Women populate public space now more than they once did, often in the company of men, and it would be interesting to track where violent incidents occur," says Dr Sue Davies, a senior criminology lecturer at La Trobe University.
Few jobs, sports and leisure activities remain inaccessible to women, and as well as rubbing shoulders with men, they can be rubbed up the wrong way. "The violence may well be happening in and around social venues where women drink and might get involved in violence with men," says Davies.
Criminologists and prisoner advocates emphasise there are many contributing factors to women's violence, including drug dependence and the influence of childhood abuse and family neglect. Many academic papers have also been devoted to women's treatment by police and the courts, and sentencing patterns.
In Australian Institute of Criminology data, the most common reasons female offenders gave for committing serious offences were: "I was drunk or high"; and "I lost my temper". Others included payback, seeking money for drugs, peer pressure, or for kicks.
"Girls these days are using speed and ice, destructive drugs that will intensify people's behaviour," says Davies. "There is no doubt drugs are a major part of female offending. But in crime statistics, drugs often get obscured when there's a more serious charge. If someone runs in waving a syringe, it's an armed robbery. The robbery may be recorded, but not the drug connection."
In Conor's view, feminists in the 1980s and '90s failed to be alert to women's drug and alcohol use, and violent behaviour. "We said it's nonsense, it's patriarchal, and that men consolidated power through violence. That was our political protest. We needed then, and we need now, to pay attention to alcohol and drug use among young women, too, particularly ice."
Professor George Patton, of Melbourne's Centre for Adolescent Health, has observed how young women over time "catch up" with men, particularly in recreational drug and alcohol use.
"The best example is tobacco use. For a long time we thought it was something boys came to earlier and used more heavily and longer. By the early 1990s, we'd seen an equalisation in the tobacco use rates, with girls even sneaking ahead. We've seen similar trends with cannabis use, and with drinking. In a couple of decades, girls have caught up to the boys."
He believes many factors have influenced the catch-up, including affluence and the marketing of alcohol products, particularly during puberty when "kids are acutely attuned to what their peers are doing and what they believe their peers are doing, and are acutely attuned to what they see in the media".
Hence the Rudd Government targeting brightly coloured "alcopops" with its dramatic tax hike.
The organisation ARBIAS (Alcohol Related Brain Injury Australian Services) warns that a whole generation of young women may suffer the harmful effects of alcohol within 10 years. Alarming statistics reveal that girls aged 12 to 15 are more than three times as likely as teenage boys of the same age to consume alcohol at least once a week. More teenage girls than boys are drinking at levels regarded as harmful to their health; and the number of girls between 15 and 17 drinking alcopops has jumped more than 40% since 2000, according to the Australian Bureau of Statistics.
Women are more susceptible than men to alcohol's effects. But apart from the physical price they pay for big nights out, women also labour under lingering cultural prejudices about acceptable feminine behaviour. Drunk women and violent women tend to attract attention - when Amy Winehouse walks into a lamppost, a photographer is usually on hand to capture her humiliation.
"Back in the '50s and '60s, women who did drink were linked with promiscuity, and I think that still carries over into a link with sexual risk-taking," says Dr Jo Lindsay, a Monash University sociologist who has researched Melbourne's club and pub culture. "That's been glamourised in shows like Sex and the City, and there's been more openness for women, but there's a negative side too."
The days of a modest sherry are long gone for many women. "Drinking habits are linked to gender, and we have seen a big shift. Alcohol is central to everyday life in Australia and an important part of being an adult. If you're a non-drinker now, it's very hard to participate socially."
It wasn't always so. In the 1950s and '60s, when the public bar was off-limits to females, women accepted a kind of social apartheid built on the high moral ground. Most women traditionally played a supporting role for men, which included limiting men's consumption of alcohol, says Lindsay. "They had to manage the drinking too, in terms of its impact on domestic violence and sexual assault, so drinking has been a dangerous thing for women in the past," she says.
"Clearly there's been a big change that goes along with second-wave feminism. Nightlife has been feminised and so has drinking. Women see it as their right to enjoy nightlife just as men do, and it's become an important part of work life to go out drinking. Also, the youth stage is so stretched out, with women having children later. It's not just the two years between high school and then motherhood, now young people have a lot more time to drink."
The downside, she says, is the compulsory drinking with peers that men have always been subject to. "You can't really get away with your one shandy."
Patton believes the perception of women drinkers as unfeminine has faded. "Alcohol and drug use is very much part of the lifestyle of celebrity role models that girls look to, and I think that's contributed to the social sanctions against drinking diminishing."
But are they? Feminist criminologists are quick to warn that women are often judged more harshly than men for seemingly inappropriate behaviour. "If women behave aggressively, it's more quickly pathologised as not being feminine enough," says University of Melbourne criminology researcher Antonia Quadara.
"If binge-drinking is seen as aping male behaviour, it's still seen as more problematic for women than it is for men. There's an association of women as uncontrollable. When they step outside rigid stereotypes of what's acceptable, they're seen as behaving worse than men."
Conor believes perceptions of drunk or violent women are governed by "a class reading, rather than a gender one; they are seen as trash".
Victoria Police inspector Paul Ross insists that, on Melbourne's nightlife streets, women and men are treated equally when drunk or violent. Despite the statistics, he hasn't witnessed any great change in rates of female offending in the inner city.
In his experience, drunk women are more at risk of being victims of violence or sexual assault, than perpetrators. "Becoming inebriated puts women in a high-risk category, particularly late at night, and they should be mindful of that."
Lindsay also takes a moderate view. She doesn't believe, on the whole, that Australian women are violent, and says it's often overlooked that many women do drink just a little. In her view, there's no need for "moral panic" about young women's drinking and subsequent behaviour.
"I don't think we're like Britain, where the 'ladette' stuff is really strong. I was in Manchester a few years ago, and it was St Patrick's Day and there was mayhem on the streets. Women were throwing things, getting arrested, screaming. I don't think we see that here.
"For men, drinking is often a licence to be aggressive. Women in Australia just don't do that, we're not like football players who glass their girlfriend."
Even at the Melbourne Cup, when they're sitting ducks for press photographers, women are more messy than menacing. "They're just hilariously toppling on their heels, or having a wee in the car park. They're hardly a public danger!" says Lindsay.
Not long ago, the women in Victorian prisons were there largely because of drug or property-related crimes.
But that picture is slowly changing, with a rising number of women being convicted for assault and other violent crimes.
Police statistics show that the rate of women arrested for crimes against the person - including homicide, rape, sexual assault, robbery and assault - increased from 2005 to 2007.
However, according to Australian Institute of Criminology figures covering Victoria, Queensland and South Australia, overall female offending rates increased only for assault between 1995 and 2006. The rate rose 40% for women, compared with 15% for male offenders.
Nationally, the imprisonment rate for women soared between 1984 and 2003, by 209% for women compared with 75% for men. So what's going on? Are women really becoming more violent?
While these figures point to a disturbing trend, those searching for the reasons behind it paint a complex picture of women's changing identities, and an apparent acceptance of an increasingly violent culture.
With traditional male and female roles under constant pressure, young women have been alternately admired and derided for their independence, risk-taking and showing a more aggressive side. At the same time, their lives have changed in other significant ways. Women now marry later (if at all), delay childbirth, enjoy their independent incomes and often play hard. Women are now more likely than ever to have a voice in business, government and relationships.
Popular culture carries the momentum, bringing feisty women to our television screens: Buffy, Roseanne, and Seinfeld's Elaine. And it has also brought images that didn't spare our sensitivities.
"I grew up taking in a lot of violence by watching news and current affairs on the ABC, and I believe I had a readiness to respond to this far more than my mother or grandmother had," says University of Melbourne academic and author Liz Conor. "Because of that indoctrination of violence, I came away thinking the world was a dangerous place."
