Wednesday, March 26, 2008
How you undress tell who you are
Amazing.... how you get undressed may reveals your personality!
1) If you throw your clothes all over the place, you are a friendly, life-of-the-party type. You are free with your thoughts and opinions, not caring much about what others think of you. Your parents might think your room looks like a cyclone hit it? but it actually represents your happy, individualistic nature!
2) If you remove each piece of clothing and put it away carefully, you are a serious person who likes her life to be very calm. You are comfortable with routine, and you believe that the best way to deal with life's problems is to prevent them in the first place. You are a perfectionist. By nature you are quite shy. You are bservant and you know more about some people than they think, just because you've watched them. You are dependable and sometimes intense. You think carefully before making decisions. You go about your tasks methodically, with concentration. You know how to pay attention.
3) If you take off the shirt, and ten minutes later get around to the pants, you are an extremely self-confident person. You are naturally bright and intellectual. You are also a deep thinker who loves to ask questions and ponder the meaning of things. You hate being rushed and you do not like to be hassled. Usually you like a lot of free time for yourself.
4) If you get out of your clothes as quickly as possible, you are concerned about others and what they expect from you, but you're worried about your own needs. You are family-oriented, and stay extremely busy. You often feel stressed, but most of those heavy expectations come from your own head! Give yourself a break; you don't have to be perfect.
5) If you take off your rings, earrings, necklace, watch, etcetera before anything else, you are a warm and sensitive person. You are considerate and thoughtful, and you give good advice to your friends. You are a natural born romantic.
6) If you don't have an undressing routine and you never do it the same way twice, you are a very curious and interesting person. You enjoy a broad range of activities. You take risks and enjoy fun and adventure. You are very social.
1) If you throw your clothes all over the place, you are a friendly, life-of-the-party type. You are free with your thoughts and opinions, not caring much about what others think of you. Your parents might think your room looks like a cyclone hit it? but it actually represents your happy, individualistic nature!
2) If you remove each piece of clothing and put it away carefully, you are a serious person who likes her life to be very calm. You are comfortable with routine, and you believe that the best way to deal with life's problems is to prevent them in the first place. You are a perfectionist. By nature you are quite shy. You are bservant and you know more about some people than they think, just because you've watched them. You are dependable and sometimes intense. You think carefully before making decisions. You go about your tasks methodically, with concentration. You know how to pay attention.
3) If you take off the shirt, and ten minutes later get around to the pants, you are an extremely self-confident person. You are naturally bright and intellectual. You are also a deep thinker who loves to ask questions and ponder the meaning of things. You hate being rushed and you do not like to be hassled. Usually you like a lot of free time for yourself.
4) If you get out of your clothes as quickly as possible, you are concerned about others and what they expect from you, but you're worried about your own needs. You are family-oriented, and stay extremely busy. You often feel stressed, but most of those heavy expectations come from your own head! Give yourself a break; you don't have to be perfect.
5) If you take off your rings, earrings, necklace, watch, etcetera before anything else, you are a warm and sensitive person. You are considerate and thoughtful, and you give good advice to your friends. You are a natural born romantic.
6) If you don't have an undressing routine and you never do it the same way twice, you are a very curious and interesting person. You enjoy a broad range of activities. You take risks and enjoy fun and adventure. You are very social.
Saturday, March 22, 2008
Marriage Partnership
Our Best Sex Advice from Marriage Partnership Magazine
For 20 years Marriage Partnership has offered practical insight for bedroom issues.. Here are 20 of the best.
Planning
It's funny—a wife will put great effort and planning into meal preparation, but we think sex should be spontaneous. It's as if you were to go into the kitchen blindfolded and start taking things off the shelf and say, "Okay, we're going to have a spontaneous meal." It doesn't work that way. You have to plan for it, set an attitude for it.
The same is true of sex, but we don't do it. We think that, without energy or planning, we can get into bed when we're the most tired and have wonderfully fulfilled sex. If we want wonderful sex, we have to plan for it—and then communicate to our spouse what we think is wonderful.
—Mary Ann Mayo, Fall 1990
Evaluate priorities
We need to be careful we aren't always putting something else ahead of sex: Nightline, paying the bills, getting our child her third drink of water. It's too easy to think, Oh, well, there's always tomorrow. Sometimes we need to heed the feelings-follow- actions dictum and decide to have sex.
—Elizabeth Cody Newenhuyse, Summer 1991
Men and aging
As a man ages he will require direct penile stiumation to get an erection, rather than responding to visual stimuli or thought stimulus. This may actually enhance lovemaking for the couple, because the man and the woman will become more similar in their arousal responses.
—Cliff and Joyce Penner, Fall 1992
Giving pointers
Expressing positive messages during sex enhances the experience for both spouses. In contrast, criticism and sexual arousal just don't mix. When we're aroused, we are open and vulnerable. So avoid making negative comment about your husband's approach while the two of you are making love.
If there are times when you feel you must take "corrective action" during sex, state your desires positively. For example, instead of saying, "You're pressing too hard," try saying, "A lighter, whispery touch would feel wonderful."
—Cliff and Joyce Penner, Spring 1993
Nonverbal cues
Consider the importance of nonverbal communication during your sexual times together. Once you've taught each other what is most effective and enjoyable for each of you, then you can incorporate that knowledge into your lovemaking by using nonverbal signals. You can lovingly move each other's hands to the place where your body hungers touch. You can move your own body to get the stimulation you desire. You can also decide to use prearranged signals to let each other know when some activity has become negative, or when some other touching would be more positive.