The current generation of women may be less shocked by images of violence than previous generations, she says. "And young women witness the lack of redress of violence, particularly in football when the tribunals don't act. You have to ask, too, about violent video games like Grand Theft Auto. This is where they're allowed to act out their frustrations about being young."
Conor views female identity as inexorably shifting from discreet and self-effacing to assertive, with war service and the feminist revolution forming high-water marks. "Discreet is Edwardian, dainty was 1920s and interwar. Later, during wartime, women were involved in heavy work, and were also heroic and effective in espionage. They had physical endurance and skills that we've seen transfer to the sports field.
"Then feminism came along to say we were no longer to be dainty or fragile. This identity went out the window, it was wiped."
In alcohol consumption, too, women have taken to riskier behaviour. As the Rudd Government recently noted, women have caught up with men in terms of regular heavy drinking.
But the evidence of women taking on more "male" forms of crime, and the potential links between drinking and violence, are complex.
"Women populate public space now more than they once did, often in the company of men, and it would be interesting to track where violent incidents occur," says Dr Sue Davies, a senior criminology lecturer at La Trobe University.
Few jobs, sports and leisure activities remain inaccessible to women, and as well as rubbing shoulders with men, they can be rubbed up the wrong way. "The violence may well be happening in and around social venues where women drink and might get involved in violence with men," says Davies.
Criminologists and prisoner advocates emphasise there are many contributing factors to women's violence, including drug dependence and the influence of childhood abuse and family neglect. Many academic papers have also been devoted to women's treatment by police and the courts, and sentencing patterns.
In Australian Institute of Criminology data, the most common reasons female offenders gave for committing serious offences were: "I was drunk or high"; and "I lost my temper". Others included payback, seeking money for drugs, peer pressure, or for kicks.
"Girls these days are using speed and ice, destructive drugs that will intensify people's behaviour," says Davies. "There is no doubt drugs are a major part of female offending. But in crime statistics, drugs often get obscured when there's a more serious charge. If someone runs in waving a syringe, it's an armed robbery. The robbery may be recorded, but not the drug connection."
In Conor's view, feminists in the 1980s and '90s failed to be alert to women's drug and alcohol use, and violent behaviour. "We said it's nonsense, it's patriarchal, and that men consolidated power through violence. That was our political protest. We needed then, and we need now, to pay attention to alcohol and drug use among young women, too, particularly ice."
Professor George Patton, of Melbourne's Centre for Adolescent Health, has observed how young women over time "catch up" with men, particularly in recreational drug and alcohol use.
"The best example is tobacco use. For a long time we thought it was something boys came to earlier and used more heavily and longer. By the early 1990s, we'd seen an equalisation in the tobacco use rates, with girls even sneaking ahead. We've seen similar trends with cannabis use, and with drinking. In a couple of decades, girls have caught up to the boys."
He believes many factors have influenced the catch-up, including affluence and the marketing of alcohol products, particularly during puberty when "kids are acutely attuned to what their peers are doing and what they believe their peers are doing, and are acutely attuned to what they see in the media".
Hence the Rudd Government targeting brightly coloured "alcopops" with its dramatic tax hike.
The organisation ARBIAS (Alcohol Related Brain Injury Australian Services) warns that a whole generation of young women may suffer the harmful effects of alcohol within 10 years. Alarming statistics reveal that girls aged 12 to 15 are more than three times as likely as teenage boys of the same age to consume alcohol at least once a week. More teenage girls than boys are drinking at levels regarded as harmful to their health; and the number of girls between 15 and 17 drinking alcopops has jumped more than 40% since 2000, according to the Australian Bureau of Statistics.
Women are more susceptible than men to alcohol's effects. But apart from the physical price they pay for big nights out, women also labour under lingering cultural prejudices about acceptable feminine behaviour. Drunk women and violent women tend to attract attention - when Amy Winehouse walks into a lamppost, a photographer is usually on hand to capture her humiliation.
"Back in the '50s and '60s, women who did drink were linked with promiscuity, and I think that still carries over into a link with sexual risk-taking," says Dr Jo Lindsay, a Monash University sociologist who has researched Melbourne's club and pub culture. "That's been glamourised in shows like Sex and the City, and there's been more openness for women, but there's a negative side too."
The days of a modest sherry are long gone for many women. "Drinking habits are linked to gender, and we have seen a big shift. Alcohol is central to everyday life in Australia and an important part of being an adult. If you're a non-drinker now, it's very hard to participate socially."
It wasn't always so. In the 1950s and '60s, when the public bar was off-limits to females, women accepted a kind of social apartheid built on the high moral ground. Most women traditionally played a supporting role for men, which included limiting men's consumption of alcohol, says Lindsay. "They had to manage the drinking too, in terms of its impact on domestic violence and sexual assault, so drinking has been a dangerous thing for women in the past," she says.
"Clearly there's been a big change that goes along with second-wave feminism. Nightlife has been feminised and so has drinking. Women see it as their right to enjoy nightlife just as men do, and it's become an important part of work life to go out drinking. Also, the youth stage is so stretched out, with women having children later. It's not just the two years between high school and then motherhood, now young people have a lot more time to drink."
The downside, she says, is the compulsory drinking with peers that men have always been subject to. "You can't really get away with your one shandy."
Patton believes the perception of women drinkers as unfeminine has faded. "Alcohol and drug use is very much part of the lifestyle of celebrity role models that girls look to, and I think that's contributed to the social sanctions against drinking diminishing."
But are they? Feminist criminologists are quick to warn that women are often judged more harshly than men for seemingly inappropriate behaviour. "If women behave aggressively, it's more quickly pathologised as not being feminine enough," says University of Melbourne criminology researcher Antonia Quadara.
"If binge-drinking is seen as aping male behaviour, it's still seen as more problematic for women than it is for men. There's an association of women as uncontrollable. When they step outside rigid stereotypes of what's acceptable, they're seen as behaving worse than men."
Conor believes perceptions of drunk or violent women are governed by "a class reading, rather than a gender one; they are seen as trash".
Victoria Police inspector Paul Ross insists that, on Melbourne's nightlife streets, women and men are treated equally when drunk or violent. Despite the statistics, he hasn't witnessed any great change in rates of female offending in the inner city.
In his experience, drunk women are more at risk of being victims of violence or sexual assault, than perpetrators. "Becoming inebriated puts women in a high-risk category, particularly late at night, and they should be mindful of that."
Lindsay also takes a moderate view. She doesn't believe, on the whole, that Australian women are violent, and says it's often overlooked that many women do drink just a little. In her view, there's no need for "moral panic" about young women's drinking and subsequent behaviour.
"I don't think we're like Britain, where the 'ladette' stuff is really strong. I was in Manchester a few years ago, and it was St Patrick's Day and there was mayhem on the streets. Women were throwing things, getting arrested, screaming. I don't think we see that here.
"For men, drinking is often a licence to be aggressive. Women in Australia just don't do that, we're not like football players who glass their girlfriend."
Even at the Melbourne Cup, when they're sitting ducks for press photographers, women are more messy than menacing. "They're just hilariously toppling on their heels, or having a wee in the car park. They're hardly a public danger!" says Lindsay.
Tuesday, April 29, 2008
The Way Children see things
The Way Children See Things!
NUDITY
I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when a Woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She was stark naked! As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my 5-year-old shout from the back seat, "Mom! That lady isn't wearing a seat belt!
HONESTY
My son Zachary, 4, came screaming out of the bathroom to tell me he'd dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. So I fished it out and threw it in the garbage. Zachary stood there thinking for a moment, then ran to my bathroom and came out with my toothbrush. He held it up and said with a charming little smile, "We better throw this one out too then, 'cause it fell in the toilet a few days ago.
OPINIONS
On the first day of school, a first-grader handed his teacher a Note from his mother. The note read, "The opinions expressed by this child are not necessarily those of his parents."
KETCHUP
A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup to come out of the jar. During her struggle the phone rang so she asked her 4-year-old daughter to answer the phone. "It's the minister, Mommy," the child said to her mother. Then she added, "Mommy can't come to the phone to talk to you right now. She's hitting the bottle."
MORE NUDITY
A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women's locker room. When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels and running for cover. The little boy watched in amazement and then asked, "What's the matter haven't you ever seen a little boy before?"
ELDERLY
While working for an organization that delivers lunches to elderly shut-ins, I used to take my 4-year-old daughter on my afternoon rounds. The various appliances of old age, particularly the canes, walkers and wheelchairs, unfailingly intrigued her. One day I found her staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass. As I braced myself for the inevitable barrage of questions, she merely turned and whispered, "The tooth fairy will never believe this!"
DRESS-UP
A little girl was watching her parents dress for a party. When she saw her dad donning his tuxedo, she warned, "Daddy, you shouldn't wear that suit."
"And why not, darling?"
"You know that it always gives you a headache the next morning."
SCHOOL
A little girl had just finished her first week of school. "I'm just wasting my time," she said to her mother. "I can't read, I can't write and they won't let me talk!"
NUDITY
I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when a Woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She was stark naked! As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my 5-year-old shout from the back seat, "Mom! That lady isn't wearing a seat belt!
HONESTY
My son Zachary, 4, came screaming out of the bathroom to tell me he'd dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. So I fished it out and threw it in the garbage. Zachary stood there thinking for a moment, then ran to my bathroom and came out with my toothbrush. He held it up and said with a charming little smile, "We better throw this one out too then, 'cause it fell in the toilet a few days ago.
OPINIONS
On the first day of school, a first-grader handed his teacher a Note from his mother. The note read, "The opinions expressed by this child are not necessarily those of his parents."
KETCHUP
A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup to come out of the jar. During her struggle the phone rang so she asked her 4-year-old daughter to answer the phone. "It's the minister, Mommy," the child said to her mother. Then she added, "Mommy can't come to the phone to talk to you right now. She's hitting the bottle."
MORE NUDITY
A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women's locker room. When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels and running for cover. The little boy watched in amazement and then asked, "What's the matter haven't you ever seen a little boy before?"
ELDERLY
While working for an organization that delivers lunches to elderly shut-ins, I used to take my 4-year-old daughter on my afternoon rounds. The various appliances of old age, particularly the canes, walkers and wheelchairs, unfailingly intrigued her. One day I found her staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass. As I braced myself for the inevitable barrage of questions, she merely turned and whispered, "The tooth fairy will never believe this!"
DRESS-UP
A little girl was watching her parents dress for a party. When she saw her dad donning his tuxedo, she warned, "Daddy, you shouldn't wear that suit."
"And why not, darling?"
"You know that it always gives you a headache the next morning."
SCHOOL
A little girl had just finished her first week of school. "I'm just wasting my time," she said to her mother. "I can't read, I can't write and they won't let me talk!"
Saturday, April 12, 2008
BedRoom Habits......
AQUARIUS
Jan 21 - Feb 19Ruling Planet: URANUS.The God of unexpected sexual twists and turns. Aquarians make much better friends than lovers, but when a typical Aquarian gets some bang-bang, it's more an intellectual experience than an emotional one. Looks aren't important to Aquarians in a relationship; it's the mind and spirit of a lover that turns Aquarius on.
They are very entertaining in bed and are probably the most inventive of all the signs. Mental stimulation is more important to them than physical, which means that pornography gets them hot!
Aquarians are impatient and like sex to be fast and satisfying. They are very particular about hygiene and contraception and sleeping around holds little interest for them.
FAVE POSITIONMutual masturbation.
BEST SEX TOYA Dildo. Whether gay, straight, male or female, Aquarians will have some fun with this.
AQUARIUS MALE IN BEDHe has amazing staying power in the sack. He can keep at it and control himself for as long as it takes for YOU to finish! He's up for anything too. Role playing, S&M, posing nude in the backyard at 5am he's just not into 3somes, swinging or open relationships if YOU are involved. He'll do that for fun, but not with the love of his life.
AQUARIUS FEMALE IN BEDShe's looking for a lover who will be upfront with her, but until she finds him, she will make do with whoever is available. LOVE freaks her out. She likes keeping her emotions under tight control and may come across as cold, but she's just protecting herself.
THE BEST WAY TO TURN ON AQUARIUSLie down as if you are top and tailing and gently tickle and stroke the ankles and the calves. Don't tickle for giggles, but tease. After awhile, do the same with your tongue. Lick up, down and all around. Anywhere above the foot and below the knee is fair game. Lightly nip the ankle of your Aquarian, they may laugh, but it's not laughter from tickles, it's a release of tension that will most definitely lead to some action!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- PISCES
Feb 20 - March 20Ruling Planet: NEPTUNEThe God in charge of delicious dreams, dangerous deceptions and sexual fantasies Sexually speaking, Pisces is putty in your hands. Anything you want, anything, is only a question away. If you're looking for someone who will go the extra mile to discover all your secret moan zones, then Pisces is for you!
When a typical Piscean makes out, it's an act of romance rather than pure pleasure. Pisces is the sign of love itself. They are so romantic and want satin sheets and candles, poetry and a full moon. Music also gets them in the mood.
One of their least appetizing traits is their ability to become very,very jealous. Sometimes they are so scared of losing the fairy-tale romance that they ruin the happy ending themselves.
FAVE POSITION Pisces is all about Oral affections!
BEST SEX TOYA copy of the Kama Sutra, since your fish is into almost anything
PISCES MALE IN BEDHe is romantic and has the reputation of being a womanizer. The girlfriend of a Piscean man should keep her eye on the ball as he can be a bit flighty.
But he does make an excellent lover. He's from the old school that sex should be an almost out of body experience, and if he's showering his attentions on you, you're in for a hell of a good ride!
PISCES FEMALE IN BEDShe needs romance. It's the very air that she breathes. She needs to be held gently and whispered sweet nothings to but when it comes to between the sheets action, she's never happy doing the same ol', same ol' when she knows there are more exciting options at hand.
THE BEST WAY TO TURN ON PISCESThe Pisces Zesty-zone is their feet! If you want to make Pisces your Love Slave, start with a warm, scented footbath and soak their feet for 10 minutes. Then sit in front of them, cross-legged, and rub their feet firmly through the water. Use kneading motions that run from their ankles to the tips of their toes. After 5 minutes, get a scrub brush and clean their tootsies with lots of TLC, dry them off and lightly massage peppermint oil all over their feet, paying close attention to between their toes. Pisces REALLY gets off on this! Once oiled up, gently kiss each toe, one by one. Then let your tongue take over and you're in baby!!!
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ARIES
March 21-April 20Ruling Planet: MARSThe bonk now/think later God of War, aggression and action! Sexually, Aries is an explosion waiting to happen! The excitement is often in the chase more than the actual conquest though and while they may appear to want to dominate, they do not want a submissive partner. Routine brings boredom to sex for Aries, so if you're only comfortable with the missionary position, go for another sign, but if you like forceful personalities and enjoy pretending you're a human Twistie, then you've found paradise with an Aries.
FAVE POSITIONAlways on top and always in charge
BEST SEX TOYHandcuffs! Like I said, Aries likes to take charge!
ARIES MALE IN BEDThe Aries male is loud, domineering and 100% stud! He's from the bump n grind school of lovemaking so if you're looking for romantic dinners by candlelight and long walks on the beach, keep looking! He's the original 5-minute man so if you're turned on by ultra-macho grunt-and-groaning types, you've just found your ticket to heaven! He's not prone to cheat unless you bore him in bed and he likes sex fast and furious baby!