—Cliff and Joyce Penner, Spring 1993
Simultaneous orgasm
The myth that simultaneous orgasm is the epitome of sexual fulfillment is based on a number of false assumptions. First, it assumes that two people get aroused and then respond at the same pace. That is highly unlikely. Second, it assumes that goal-oriented sex is more fulfilling than pleasure-oriented sex. On the contrary, goal-oriented sex can interfere with fulfillment by introducing demand, anxiety, and often a feeling of failure, all of which hinder the body's natural response mechanism.
—Cliff and Joyce Penner, Winter 1994
Don't underestimate kissing!
Keep kissing, passionately, every day. Kissing is the barometer of the state of your sexual relationship.
—Cliff and Joyce Penner, Summer 1997
Not interested?
Sometimes I wonder if women really understand how intense the male sex drive is or how intrinsic a man's sexual fulfillment is to his self-acceptance. Remember men and women are different. If our wives had our testosterone levels, they'd be a lot more interested in sex. Of course they'd also have beards and hair on their chests. It could also cause liver damage—so don't slip testosterone into your wife's coffee.
—Louis McBurney, Spring 1998
Get some rest
Sleep-deprived spouses are not sexy, so before you can revitalize your love life you'll need to get some rest. Take a nap. Go to bed tonight when you get the kids to sleep. We actually have advised parents to have a sleep date. Get away for 24 hours, but spend the first part of it sleeping. Until you overcome some of your sleep deprivation, you won't be alert enough to concentrate on loving each other.
—David and Claudia Arp, Spring 2000
What's Okay?
In marriage a couple may do anything in their sexual play that meets five specific criteria: (1) It's just the two of you. (2) You allow mutual respect and agreement to guide your choices of sexual play. (3) It causes no pain physically, emotionally, or spiritually. (4) You keep the focus on your relationship. When having sexual release becomes an addiction driven to levels of compulsive behavior, replacing the connection to your spouse with various stimuli that are essentially fantasy based, you rob your marriage of the most crucial part of intimacy—the blend of relational and sexual connectedness. (5) It doesn't always take the place of genital union.
—Louis and Melissa McBurney, Spring 2001
How often is normal?
It's as if there's some grand scale of "normalcy" that everyone wants to fit in. Just because you don't have the same libido as your wife's friends' husbands doesn't indicate an "abnormality." This isn't a competition. There's no normal frequency of intercourse. It's whatever is right for you as a couple.
—Louis and Melissa McBurney, Spring 2004
Crockpots vs. microwaves
Men can become aroused in 2 to 3 minutes (and sometimes 30 seconds!)—but women take 10 times a long. That's 20 to 30 minutes to become as aroused as her man. Marriage won't turn a Crock-Pot into a microwave! Remember "Love is patient."
—Shay and Robert Roop, Spring 2005
Not now
A woman may say, "I don't want to have sex," but her husband hears, "I don't want to have sex with you." Saying, "Not now" instead of, "No" lets a husband grasp it will happen, just not at that moment. But be sure to make time for intimacy within the next 24-48 hours or hubby will start to believe that "not now" is the same as "no."
—Shay and Robert Roop, Spring 2005
Sexual zones
Become a student of your spouse's sexual zones. A woman has more erogenous zones that just her breasts and vagina. Explore with her, and discover where she's most responsive. Kiss, stroke, or caress each body part. Ask, "How does this feel? Does it make you tingle? What would make you feel even more tingly—if I caressed less or more?" Remember that although it's good to work toward climax, the journey is pretty unbelievable too.
—Gary and Barbara Rosberg, Winter 2006
Different kinds of sex
So often couples feel the pressure to have "perfect" sex—complete with earthquake, fireworks, and multiple orgasms. Not every time you have sex will be a "bell ringer." And that's okay, because you're both connecting. Sometimes sex will be a quickie to meet the need of the moment. Sometimes it will be functional sex, or just because sex, when you think, I'm not in the mood, but my spouse needs me right now. Sometimes it may be comfort sex, when life has brought devastation and the only comfort and security is to be found in the arms of your spouse as a lover. You'll be ahead when you understand that the different kinds of sex point to the ultimate reason for sex: the relationship. The goal is not whether you end with a climax. The goal is that you're connecting as a couple.
—Gary and Barbara Rosberg, Winter 2006
Say "Why not?"
What if you started to say, "Why not" to your spouse? Let's say your husband calls you and announces, "I'll meet you at home; we'll enjoy some lunch—and each other." Instead of lamenting the lost opportunity to run an errand, respond, "Why not?" Or when your wife e-mails you and announces, "The kids are going to be at sports practice for two hours. If you come home early, I'll make it worth your while," don't think of that backlog of paperwork on your desk. Respond, "Why not?"
—Gary and Barbara Rosberg, Winter 2006
Sexual problems
Every couple except maybe one or two in the entire universe will have sexual problems at some point in their marriage. Anyone who tells you otherwise is misleading you. Every man is going to suffer from three major issues at some point: impotence, premature ejaculation, and delayed ejaculation. The good news is there are ways to work through those, so don't spend so much time fretting over them.
—Debra Taylor and Doug Rosenau, Spring 2007
The big O
The big O is not orgasm. The big O is oneness. It's not how great the bodies, how great the orgasm. It's, Was that a loving experience where we shared with each other? Was it contributing to our oneness?
—Christopher McCluskey, Spring 2007
Initiating sex isn't the only way to express sexual desire
Most of us typically think of sexual desire as a hunger for sex—often with sexual thoughts or fantasies—that prompts us to initiate sex.