ARIES FEMALE IN BEDShe views sex as more of a physical act than something from a soppy romance novel. If you're a bored exec and want to find out what it's like to be treated like a piece of meat, then go for a one night stand with an Aries chick. She'll be gone before you wake up and may not remember your name the next time you meet. She's got a touch of KINK to her personality so don't get freaked out when she talks dirty or puts you over her knee for a spanking. She's all woman, but are you man enough to handle her?
THE BEST WAY TO TURN ON ARIESIf you want to seduce an Aries, running your fingers through their hair is an awesome starting point! And licking and nibbling around their face or neck will get them going too! Just be careful to keep your saliva at bay. Drool is not cool!
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TAURUS
April 21 - May 21Ruling Planet: VENUSThe Goddess in charge of love, beauty and sex
Taureans are ahead of the game when it comes to love coz they are ruled by VENUS, the planet of Love! Taurus has all the qualities a lover desires, including sensuality, loyalty and faithfulness. When a typical Taurus makes love, it's the most physical and natural pleasure in the world. They believe the romantic approach to sex almost always pays off so they will happily cook dinner, buy flowers, and light candles for someone they wanna bang. They don't like to rush things and take everything, including sex, slowly.
FAVE POSITIONThe one Taurus enjoys most is the Missionary. Some may say this is so unadventurous, but Taurus is very practical and this is the most comfortable.
BEST SEX TOYA battery powered "erotic massager"
TAURUS MALE IN BEDThe Taurean man needs a woman who will want to stay home to eat and make love. He can be stubborn and is known to sulk like a little boy, but he LOVES making up!! (Rrrrow!)
He likes to take things slow and gently and can last for hours, always waiting for HER to finish before rolling over to sleep.
TAURUS FEMALE IN BEDShe is great at back massages and sex in general. She makes an art of lovemaking. Just kissing her can bring some men to the big "O". Her touch is gentle and tender, it excites and caresses and when in the mood, she too can go for hours at a time, days on end.
THE BEST WAY TO TURN ON TAURUSThere's nothing Taurus enjoys more than having their neck kissed and their earlobes nibbled. Light, feathery caresses up and down the neck followed by gentle licks, no biting, will make a female writhe with delight and a male stand at attention within seconds.
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GEMINI
May 22 - June 21Ruling Planet: MERCURYThe swiftest God in the skies, who also happens to be in charge of ultr-extreme raunchy talk.
Talking about sex is Gemini's favourite hobby and doing it comes a close second. Gemini's love flirting and lap up attention from the opposite sex, but sometimes that's all they're looking for.
They need a lot of variety when it comes to sex - dirty weekends away, a quickie in a shop doorway, serious groping under the table at a fancy restaurant. A lot of Gemini's are bisexual too and can often be drawn to those of the same sex.
FAVE POSITIONAs long as it's different every time, they're not fussy, but if they must choose, it's that naughty number right after 68, since they can come up for air if they need to.
BEST SEX TOYAny illustrated book about kinky sex, so Gemini can pick up some wild, new ideas
GEMINI MALE IN BEDHe likes to give AND receive and can be quite inventive. He’s a lights on, in front of the mirror kinda guy and if you make a few subtle noises and talk a wee bit dirty, he'll be very happy.
GEMINI FEMALE IN BEDShe is more interested in IQ than private parts. If she can't respect the intellect, then satisfaction is not possible for her. She may sleep around forever and never find her true love and she is not the most faithful of the signs. She likes sex on the run, in an airplane toilet, in the storeroom at work, in the backseat of a car�???
THE BEST WAY TO TURN ON GEMINIFocus on the shoulders, arms and legs of a Gemini and you're headed for the good books. They love a good massage and their hands are so sensitive that even having their fingernails played with sends shivers up their spine!
Kiss up and down each of your Gemini's arms, sneak in a few licks, nips and nibbles. If you get one or two yelps, then you know you're doing something right, then, move onto the fingers, slowly kiss, lick, nip and nibble each fingertip, then pull out the killer move - suck on each finger, slowly, as if it's a lollipop. I'll almost offer a money back guarantee on this one working!
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CANCER
June 22 - July 23Ruling Planet: THE MOONWhich isn't a planet at all but the satellite responsible for this water sign's many mood swings!
Love and sex go together for Cancer. They need to feel secure in love before they can relax in sex and Cancer often feels a little bit guilty after doing the deed because they usually associate sex with babies, especially the women, who either get pregnant at the drop of a hat or take longer than usual.
All Cancers WANT to be parents!Cancers become sexually excited when they feel secure. They are turned on by home cooked meals and partners who love kids. In so many ways, Cancer is the dream partner!
FAVE POSITIONAny position that's comfortable and involves Cancer lying flat on their back with all their sensitive areas exposed!
BEST SEX TOYA drink or joint that will relax the overly-cautious crab!
CANCER MALE IN BEDHe is a sensitive lover and will put his partner's needs before his own. He has a tenderness about him that drives women wild!
If the Cancer guy decides he's in it for the long haul, he'll do whatever it takes to keep his lover happy in and out of the bedroom. Oh, and he's a BREAST man!!
CANCER FEMALE IN BEDShe oozes sexiness and is born to mate!! Compliments and kissing will win her over, so as you're nibbling on her ear, whisper "you're so beautiful" to get her quivering. Perhaps the Vincent (Big Brother) growl would work on a Cancer woman?
THE BEST WAY TO TURN ON CANCERConcentrate on the breasts and pecs of Cancer to really get them going. Start by kissing and brushing up against them. Licking the Cancer female's nipple through her top will excite her, but don't 'dive right in' coz you're likely to scare her.
It's the complete opposite for the Cancer male who will LOVE it if you get straight to the point. Squeeze his pecs and bite his bod and you'll have him bouncing off the walls in no time!
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LEO
July 24 - August 23Ruling Planet: THE SUNWhich isn't a planet at all, but a star, and just like Leo's opinion of themselves, it's the centre of our solar system!
Leos can be very 'into themselves' when they bonk. It's not that they don't make their partner feel special, it's just that they often forget about them as they secretly high-five themselves for scoring again! Leo does actually want more from a partner than just sex though. Leo wants love and friendship too. They can be very romantic, but when they get into bed, it's not an experience they're about to have, it's a show!
They like to perform... and they take requests! "Doing it" is theultimate stress buster for Leo and they are pretty damn good at it, but they need constant praise for their outstanding performance.
FAVE POSITIONReceiving 'oral affections', since Leo is all about getting serviced!
BEST SEX TOYA camera, or a game of Strip Poker will get the cat purring or perhaps you can use them both together!
LEO MALE IN BEDYou are the King of the Jungle and expect to be treated that way! You are a good lover because you don't like to fail at anything. You are sexy and have an aura of sexiness that is difficult to deny. But, you will let anyone adore you, so your partner has to make the effort or you will pad off to your next Lioness!!
LEO FEMALE IN BEDYou are elegant and sexy without even trying. Men love you and women want to be you. You like to play cat and mouse with men and command respect. In bed, you are a real panther and can scare the pants off most men. You adore raw sex, so your partner should go with you and enjoy it. You're a once in a lifetime experience!
THE BEST WAY TO TURN ON LEOA Leo's 'moan zone' is his or her back. First of all, ask your Leo to roll onto his/her tummy. Start with a gentle scratch that runs from the top of the ass to the base of the skull. I'm not talking about tender tickles or a tantalizing tease - I mean a REAL back scratch, coz if there's one thing cat’s love, it's a scratch!
After a minute or so, get out the massage oil and spill it into asnakey pattern on Leo's back. Then rub all over. Keep doing this until you know Leo is ready to roll over. If they start falling asleep, give them a gentle prod in a delicate place! Once Leo is ready to roll over, don't let them! Leo will be excited by your control. YOU decide when it's time to 'flip your feline' over and get into the good stuff!
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VIRGO
August 24 - September 23Ruling Planet: MercuryThe God in charge of intellect and speed�???but don't worry because Virgo likes to take their time in the sack!!
Virgos have two sides to their personality. The Virgin and the Vixen. They may want you to THINK they are all sweet and virginal, but they are definitely NOT! However, Virgos are looking for a long term partner, not a one night stand or an affair! They tend to seduce with finesse, charm and subtlety so you may not even realize you're being lured by a Virgo!! Once Virgo has been in a relationship for awhile, they get engrossed in housework and things like that, which can cause a serious dip in libido. Do NOT let this happen! They are definitely more of a "can we cuddle instead" sign that a 'let's get it on!' one when committed.
FAVE POSITIONAlmost anything, as long as it involves eye contact!
BEST SEX TOYIt's more of a game. Write down five wild sex acts and put them in a bowl. Get Virgo to pick one out at random, and then do what you're told!! Virgo LOVES spontaneous sexuality!
VIRGO MALE IN BEDYou can be quite boring at times because you have set views on how a woman should be. You don't mean to criticize or offend, but your perfectionist ways may drive your lover loopy! You DO have some kinky ideas though, but it is difficult to get to the bottom of your passion! You are a creature of habit, so if your lover can get you into the habit of sleeping with her, who knows what might happen?
VIRGO FEMALE IN BEDYou are hardworking and careful about your appearance, but you really do fantasize about getting down and dirty! You are a secret romantic and crave the perfect lover. Since the perfect lover doesn't exist, you'll take what you can get! You are quite insecure and need a partner who will adore you. You have strong passion beneath that practical exterior and are just waiting for someone to unearth it!
THE BEST WAY TO TURN ON VIRGOVirgo's have a VERY sexually sensitive tummy!! If you wanna make them putty in your hands, stroke, lick and kiss their stomach!! The area from the bellybutton DOWN! Once you have them squirming, you can have anything you want!! Just remember to keep one hand on their tummy at all times!!
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LIBRA
September 24 - October 23Ruling Planet: Venus -The planet in charge of beauty, love peace, and stirring sensuality
Libra is one of the sexiest signs in the zodiac, but if Libra can't getwhat they want from one lover, they will opt for two! They are notorious for having double standards in that situation too. They'll look you in the eye and say "never cheat on me, coz I would never do it to you", even when they have a hot night of passion planned with someone else! Librans are more turned on 'giving' than 'receiving'. They have a big heart and are the least selfish sign of the Zodiac.
Libras are not very open about their thoughts or fantasies. They'drather say nothing than tell the truth and offend or embarrass you. In bed, it takes a while for them to be comfortable enough to tell you exactly what they want.
FAVE POSITIONAs long as they are lying down, they're happy!
BEST SEX TOYK.Y. Jelly. I will say no more!
LIBRA MALE IN BEDThe Libra man sees sex as an exciting adventure and he'd be very keen to do it in kinky places like a restaurant toilet! He likes being a bad boy if there's a chance he might get caught. He'll try out any fantasy you have, but whether or not you can keep a tight hold on his heart remains to be seen. However, he can be a bit of a pushover, and is perfect husband material, and he'd prefer his lover to take the lead. He is romantic and considerate but may suffer from Premature Ejaculation!
LIBRA FEMALE IN BEDThe only thing that separates Libra men and women is what's between their legs! Libra girl wants a strong man who understands that she needs her individuality and freedom. She is turned off by burping, farting, and bad breath. Good personal hygiene is crucial if you want to get to 2nd base. Librans are very good at lying to get their own way. When your Libra girl groans in bed, look into her eyes to make sure she's not 'faking it'.
THE BEST WAY TO TURN ON LIBRALibra's Love Zone is their lower back and butt, so please, squeeze and pat your Libra's butt whenever you get a chance. When you're kissing, reach under his or her top and stroke the lower part of their back, starting in the middle and working your way down to their butt. Take your time and be gentle! To really drive your Libra wild? Have you ever heard of the term 'Rimming'??? Does it surprise you that a high percentage of Libras are gay?
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SCORPIO
October 24 - November 22Ruling Planet: PLUTOThe Roman God of the dead, beginnings and endings. Which basically means that Scorpios add novel differences to any relationship.
Scorpios are very possessive. They will tense up if you even LOOK at another hottie across the room. But they can be relied on to always be there for you if you need them. You may never really know what your Scorpio is thinking though, because to them, Knowledge is power and they are very good at putting on a straight face to cover up any emotion they are feeling. Scorpios love sex. The dirtier, the better. Get them excited by revealing your filthiest fantasy and offering to act it out.
FAVE POSITION:Anything, as long as it involves dominating your ass.
BEST SEX TOY:Ben Wah Balls for the girls, and a Riding Crop for the boys
SCORPIO MALE IN BEDHis sexuality is so strong, it will make you dizzy!! If you are lucky enough to be with a Scorpio boy, you will always be satisfied!! There's a rumour that the Scorpio man is the most skilled in bed. It's as true as a black man has a giant wang!!! Most are pretty good!! The only thing you don't wanna do is piss him off. Every little thing u do that he doesn't like, he will file away in his little mental rolodex. Piss him off one too many times, and he will wreak his revenge!!!
SCORPIO FEMALE IN BEDShe may look like a quiet, shy girl, but in bed she is NOT! She is a wildly passionate woman, who is DYNAMO is the bedroom. Just don't piss her off either, coz she can more vengeful than a Scorpio man, and she has no problem causing a scene! Don't talk about other women, or play hard to get, because she will get u back, and it's a game of one-upmanship you will never win.
THE BEST WAY TO TURN ON SCORPIOSince this is one of the horniest signs, it makes sense that their moan zone is between their legs! Then again, their big head (or their mind) is just as easy to turn on. Talking dirty and teasing your Scorpio will get them ready and randy in a flash!! Without getting too graphic, the magic words for today are RUB, RUB, RUB.
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SAGITTARIUS
November 23 - December 22Ruling Planet: JUPITERGod of money, luck and good times between the sheets. Sagos are playful, laid back and oh-so fun to party with. They arewild, and may be the BADDEST party people you ever meet! One thing to be wary of is that Sagos like to talk BULLSHIT!
Don't believe everything they tell you because they are kings at 'talking it up'. Sagos probably make better friends than lovers, but if you happen to score a one-nighter with them, be prepared to do stuff you've NEVER done before! Sagos are spontaneous and adventurous and most have probably been caught doing it somewhere public.
When they find the right lover, they will give it 100% as long as the commitment is returned.
FAVE POSITION:They are up for anything. Quality AND Quantity.
BEST SEX TOY:Handwrite a sexual fantasy of yours and leave it on their pillow. You'll be surprised at what happens next!
SAGITTARIAN MALE IN BEDEven if he's fat, balding and middle aged, he can still pull the chicks. It's his love and pursuit of happiness that draws the babes to him. Think "Austin Powers" baby, yeah! He is a wee bit selfish though, so be prepared for an "all about me" attitude in the sack. He LOVES doing it, and if you start holding out on him, he's likely to get it somewhere else. He will either amaze his partner with his sexual expertise or be absolute trash in bed!
SAGITTARIAN FEMALE IN BEDThe Sago woman is a handful! She changes her mind more often than she shaves her armpits, is blunt, oversensitive and takes offense at the strangest things. She's adventurous in the bedroom and also has no problems cheating if her needs are not fulfilled. But can u handle her open-minded sexuality? She will hide her emotions from you, but don't make the mistake of hiding yours from her. She's looking for someone she can trust 100%, but is quite hypocritical since she can be very untrustworthy herself.
THE BEST WAY TO TURN ON SAGITTARIUSHips and thighs are extremely sensual for a Sago, so concentrate on massaging and stroking that area and the place in between! Don't be afraid to ask your Sago if you're doing it right coz they would LOVE to tell you! The best way to get them going is to grope their inner thigh in a public place!