It turns out, however, that most women experience a receptive type of sexual desire. For many women desire is "triggered" by thoughts and emotions arising during sexual excitement, not before. So when a husband becomes frustrated because he wants his wife to pursue him sexually and he believes that she has no interest in sex because she doesn't do that, he's actually not giving her enough credit! Most women will respond positively to sexual advances—they just don't initiate them because that's not the way they were designed. By recognizing that most men are proactive with sex and most women are reactive, and then by accepting and respecting those differences, we can allow a woman's type of sexual desire to "count."
—Debra Taylor and Michael Sytsma, Summer 2007
Good in bed?
We have to fight against taking our sexual responsibilities for granted. On the day we marry, we gain a monopoly. Our spouse commits to have sexual relations with no one else. Regardless of whether we act thoughtfully, creatively, or selfishly in bed, they receive only what we provide.. Without any competitions, some of us, quite frankly, simply stop making an effort. Do I want to reward my wife's commitment to me, or do I want to make her regret it? Do I want to bless her, or take her for granted? Do I want to be a generous, enthusiastic lover, or a miser reluctantly doling out occasional "favors"? When the Bible tells us in Hebrews 13:4 to keep the marriage bed "pure," the application goes far beyond avoiding physical acts of immorality to include inner virtue.
—Gary Thomas, Winter 2007
For 20 years Marriage Partnership has offered practical insight for bedroom issues.. Here are 20 of the best.
Planning
It's funny—a wife will put great effort and planning into meal preparation, but we think sex should be spontaneous. It's as if you were to go into the kitchen blindfolded and start taking things off the shelf and say, "Okay, we're going to have a spontaneous meal." It doesn't work that way. You have to plan for it, set an attitude for it.
The same is true of sex, but we don't do it. We think that, without energy or planning, we can get into bed when we're the most tired and have wonderfully fulfilled sex. If we want wonderful sex, we have to plan for it—and then communicate to our spouse what we think is wonderful.
—Mary Ann Mayo, Fall 1990
Evaluate priorities
We need to be careful we aren't always putting something else ahead of sex: Nightline, paying the bills, getting our child her third drink of water. It's too easy to think, Oh, well, there's always tomorrow. Sometimes we need to heed the feelings-follow- actions dictum and decide to have sex.
—Elizabeth Cody Newenhuyse, Summer 1991
Men and aging
As a man ages he will require direct penile stiumation to get an erection, rather than responding to visual stimuli or thought stimulus. This may actually enhance lovemaking for the couple, because the man and the woman will become more similar in their arousal responses.
—Cliff and Joyce Penner, Fall 1992
Giving pointers
Expressing positive messages during sex enhances the experience for both spouses. In contrast, criticism and sexual arousal just don't mix. When we're aroused, we are open and vulnerable. So avoid making negative comment about your husband's approach while the two of you are making love.
If there are times when you feel you must take "corrective action" during sex, state your desires positively. For example, instead of saying, "You're pressing too hard," try saying, "A lighter, whispery touch would feel wonderful."
—Cliff and Joyce Penner, Spring 1993
Nonverbal cues
Consider the importance of nonverbal communication during your sexual times together. Once you've taught each other what is most effective and enjoyable for each of you, then you can incorporate that knowledge into your lovemaking by using nonverbal signals. You can lovingly move each other's hands to the place where your body hungers touch. You can move your own body to get the stimulation you desire. You can also decide to use prearranged signals to let each other know when some activity has become negative, or when some other touching would be more positive.
—Cliff and Joyce Penner, Spring 1993
Simultaneous orgasm
The myth that simultaneous orgasm is the epitome of sexual fulfillment is based on a number of false assumptions. First, it assumes that two people get aroused and then respond at the same pace. That is highly unlikely. Second, it assumes that goal-oriented sex is more fulfilling than pleasure-oriented sex. On the contrary, goal-oriented sex can interfere with fulfillment by introducing demand, anxiety, and often a feeling of failure, all of which hinder the body's natural response mechanism.
—Cliff and Joyce Penner, Winter 1994
Don't underestimate kissing!
Keep kissing, passionately, every day. Kissing is the barometer of the state of your sexual relationship.
—Cliff and Joyce Penner, Summer 1997
Not interested?
Sometimes I wonder if women really understand how intense the male sex drive is or how intrinsic a man's sexual fulfillment is to his self-acceptance. Remember men and women are different. If our wives had our testosterone levels, they'd be a lot more interested in sex. Of course they'd also have beards and hair on their chests. It could also cause liver damage—so don't slip testosterone into your wife's coffee.
—Louis McBurney, Spring 1998
Get some rest
Sleep-deprived spouses are not sexy, so before you can revitalize your love life you'll need to get some rest. Take a nap. Go to bed tonight when you get the kids to sleep. We actually have advised parents to have a sleep date. Get away for 24 hours, but spend the first part of it sleeping. Until you overcome some of your sleep deprivation, you won't be alert enough to concentrate on loving each other.
—David and Claudia Arp, Spring 2000
What's Okay?
In marriage a couple may do anything in their sexual play that meets five specific criteria: (1) It's just the two of you. (2) You allow mutual respect and agreement to guide your choices of sexual play. (3) It causes no pain physically, emotionally, or spiritually. (4) You keep the focus on your relationship. When having sexual release becomes an addiction driven to levels of compulsive behavior, replacing the connection to your spouse with various stimuli that are essentially fantasy based, you rob your marriage of the most crucial part of intimacy—the blend of relational and sexual connectedness. (5) It doesn't always take the place of genital union.
—Louis and Melissa McBurney, Spring 2001
How often is normal?