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CAPRICORN
December 23 - January 20Ruling Planet: SATURN -The God who oversees time, discipline and dedication, which means Capricorn can go the distance - with major staying power - in bed and beyond!!
Capricorns are very good at hiding their emotions, so it's often hard to tell when they are truly, deeply in love. If you have a load of cash, you can almost bet on admiration from a Capricorn because the goat is turned on by money. Like I said before, Capricorn has great sexual stamina and the ability to go all night if they want to!
FAVE POSITION:Spooning! Goat boys and girls love to take, or be taken from behind.
BEST SEX TOY: An office desk to "bond" on, or an erotic video will loosen up the randy goat.
CAPRICORN MALE IN BEDImagination isn't a strong suit for Capricorn so don't expect acrobatics in the sack. Sex with him could possibly be as boring as watching paint dry and he tends to be a little bit selfish in that area too. BUT you can definitely count on him to be faithful if he has committed to you.
CAPRICORN FEMALE IN BEDShe is strong and confident and likes to run the show! She's a tough nut to crack but once inside her shell, she's as sweet as caramel. Her fave position may be missionary, but she seeks excitement in new locations, so experiment with different venues to keep it interesting.
THE BEST WAY TO TURN ON CAPRICORNCapricorns are the most anal signs of the zodiac, so buttering them up will take a bit of effort. Believe it or not, their erotic area is the knees! Lightly stroke their legs, paying close attention to the knee region. Licking, kissing, and nibbling the area will get them squirming.
Jan 21 - Feb 19Ruling Planet: URANUS.The God of unexpected sexual twists and turns. Aquarians make much better friends than lovers, but when a typical Aquarian gets some bang-bang, it's more an intellectual experience than an emotional one. Looks aren't important to Aquarians in a relationship; it's the mind and spirit of a lover that turns Aquarius on.
They are very entertaining in bed and are probably the most inventive of all the signs. Mental stimulation is more important to them than physical, which means that pornography gets them hot!
Aquarians are impatient and like sex to be fast and satisfying. They are very particular about hygiene and contraception and sleeping around holds little interest for them.
FAVE POSITIONMutual masturbation.
BEST SEX TOYA Dildo. Whether gay, straight, male or female, Aquarians will have some fun with this.
AQUARIUS MALE IN BEDHe has amazing staying power in the sack. He can keep at it and control himself for as long as it takes for YOU to finish! He's up for anything too. Role playing, S&M, posing nude in the backyard at 5am he's just not into 3somes, swinging or open relationships if YOU are involved. He'll do that for fun, but not with the love of his life.
AQUARIUS FEMALE IN BEDShe's looking for a lover who will be upfront with her, but until she finds him, she will make do with whoever is available. LOVE freaks her out. She likes keeping her emotions under tight control and may come across as cold, but she's just protecting herself.
THE BEST WAY TO TURN ON AQUARIUSLie down as if you are top and tailing and gently tickle and stroke the ankles and the calves. Don't tickle for giggles, but tease. After awhile, do the same with your tongue. Lick up, down and all around. Anywhere above the foot and below the knee is fair game. Lightly nip the ankle of your Aquarian, they may laugh, but it's not laughter from tickles, it's a release of tension that will most definitely lead to some action!
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Feb 20 - March 20Ruling Planet: NEPTUNEThe God in charge of delicious dreams, dangerous deceptions and sexual fantasies Sexually speaking, Pisces is putty in your hands. Anything you want, anything, is only a question away. If you're looking for someone who will go the extra mile to discover all your secret moan zones, then Pisces is for you!
When a typical Piscean makes out, it's an act of romance rather than pure pleasure. Pisces is the sign of love itself. They are so romantic and want satin sheets and candles, poetry and a full moon. Music also gets them in the mood.
One of their least appetizing traits is their ability to become very,very jealous. Sometimes they are so scared of losing the fairy-tale romance that they ruin the happy ending themselves.
FAVE POSITION Pisces is all about Oral affections!
BEST SEX TOYA copy of the Kama Sutra, since your fish is into almost anything
PISCES MALE IN BEDHe is romantic and has the reputation of being a womanizer. The girlfriend of a Piscean man should keep her eye on the ball as he can be a bit flighty.
But he does make an excellent lover. He's from the old school that sex should be an almost out of body experience, and if he's showering his attentions on you, you're in for a hell of a good ride!
PISCES FEMALE IN BEDShe needs romance. It's the very air that she breathes. She needs to be held gently and whispered sweet nothings to but when it comes to between the sheets action, she's never happy doing the same ol', same ol' when she knows there are more exciting options at hand.
THE BEST WAY TO TURN ON PISCESThe Pisces Zesty-zone is their feet! If you want to make Pisces your Love Slave, start with a warm, scented footbath and soak their feet for 10 minutes. Then sit in front of them, cross-legged, and rub their feet firmly through the water. Use kneading motions that run from their ankles to the tips of their toes. After 5 minutes, get a scrub brush and clean their tootsies with lots of TLC, dry them off and lightly massage peppermint oil all over their feet, paying close attention to between their toes. Pisces REALLY gets off on this! Once oiled up, gently kiss each toe, one by one. Then let your tongue take over and you're in baby!!!
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ARIES
March 21-April 20Ruling Planet: MARSThe bonk now/think later God of War, aggression and action! Sexually, Aries is an explosion waiting to happen! The excitement is often in the chase more than the actual conquest though and while they may appear to want to dominate, they do not want a submissive partner. Routine brings boredom to sex for Aries, so if you're only comfortable with the missionary position, go for another sign, but if you like forceful personalities and enjoy pretending you're a human Twistie, then you've found paradise with an Aries.
FAVE POSITIONAlways on top and always in charge
BEST SEX TOYHandcuffs! Like I said, Aries likes to take charge!
ARIES MALE IN BEDThe Aries male is loud, domineering and 100% stud! He's from the bump n grind school of lovemaking so if you're looking for romantic dinners by candlelight and long walks on the beach, keep looking! He's the original 5-minute man so if you're turned on by ultra-macho grunt-and-groaning types, you've just found your ticket to heaven! He's not prone to cheat unless you bore him in bed and he likes sex fast and furious baby!
ARIES FEMALE IN BEDShe views sex as more of a physical act than something from a soppy romance novel. If you're a bored exec and want to find out what it's like to be treated like a piece of meat, then go for a one night stand with an Aries chick. She'll be gone before you wake up and may not remember your name the next time you meet. She's got a touch of KINK to her personality so don't get freaked out when she talks dirty or puts you over her knee for a spanking. She's all woman, but are you man enough to handle her?
THE BEST WAY TO TURN ON ARIESIf you want to seduce an Aries, running your fingers through their hair is an awesome starting point! And licking and nibbling around their face or neck will get them going too! Just be careful to keep your saliva at bay. Drool is not cool!
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TAURUS
April 21 - May 21Ruling Planet: VENUSThe Goddess in charge of love, beauty and sex
Taureans are ahead of the game when it comes to love coz they are ruled by VENUS, the planet of Love! Taurus has all the qualities a lover desires, including sensuality, loyalty and faithfulness. When a typical Taurus makes love, it's the most physical and natural pleasure in the world. They believe the romantic approach to sex almost always pays off so they will happily cook dinner, buy flowers, and light candles for someone they wanna bang. They don't like to rush things and take everything, including sex, slowly.
FAVE POSITIONThe one Taurus enjoys most is the Missionary. Some may say this is so unadventurous, but Taurus is very practical and this is the most comfortable.
BEST SEX TOYA battery powered "erotic massager"
TAURUS MALE IN BEDThe Taurean man needs a woman who will want to stay home to eat and make love. He can be stubborn and is known to sulk like a little boy, but he LOVES making up!! (Rrrrow!)