It's as if there's some grand scale of "normalcy" that everyone wants to fit in. Just because you don't have the same libido as your wife's friends' husbands doesn't indicate an "abnormality." This isn't a competition. There's no normal frequency of intercourse. It's whatever is right for you as a couple.
—Louis and Melissa McBurney, Spring 2004
Crockpots vs. microwaves
Men can become aroused in 2 to 3 minutes (and sometimes 30 seconds!)—but women take 10 times a long. That's 20 to 30 minutes to become as aroused as her man. Marriage won't turn a Crock-Pot into a microwave! Remember "Love is patient."
—Shay and Robert Roop, Spring 2005
Not now
A woman may say, "I don't want to have sex," but her husband hears, "I don't want to have sex with you." Saying, "Not now" instead of, "No" lets a husband grasp it will happen, just not at that moment. But be sure to make time for intimacy within the next 24-48 hours or hubby will start to believe that "not now" is the same as "no."
—Shay and Robert Roop, Spring 2005
Sexual zones
Become a student of your spouse's sexual zones. A woman has more erogenous zones that just her breasts and vagina. Explore with her, and discover where she's most responsive. Kiss, stroke, or caress each body part. Ask, "How does this feel? Does it make you tingle? What would make you feel even more tingly—if I caressed less or more?" Remember that although it's good to work toward climax, the journey is pretty unbelievable too.
—Gary and Barbara Rosberg, Winter 2006
Different kinds of sex
So often couples feel the pressure to have "perfect" sex—complete with earthquake, fireworks, and multiple orgasms. Not every time you have sex will be a "bell ringer." And that's okay, because you're both connecting. Sometimes sex will be a quickie to meet the need of the moment. Sometimes it will be functional sex, or just because sex, when you think, I'm not in the mood, but my spouse needs me right now. Sometimes it may be comfort sex, when life has brought devastation and the only comfort and security is to be found in the arms of your spouse as a lover. You'll be ahead when you understand that the different kinds of sex point to the ultimate reason for sex: the relationship. The goal is not whether you end with a climax. The goal is that you're connecting as a couple.
—Gary and Barbara Rosberg, Winter 2006
Say "Why not?"
What if you started to say, "Why not" to your spouse? Let's say your husband calls you and announces, "I'll meet you at home; we'll enjoy some lunch—and each other." Instead of lamenting the lost opportunity to run an errand, respond, "Why not?" Or when your wife e-mails you and announces, "The kids are going to be at sports practice for two hours. If you come home early, I'll make it worth your while," don't think of that backlog of paperwork on your desk. Respond, "Why not?"
—Gary and Barbara Rosberg, Winter 2006
Sexual problems
Every couple except maybe one or two in the entire universe will have sexual problems at some point in their marriage. Anyone who tells you otherwise is misleading you. Every man is going to suffer from three major issues at some point: impotence, premature ejaculation, and delayed ejaculation. The good news is there are ways to work through those, so don't spend so much time fretting over them.
—Debra Taylor and Doug Rosenau, Spring 2007
The big O
The big O is not orgasm. The big O is oneness. It's not how great the bodies, how great the orgasm. It's, Was that a loving experience where we shared with each other? Was it contributing to our oneness?
—Christopher McCluskey, Spring 2007
Initiating sex isn't the only way to express sexual desire
Most of us typically think of sexual desire as a hunger for sex—often with sexual thoughts or fantasies—that prompts us to initiate sex.
It turns out, however, that most women experience a receptive type of sexual desire. For many women desire is "triggered" by thoughts and emotions arising during sexual excitement, not before. So when a husband becomes frustrated because he wants his wife to pursue him sexually and he believes that she has no interest in sex because she doesn't do that, he's actually not giving her enough credit! Most women will respond positively to sexual advances—they just don't initiate them because that's not the way they were designed. By recognizing that most men are proactive with sex and most women are reactive, and then by accepting and respecting those differences, we can allow a woman's type of sexual desire to "count."
—Debra Taylor and Michael Sytsma, Summer 2007
Good in bed?
We have to fight against taking our sexual responsibilities for granted. On the day we marry, we gain a monopoly. Our spouse commits to have sexual relations with no one else. Regardless of whether we act thoughtfully, creatively, or selfishly in bed, they receive only what we provide.. Without any competitions, some of us, quite frankly, simply stop making an effort. Do I want to reward my wife's commitment to me, or do I want to make her regret it? Do I want to bless her, or take her for granted? Do I want to be a generous, enthusiastic lover, or a miser reluctantly doling out occasional "favors"? When the Bible tells us in Hebrews 13:4 to keep the marriage bed "pure," the application goes far beyond avoiding physical acts of immorality to include inner virtue.
—Gary Thomas, Winter 2007
Tuesday, March 18, 2008
The Art of Kissing
The Art Of Kissing: The dictionary says that a kiss is “a salute made by touching with the lips pressed closely together and suddenly parting them.” From this it is quite obvious that, although a dictionary may know something about words, it knows nothing. about kissing.
If we are to get the real meaning of the word kiss, instead of going to the old fogies who compile dictionaries, we should go to the poets who still have the hot blood of youth coursing in their veins. For, instance, Coleridge called a kiss, “nectar breathing.” Shakespeare says that a kiss is a “seal of love. Martial, that old Roman poet who hid ample opportunity to do research work on the subject, says that a kiss was “the fragrance of balsam extracted from aromatic trees; the rise odor yielded by the teeming saffron; the perfume of fruits mellowing in their winter buds; the flowery meadows in the summer; amber warmed by the hand of a girl; a bouquet of flowers that attracts the bees.”
Yes, a kiss is all of these… and more.