He likes to take things slow and gently and can last for hours, always waiting for HER to finish before rolling over to sleep.
TAURUS FEMALE IN BEDShe is great at back massages and sex in general. She makes an art of lovemaking. Just kissing her can bring some men to the big "O". Her touch is gentle and tender, it excites and caresses and when in the mood, she too can go for hours at a time, days on end.
THE BEST WAY TO TURN ON TAURUSThere's nothing Taurus enjoys more than having their neck kissed and their earlobes nibbled. Light, feathery caresses up and down the neck followed by gentle licks, no biting, will make a female writhe with delight and a male stand at attention within seconds.
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GEMINI
May 22 - June 21Ruling Planet: MERCURYThe swiftest God in the skies, who also happens to be in charge of ultr-extreme raunchy talk.
Talking about sex is Gemini's favourite hobby and doing it comes a close second. Gemini's love flirting and lap up attention from the opposite sex, but sometimes that's all they're looking for.
They need a lot of variety when it comes to sex - dirty weekends away, a quickie in a shop doorway, serious groping under the table at a fancy restaurant. A lot of Gemini's are bisexual too and can often be drawn to those of the same sex.
FAVE POSITIONAs long as it's different every time, they're not fussy, but if they must choose, it's that naughty number right after 68, since they can come up for air if they need to.
BEST SEX TOYAny illustrated book about kinky sex, so Gemini can pick up some wild, new ideas
GEMINI MALE IN BEDHe likes to give AND receive and can be quite inventive. He’s a lights on, in front of the mirror kinda guy and if you make a few subtle noises and talk a wee bit dirty, he'll be very happy.
GEMINI FEMALE IN BEDShe is more interested in IQ than private parts. If she can't respect the intellect, then satisfaction is not possible for her. She may sleep around forever and never find her true love and she is not the most faithful of the signs. She likes sex on the run, in an airplane toilet, in the storeroom at work, in the backseat of a car�???
THE BEST WAY TO TURN ON GEMINIFocus on the shoulders, arms and legs of a Gemini and you're headed for the good books. They love a good massage and their hands are so sensitive that even having their fingernails played with sends shivers up their spine!
Kiss up and down each of your Gemini's arms, sneak in a few licks, nips and nibbles. If you get one or two yelps, then you know you're doing something right, then, move onto the fingers, slowly kiss, lick, nip and nibble each fingertip, then pull out the killer move - suck on each finger, slowly, as if it's a lollipop. I'll almost offer a money back guarantee on this one working!
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CANCER
June 22 - July 23Ruling Planet: THE MOONWhich isn't a planet at all but the satellite responsible for this water sign's many mood swings!
Love and sex go together for Cancer. They need to feel secure in love before they can relax in sex and Cancer often feels a little bit guilty after doing the deed because they usually associate sex with babies, especially the women, who either get pregnant at the drop of a hat or take longer than usual.
All Cancers WANT to be parents!Cancers become sexually excited when they feel secure. They are turned on by home cooked meals and partners who love kids. In so many ways, Cancer is the dream partner!
FAVE POSITIONAny position that's comfortable and involves Cancer lying flat on their back with all their sensitive areas exposed!
BEST SEX TOYA drink or joint that will relax the overly-cautious crab!
CANCER MALE IN BEDHe is a sensitive lover and will put his partner's needs before his own. He has a tenderness about him that drives women wild!
If the Cancer guy decides he's in it for the long haul, he'll do whatever it takes to keep his lover happy in and out of the bedroom. Oh, and he's a BREAST man!!
CANCER FEMALE IN BEDShe oozes sexiness and is born to mate!! Compliments and kissing will win her over, so as you're nibbling on her ear, whisper "you're so beautiful" to get her quivering. Perhaps the Vincent (Big Brother) growl would work on a Cancer woman?
THE BEST WAY TO TURN ON CANCERConcentrate on the breasts and pecs of Cancer to really get them going. Start by kissing and brushing up against them. Licking the Cancer female's nipple through her top will excite her, but don't 'dive right in' coz you're likely to scare her.
It's the complete opposite for the Cancer male who will LOVE it if you get straight to the point. Squeeze his pecs and bite his bod and you'll have him bouncing off the walls in no time!
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LEO
July 24 - August 23Ruling Planet: THE SUNWhich isn't a planet at all, but a star, and just like Leo's opinion of themselves, it's the centre of our solar system!
Leos can be very 'into themselves' when they bonk. It's not that they don't make their partner feel special, it's just that they often forget about them as they secretly high-five themselves for scoring again! Leo does actually want more from a partner than just sex though. Leo wants love and friendship too. They can be very romantic, but when they get into bed, it's not an experience they're about to have, it's a show!
They like to perform... and they take requests! "Doing it" is theultimate stress buster for Leo and they are pretty damn good at it, but they need constant praise for their outstanding performance.
FAVE POSITIONReceiving 'oral affections', since Leo is all about getting serviced!
BEST SEX TOYA camera, or a game of Strip Poker will get the cat purring or perhaps you can use them both together!
LEO MALE IN BEDYou are the King of the Jungle and expect to be treated that way! You are a good lover because you don't like to fail at anything. You are sexy and have an aura of sexiness that is difficult to deny. But, you will let anyone adore you, so your partner has to make the effort or you will pad off to your next Lioness!!
LEO FEMALE IN BEDYou are elegant and sexy without even trying. Men love you and women want to be you. You like to play cat and mouse with men and command respect. In bed, you are a real panther and can scare the pants off most men. You adore raw sex, so your partner should go with you and enjoy it. You're a once in a lifetime experience!
THE BEST WAY TO TURN ON LEOA Leo's 'moan zone' is his or her back. First of all, ask your Leo to roll onto his/her tummy. Start with a gentle scratch that runs from the top of the ass to the base of the skull. I'm not talking about tender tickles or a tantalizing tease - I mean a REAL back scratch, coz if there's one thing cat’s love, it's a scratch!
After a minute or so, get out the massage oil and spill it into asnakey pattern on Leo's back. Then rub all over. Keep doing this until you know Leo is ready to roll over. If they start falling asleep, give them a gentle prod in a delicate place! Once Leo is ready to roll over, don't let them! Leo will be excited by your control. YOU decide when it's time to 'flip your feline' over and get into the good stuff!
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VIRGO
August 24 - September 23Ruling Planet: MercuryThe God in charge of intellect and speed�???but don't worry because Virgo likes to take their time in the sack!!
Virgos have two sides to their personality. The Virgin and the Vixen. They may want you to THINK they are all sweet and virginal, but they are definitely NOT! However, Virgos are looking for a long term partner, not a one night stand or an affair! They tend to seduce with finesse, charm and subtlety so you may not even realize you're being lured by a Virgo!! Once Virgo has been in a relationship for awhile, they get engrossed in housework and things like that, which can cause a serious dip in libido. Do NOT let this happen! They are definitely more of a "can we cuddle instead" sign that a 'let's get it on!' one when committed.
FAVE POSITIONAlmost anything, as long as it involves eye contact!
BEST SEX TOYIt's more of a game. Write down five wild sex acts and put them in a bowl. Get Virgo to pick one out at random, and then do what you're told!! Virgo LOVES spontaneous sexuality!
VIRGO MALE IN BEDYou can be quite boring at times because you have set views on how a woman should be. You don't mean to criticize or offend, but your perfectionist ways may drive your lover loopy! You DO have some kinky ideas though, but it is difficult to get to the bottom of your passion! You are a creature of habit, so if your lover can get you into the habit of sleeping with her, who knows what might happen?
VIRGO FEMALE IN BEDYou are hardworking and careful about your appearance, but you really do fantasize about getting down and dirty! You are a secret romantic and crave the perfect lover. Since the perfect lover doesn't exist, you'll take what you can get! You are quite insecure and need a partner who will adore you. You have strong passion beneath that practical exterior and are just waiting for someone to unearth it!