Others have said that a kiss was: the balm of love; the first and last of joys; love’s language; the seal of bliss; love’s tribute; the melting sip; the nectar of Venus; the language of love.
Yes, a kiss is all of these… and more.
For a kiss can never be absolutely defined. Because each kiss is different from the one before and the one after. just as no two people are alike, so are no two kisses alike. For it is people who make kisses. Real, live people pulsating with life and love and extreme happiness.
Diffferent Kinds of Kisses: Of course, there are different kinds of kisses. For instance, there is the kiss that the devout person implants on the ring of the Pope. There is the maternal kiss of a mother on her child. There is the friendly kiss of two people who are meeting or are separating.
There is the kiss that a king exacts from his conquered subjects. But although all of these are called kisses, they are not the kisses* that we are going to concern ourselves with in this book. Our kisses are going to be the only kind of kisses worth considering . the kisses of love. The kiss perhaps, that Robert Bums had in mind when he wrote:
Quote:
Honeyed seal of soft affections,
Tenderest pledge of future bliss,
Dearest tie of young connections,
Love’s first snowdrop, virgin kiss.
The amazing thing about the kiss is that although mankind has been kissing ever since Adam first turned over on his side and saw Eve lying next to him, there has been practically nothing written on the subject. Every year, hundreds of books are published telling you how to reduce, how to gain, how to get a job, how to cook, how to write and even how to live. But, on the art of kissing, very little has been written. One reason for this lack of proper instruction is accounted for by the Victorian. sense of morals which has persisted through the ages.
To the blue nosed Puritans of the past anything that concerned love was dirty, pornographical. John Bunyan’s writings show what these, Puritans thought of’ the kiss. He wrote in big infamous “The Pilgrim’s Progress,” “the common salutations of women I abhor. It is odious to me in whomsoever I see it. When I have seen good men salute those women that they have visted, or that have visited them, I have made my objections against it; and when they have answered that it was but a piece of civility, I have told them that it was not a comely sight. Some, indeed, have urged the holy kiss; but then, I have asked them why they make their balks; why they did salute the most handsome and let the ill-favored ones go.” Perhaps old Bunyan thought that way because be was one of the “ill-favored” who went unkissed and were let “go.”
But, nowadays, people have taken a broader outlook on life. Our plays are becoming more civilized and less stiff. Our arts are no more censored by laws. Our books are being written about subjects that no self-respecting author would ever have dared to put into a book. Birth-control, divorce and the science of marriage are common subjects for books. Even the strange vices of mankind are brought out into the open and discussed and not allowed to fester in the dark chambers of censorship. Yes, books like Van de Velde’s “Ideal Marriage” and Stope’s “Married Love” Ire openly sold in bookstores. But, nowhere, do we find a book which instructs people in the art of kissing, an art which is an absolute essential to a happy life, as we shall discuss in the oncoming pages of this book. Is it because we are not absolutely freed from the shackles of prudishness? In certain parts of this country, men have been arrested for kissing their wives on the street! Is this civilization?
So it is, that this book is being written. It is going to be a manual of the kiss. In it we are going to discuss the most approved methods of kissing, the ad’ vantages. of certain kinds and, with the disadvantages of others, the mental and physical reactions of kissers, historical episodes of kissing together with examples from the literature of the world in which kisses were the subject. So, gird up your loins, pucker up your lips and let’s to the kissing arena!
Why People Kiss
What happens when a man and a woman kiss?
That is to say, what happens, to the various parts of the body when two people in love join their lips in bliss? Years ago, before our biologists knew of the existence of the glands in our bodies, one writer quoted a scientist as saying that “kissing is pleasant because the teeth, jawbones and lips are full of nerves, and when the lips meet an electric current is generated.”
What nonsense! what utter nonsense!
In the first place, two people kiss because they are satisfying, a hunger within them, a hunger that is as natural as the hunger for food, water and knowledge. It is the hunger of sex that drives them to each other. After that, hunger has been satiated, then comes the hunger for a home, for children and for marital happiness. This hunger is instinctive, that is, we are born with it, all of us, and we cannot learn it or acquire it in any way.
Why Kissing Is Pleasant
Once this hunger for the opposite sex evidences itself, there occurs in the human body what is known as tumescence which, in simple language, is the rhythmical contraction of the various muscles of the body together with the functioning of certain glands, just which glands science has been unable to say definitely. Gland specialists know, by performing certain operations, that the adrenal, the pituitary, the gonad and certain other glands, control the sexual behavior of human beings. It is these glands that react, that secrete what are known as hormones into the blood which, in turn, carries them into the various organs effected by a sexual reaction.
Therefore, it can be seen that it is the partial satisfying of the sex hunger that makes kissing pleasurable.’ Electricity is used for turning motors and lighting lamps and heating curling irons. But electricity 4oes not give complete satisfaction to the kiss.
But enough of dry science!
We have ahead of us pleasurable reading of the bliss of the kiss. Now that we have learned why it is that men and women kiss, let us go into the methods used in. kissing so as to derive the most satisfaction from this most soul appeasing of pleasures.
Approvied Methods Of Kissing
The only kiss that counts is the one exchanged by two people who are in love with each other. That is the first essential of the satisfying kiss. For a kiss is really the union of two soul mates who have come together because they were made for each other. The. reason for this is that the kiss is really the introduction to love, true love. The kiss prepares the participants for the love life of the future. It is the foundation, the starting point of sexual love. And it is for that reason that the manner in which the kiss is performed is so vitally important.
There are still young women extant who believe that babies are the result of kisses Actually! this is a fact! And this condition exists because our parents, in the main, are either ignorant of the methods of explaining sex to their children or are too embarrassed to enlighten them. The result is that their children obtain their sexual information from the streets and alleys or else remain ignorant of it and believe such things as was mentioned above.