THE BEST WAY TO TURN ON VIRGOVirgo's have a VERY sexually sensitive tummy!! If you wanna make them putty in your hands, stroke, lick and kiss their stomach!! The area from the bellybutton DOWN! Once you have them squirming, you can have anything you want!! Just remember to keep one hand on their tummy at all times!!
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LIBRA
September 24 - October 23Ruling Planet: Venus -The planet in charge of beauty, love peace, and stirring sensuality
Libra is one of the sexiest signs in the zodiac, but if Libra can't getwhat they want from one lover, they will opt for two! They are notorious for having double standards in that situation too. They'll look you in the eye and say "never cheat on me, coz I would never do it to you", even when they have a hot night of passion planned with someone else! Librans are more turned on 'giving' than 'receiving'. They have a big heart and are the least selfish sign of the Zodiac.
Libras are not very open about their thoughts or fantasies. They'drather say nothing than tell the truth and offend or embarrass you. In bed, it takes a while for them to be comfortable enough to tell you exactly what they want.
FAVE POSITIONAs long as they are lying down, they're happy!
BEST SEX TOYK.Y. Jelly. I will say no more!
LIBRA MALE IN BEDThe Libra man sees sex as an exciting adventure and he'd be very keen to do it in kinky places like a restaurant toilet! He likes being a bad boy if there's a chance he might get caught. He'll try out any fantasy you have, but whether or not you can keep a tight hold on his heart remains to be seen. However, he can be a bit of a pushover, and is perfect husband material, and he'd prefer his lover to take the lead. He is romantic and considerate but may suffer from Premature Ejaculation!
LIBRA FEMALE IN BEDThe only thing that separates Libra men and women is what's between their legs! Libra girl wants a strong man who understands that she needs her individuality and freedom. She is turned off by burping, farting, and bad breath. Good personal hygiene is crucial if you want to get to 2nd base. Librans are very good at lying to get their own way. When your Libra girl groans in bed, look into her eyes to make sure she's not 'faking it'.
THE BEST WAY TO TURN ON LIBRALibra's Love Zone is their lower back and butt, so please, squeeze and pat your Libra's butt whenever you get a chance. When you're kissing, reach under his or her top and stroke the lower part of their back, starting in the middle and working your way down to their butt. Take your time and be gentle! To really drive your Libra wild? Have you ever heard of the term 'Rimming'??? Does it surprise you that a high percentage of Libras are gay?
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SCORPIO
October 24 - November 22Ruling Planet: PLUTOThe Roman God of the dead, beginnings and endings. Which basically means that Scorpios add novel differences to any relationship.
Scorpios are very possessive. They will tense up if you even LOOK at another hottie across the room. But they can be relied on to always be there for you if you need them. You may never really know what your Scorpio is thinking though, because to them, Knowledge is power and they are very good at putting on a straight face to cover up any emotion they are feeling. Scorpios love sex. The dirtier, the better. Get them excited by revealing your filthiest fantasy and offering to act it out.
FAVE POSITION:Anything, as long as it involves dominating your ass.
BEST SEX TOY:Ben Wah Balls for the girls, and a Riding Crop for the boys
SCORPIO MALE IN BEDHis sexuality is so strong, it will make you dizzy!! If you are lucky enough to be with a Scorpio boy, you will always be satisfied!! There's a rumour that the Scorpio man is the most skilled in bed. It's as true as a black man has a giant wang!!! Most are pretty good!! The only thing you don't wanna do is piss him off. Every little thing u do that he doesn't like, he will file away in his little mental rolodex. Piss him off one too many times, and he will wreak his revenge!!!
SCORPIO FEMALE IN BEDShe may look like a quiet, shy girl, but in bed she is NOT! She is a wildly passionate woman, who is DYNAMO is the bedroom. Just don't piss her off either, coz she can more vengeful than a Scorpio man, and she has no problem causing a scene! Don't talk about other women, or play hard to get, because she will get u back, and it's a game of one-upmanship you will never win.
THE BEST WAY TO TURN ON SCORPIOSince this is one of the horniest signs, it makes sense that their moan zone is between their legs! Then again, their big head (or their mind) is just as easy to turn on. Talking dirty and teasing your Scorpio will get them ready and randy in a flash!! Without getting too graphic, the magic words for today are RUB, RUB, RUB.
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SAGITTARIUS
November 23 - December 22Ruling Planet: JUPITERGod of money, luck and good times between the sheets. Sagos are playful, laid back and oh-so fun to party with. They arewild, and may be the BADDEST party people you ever meet! One thing to be wary of is that Sagos like to talk BULLSHIT!
Don't believe everything they tell you because they are kings at 'talking it up'. Sagos probably make better friends than lovers, but if you happen to score a one-nighter with them, be prepared to do stuff you've NEVER done before! Sagos are spontaneous and adventurous and most have probably been caught doing it somewhere public.
When they find the right lover, they will give it 100% as long as the commitment is returned.
FAVE POSITION:They are up for anything. Quality AND Quantity.
BEST SEX TOY:Handwrite a sexual fantasy of yours and leave it on their pillow. You'll be surprised at what happens next!
SAGITTARIAN MALE IN BEDEven if he's fat, balding and middle aged, he can still pull the chicks. It's his love and pursuit of happiness that draws the babes to him. Think "Austin Powers" baby, yeah! He is a wee bit selfish though, so be prepared for an "all about me" attitude in the sack. He LOVES doing it, and if you start holding out on him, he's likely to get it somewhere else. He will either amaze his partner with his sexual expertise or be absolute trash in bed!
SAGITTARIAN FEMALE IN BEDThe Sago woman is a handful! She changes her mind more often than she shaves her armpits, is blunt, oversensitive and takes offense at the strangest things. She's adventurous in the bedroom and also has no problems cheating if her needs are not fulfilled. But can u handle her open-minded sexuality? She will hide her emotions from you, but don't make the mistake of hiding yours from her. She's looking for someone she can trust 100%, but is quite hypocritical since she can be very untrustworthy herself.
THE BEST WAY TO TURN ON SAGITTARIUSHips and thighs are extremely sensual for a Sago, so concentrate on massaging and stroking that area and the place in between! Don't be afraid to ask your Sago if you're doing it right coz they would LOVE to tell you! The best way to get them going is to grope their inner thigh in a public place!
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CAPRICORN
December 23 - January 20Ruling Planet: SATURN -The God who oversees time, discipline and dedication, which means Capricorn can go the distance - with major staying power - in bed and beyond!!
Capricorns are very good at hiding their emotions, so it's often hard to tell when they are truly, deeply in love. If you have a load of cash, you can almost bet on admiration from a Capricorn because the goat is turned on by money. Like I said before, Capricorn has great sexual stamina and the ability to go all night if they want to!
FAVE POSITION:Spooning! Goat boys and girls love to take, or be taken from behind.
BEST SEX TOY: An office desk to "bond" on, or an erotic video will loosen up the randy goat.
CAPRICORN MALE IN BEDImagination isn't a strong suit for Capricorn so don't expect acrobatics in the sack. Sex with him could possibly be as boring as watching paint dry and he tends to be a little bit selfish in that area too. BUT you can definitely count on him to be faithful if he has committed to you.
CAPRICORN FEMALE IN BEDShe is strong and confident and likes to run the show! She's a tough nut to crack but once inside her shell, she's as sweet as caramel. Her fave position may be missionary, but she seeks excitement in new locations, so experiment with different venues to keep it interesting.
THE BEST WAY TO TURN ON CAPRICORNCapricorns are the most anal signs of the zodiac, so buttering them up will take a bit of effort. Believe it or not, their erotic area is the knees! Lightly stroke their legs, paying close attention to the knee region. Licking, kissing, and nibbling the area will get them squirming.
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