Kisses Are But Preludes To Love
Man and woman are born to love, marry and beget children. Woman is so physically constituted that she is the one who bears the child. Man, on the other hand, is given the duty of being the protector of his wife and, after they are born, of his children. Therefore, he must always be the one who takes the initiative. He must be strong, he must be willing, he must be physically able to take care of his charges, He must be the aggressor.
It is, therefore, necessary that the man be taller than the woman. The psychological reason for this is that he must always give the impression of being his woman’s superior, both mentally and especially physically. The physical reason, with which we are more concerned, is that if he is taller that his woman, he is better able to kiss her. He must be able to sweep her into his strong arms, and tower 6ver her, and look down into her eyes, and cup her chin in his fingers and 1 hen, bend over her face and plant his eager, virile lips on her moist, slightly parted, inviting ones. All of this he must do with the vigor of an assertive male. And, all of these are impossible where. the woman is the taller of the two. For when the situation is reversed, the kiss becomes only a ludicrous banality. The physical mastery is gone, the male prerogative is gone, everything is gone but the fact that two lips are touching two other lips. Nothing can be more disappointing.
Preparing For The Kiss
A paragraph back, we mentioned that the woman’s lips were slightly parted when she awaited the lips of her lover. There was a reason for using this description. Always, in any sort of kiss, just before the male’s lips settle onto the lips of his partner, the female’s lips should be slightly parted. One reason for this is that cherry red lips serve as a charming frame for a row of gleaming, white, even teeth. The picture that confronts the kisser is one that draws him onward. And even, months later, when he thinks back to the kiss in the retrospect, he will remember that pretty little picture of the pearls of teeth nestling in their frame of cherries.
The deliciousness of a long remembered kiss was beautifully expressed in a poem ‘called, “Three Kisses,” in which occurred the verse:
Quote:
I gently raised her sweet, pure face,
Her eyes with radiant, love sight filled.
That trembling kiss I’ll ne’er forget
Which both our hearts with rapture filled.
Another reason for parting the lips is that there is a definite gratification the male obtains from the delicious odor that emanates from his loved one’s mouth. John Secundus, in describing a kiss,. said that & lover’s kiss was like:
Quote:
“… every aromatic breeze That wafts from Africa’s spicy trees;”
The odor of a woman’s hair can send shivers of joy coursing up and down a man’s spine. The odor of her body can convulse him with throes of passion. Odors are as necessary to love as is love, itself. That is why it is so essential that the lips be parted just before the kiss. And that is why the breath should be kept always sweet and pure so that, when the lips art opened, the breath will be like an “aromatic breeze.” Sometimes it is advisable to touch the corners of the mouth with perfume. But be certain that there is only the faintest suggestion of an odor and no more. Another thing, lipstick is definitely out in the kiss, because it comes off so readily. A very light coat of lipstick should be worn so that, when it does come off, it will not serve to betray you. Similarly, the teeth should be kept cleaned and polished. Nothing can dampen a young man’s ardor, or a young woman’s for that matter, than a row of brown stained, unkempt teeth.
How To Approach A Girl
In kissing a girl whose experience with osculation is limited, it is a good thing to work up to the kissing of the lips. Only an arrant fool seizes hold of such a girl, when they are comfortably seated on the sofa, and suddenly shoves his face into her’s and smacks her lips’ Naturally, the first thing he should do is to arrange it so that the girl is seated against the arm of the sofa while he is seated at her side. In this way, she cannot edge away from him when he becomes serious in his attentions. This done, on some pretext or another, such as a gallant attempt to adjust the cushions behind her, he manages to insinuate his arm, first around the back of the sofa and then, gradually, around her shoulders. If she flinches, don’t worry. If she flinches and makes an outcry, don’t worry. If she flinches, makes an outcry and tries to get up from the sofa, don’t worry. Hold her gently but firmly, and allay her fears with kind, reassuring words. Remember what Shakespeare said about “a woman’s no! However., if she flinches and makes an outcry, a loud, stentorian outcry, mind you, and starts to scratch your face, then start to worry or start to get yourself out of a bad situation. Such girls are not to be trifled with … or kissed. It is such as they, in most cases, who still believe the story 6f the stork which brings babies because of the consequences of a kiss.
But if your arm is comfortably reposed across the girl’s shoulders and “all’s right with the world” then your next step is to flatter her in some way. All women like to be flattered. They like to be told they are beautiful even when the mirror throws the lie back into their ugly faces.
Flatter her!
Catullus once wrote:
Quote:
Kiss me softly and speak to me low;
Trust me darling, the time is near,
When we may live with never a fear
Kiss me dear!
Kiss me softly, and speak to me law
Quote:
“Take a Deep Sniff of the Perfume In Her Hair and comment On It”
Tell her she is beautiful!
Then, take a deep sniff of the perfume in her hair and comment on it. Tell her that the odor is like “heady wine.” Tell her that her hair smells like a garden of roses. Tell her anything, but be sure to tell her something complimentary. This done, it is only a natural thing for you to do to, desire to sink your nose deeper into her hair so that you can get the full benefit of its bouquet.
The Techniqus Of Kissing
Now is your chance I The moment you feel the tip of your nose touch her scalp, purse your lips and kiss her, the while you inhale a deep breath of air that is redolent with the exquisite odor of her hair. it is then but a few inches to her ear. Touch the rim of her ear with your lips in a sort of brushing motion. Breathe gently into the delicate shell. Some women react passionately to this subtle act. Brush past her here in this way again and note her reaction. If she draws her head away, return to her hair and sniff luxuriously of it. Then: settle back to her ear, the while you murmur “sweet, airy nothings” into it. From the ear to her neck is but another few inches.. Let your lips traverse this distance quickly and then dart into the nape and, with your lips well pursed, nip the skin there, using the same gentleness as would a cat lifting her precious kittens.
Then, with a series of little nips, bring your lips around from the nape of her neck to the curving, swerve of her jaw, close to the ear. Gently kiss the lobe of her ear. But be sure, to return to the tender softness of her jaw. From then on, the way should be clear to you. Nuzzle your lips along the soft, downy expanse until you reach the comer of her lips. You will know when this happens because, suddenly, you will feel a strange stiffening of ‘her shoulders under your arm. The reason for this is that the lips constitute one of the main erogenous zones of the body. The nerve ends in it are so sensitive that the slightest contact with them sends a pleasurable thrill immediately through the nervous system, through the medulla portion of the brain, back through the nervous system again, through branches which connect up with motor nerves, in this case the nerves that control the sphyncter muscles of the mouth and lips, and the sexual glands which were mentioned before.
In plain English, the kissee knows she is to be kissed.
Alright. You have subtly kissed the corner of her mouth. Don’t hesitate. Push on further to more pleasurable spots. Ahead of you lies that which had been promised in your dreams, the tender, luscious lips of the girl you love. But don’t sit idly by and watch them quivering.
Act!
Lift your lips away slightly, center them so that when you make contact there will be a perfect union. Notice, only momentarily, the picture of her teeth in her lips. And, then, like a sea gull swooping gracefully down through the air, bring your lips down firmly onto the lips of the girl who is quivering in; your arms.
Kiss her!
Kiss her as though, at that moment, nothing else exists in the world. Kiss her as though your entire life is wrapped up into the period of the kiss. Kiss her as though there is nothing else that you would rather be doing. Kiss her!
At this point, it is necessary for us to discuss a few subjects which are germane to the art of kissing, particularly in so fir as they apply to what has just been described. For instance, there has been raised quite a full in regard to whether one should close one’s eyes while kissing or while being kissed. Personally, I disagree with those who advise closed eyes. To me, there is an additional thrill in seeing, before my eyes, the drama of bliss and pleasure as it is played on the face of my beloved. I can see tiny wrinkles form at the comers of her eyes, wrinkles of joy. I can see fleeting spasms of happiness flit across her eyes. I can see these things and, in seeing them, my pleasurable reactions to the kiss are considerably heightened. In keeping my eyes open, I am giving pleasure not to one sense alone, the sense of touch, but to two senses, the senses of touch and of sight. These two, coupled with the sense of smell which is actuated by the perfume of her breath, all combine to make the kiss an exquisite, ineffable epitome of unalloyed bliss.
How To Kiss Girls With Different Sizes Of Mouths
Another question which must be settled at this time concerns the size of the kissee’s mouth. A consideration of this factor is important. Where the girl’s mouth is of the tiny, rosebud type, then one need not worry about what to do. Merely follow the directions as they were outlined above. However, there are many girls whose lips are broad and generous’, whose lips are on the order of Joan Crawford’s, for instance.. The technique in kissing such lips is different.
Different Sizes of Mouths Require a Different Technique in Kissing
For, were one to allow his lips to remain centered, there would be wide expanses of lips, untouched and, therefore, wasted. In such cases,. instead of remaining adhered to the center of the lips, the young man should lift up his lips a trifle and begin to travel around the girl’s lips, stopping a number of times to drop a firm kiss in passing. When you have made a complete round of the lips, return immediately to the center bud and feast there. Feast there as did that lover of Fatimas, in Tennysen’s poem, in which it was written that: “Once he drew, with one long kiss, my whole soul through my lips as sunlight drinketh dew.”
Then, sip of the honey.
Like the bee that settles on the fragrant pistils of a flower, and sips in the nectar for honey, so should you sip in the nectar from between the lips of your love. And it is nectar. For there is in this mingling a symbol of the holy communion o f the spirits of two soul mates, joined together in the bonds of an indissoluble love. It was a kiss such as this which caused the writer of an old German novel to write:
Quote:
“Sophia returned my kiss and the earth went from under my feet; my soul was no longer in my body; I touched the stars; I knew the happiness of angels!”
Enjoy The Thrills Of Kissing
But don’t be in a hurry I As in all matters pertaining to love, don’t hurry the process of kissing. A kiss is too rapturous a thing to be enjoyed for the moment and the moment only. Linger longer on her lips than you have ever lingered before. Forget time. Forget everything but the kiss in which you are in the midst of. Don’t be like that bashful young lover who, after a sweet, long kiss, drew his lips away from the lips of his charmer. Immediately, She burst out into tears.
“What’s the matter?” he asked solicitously.
“You don’t love me I” she said between sobs.
“But I do!”
“Then why did you draw your lips away?”
“I couldn’t breathe,” he said naively.
Breathe? Who wants to breathe, who even wants to think of breathing in the middle of an impassioned kiss? Breathe through your nose if you have to breathe. But kiss, keep on kissing, as long as there! Is one minim of breath in you. Kiss, as Byron said we should kiss, with the “long, long kiss of youth and love.”
Recently, in Chicago, there was held a marathon kissing contest to determine Which couple could hold their kiss the longest without being forced to separate. One pair was able to hold their kiss for fifteen hours. Think of that! Fifteen hours. And yet the naive lad stopped kissing because be couldn’t breathe.
Elizabeth Barrett Browning must have spent many an ecstatic night of kissing with the poet, Robert Browning, if we are to judge from an excerpt from her “Aurora Leigh,” in which she described a kiss as being “As long and silent as the ecstatic night.”
Another poet, unknown, but certainly one who knew whereof he speaks, wrote the following poem which deserves to be quoted in its entirety.
Quote:
Oh, that a joy so soon should waste,
Or so sweet a bliss as a kiss
Might not forever last!
So sugared, so melting, so delicious.
The dew that lies on roses,
When the morn herself discloses,
Is not so precious.
Oh, rather than I would it smother
Were I to taste such another.
It. should be my wishing
That I might die kissing.
At this point, it should be explained that the lips are not the only part of the mouth which should be joined in kissing. Every lover is a glutton. He wants everything that is part of his sweetheart, everything. He doesn’t want to miss a single iota of her “million-pleasured joys” as Keats once wrote of them. That is why, when kissing, there should be as many contacts, bodily contacts, as is possible.
Snuggle up closely together. Feel the warm touch of each other’s bodies. Be so close that the rise and fall of each other’s bosoms is felt by one another.
Get next to each other.
Quote:
“Snuggle Up Closely Together”
And, this same thing applies to the mouth in kissing. Don’t be afraid to kiss with more than your lips. After your lips have been glued together for some time, open them slightly. Then put the tip of your tongue out so that you can feel the smooth surface of your kissee’s teeth. This will be a signal for her to respond in kind. If she is wholly in accord with you, if she is, truly, your real love mate, then you will notice that she, too, has opened her lips slightly and that., soon, her teeth will be parted. Then, if she is all that she should be, she should project the tip of her tongue so that it meets with the tip of yours. Heaven will be in that union!
Lava will run through your veins instead of blood. Your breath will come in short gasps. There will rise up in you an Overpowering, overwhelming surge of emotion such as you have never before experienced. If you are a man, you will clutch the shoulders of your loved one and sense a shudder course through you that makes you pant. If you are a woman, and being kissed, you will feel a strange languor passing through your limbs, you are entire body. A shudder will go through you. You will moan in the delicious transports of love. And, in all probabilities, you will go faint because the blood in your veins will be rushing furiously into your entire system and away from your head. Thus, you will be unable to think any longer. You will only be able to feel, td feel the most exquisite of pleasures that it has been your lot to feel.
The French “Soul” Kiss
But don’t stop at this.
Surely, there is more to your tongue than merely its tip. Probe further. Go deeper. Gently caress ,each other’s tongues. For, in doing this, you are merging your souls. That is why this kiss was called the “soul” kiss by the French who were said to be the first people to have perfected it.. The French have always been a liberal minded people. And, it is because of the fact that they dropped Puritanism many years ago, that they were able to. perfect themselves in the art of love and, particularly, in the art of kissing.
Learn from the French.
Learn also from the Old Romans , especially Catullus, whose love poems to Lesbia have lived through the ages because of the sincerity of his passion and the genius of his ability to express his emotions in the form of beautiful poetry. For it was Catullus who wrote:
Quote:
“Then to those kisses add a hundred more,
A thousand to that hundred so, kiss on!
To make that thousand up to a million;
Treble this million, and when that is done,
Let’s kiss afresh, as when we first begun.”
Kisses cost nothing. So kiss on. There is one thing that you cannot. take away from people and that is the ability to make love to each other. Despite the fact that the world suffered from a long depression, people continued to get married and they continued to have children. In fact, according to recently released figures, there were, more children born during the depression than there had been in good times. This means that, although married people did not have money, they still had themselves. They still had love. They still had the ability to kiss as they pleased and when they pleased and as often as they pleased.
Another poet asks:
Quote:
What is a kiss? alack, at worst,
A single drop to quench a thirst,
Tho oft it proves in happier hour,
The first sweet drop of one long shower.
Because kisses cost nothing.
So kiss on. Keep on kissing. Rare old Ben Jonson realized this when he wrote that, if he had one wish, it would be that he could die kissing. But it is not only the robust and lusty poets, like Ben Jonson, who are gluttons for kisses. There has been attributed to John Ruskin, an old fogy of a philosopher if ever there was one, a request from him to a young lady friend of his that she “kiss him not sometimes but continually.” Still another poet wrote:
Quote:
Kisses told by hundreds o’er;
Thousands told by thousands more.
Millions, countless millions then
Told by millions o’er again;
Countless as the drops that glide
In the ocean’s billowy tide,
Countless as yon orbs of light
Spangled o’er the vault of night
I’ll with ceaseless love bestow
On those cheeks of crimson glow,
On those lips so gently swelling,
On those eyes such fond tales telling.
Put Variety Into Your Kisses
It is with the last few lines of this poem that our next subject for discussion concerns itself. As was mentioned before, the true lover is not satisfied with only one or two contacts. He wants n6thing to be held from him. It is for that reason that, when kissing a girl, after. you have given sufficient time to the kissing of her lips, you should vary your kissing by diverting your zeal to other portions of her face. Robert Herrick, who wrote, many beautiful love lyrics in his day, has a poem which ideally synthesizes this idea of varied kisses. In it he says:
Quote:
It isn’t creature born and bred
Between the lips all cherry red;
It is an active flame that flies
First to the babies of the eyes;
Then to the cheek, the chin and ear;
It frisks and flies now here, now there
Tis now far off, and then ’tis near;
Here and there and everywhere.
Let us say that you have revelled in a sweet, long kiss. Suddenly, you see your loved one’s eyes close as though in a moment of weariness. Gently detach your lips from her’s and raise them up to her closed eyelids. Drop a kisslet first on one eyelid and then on the other. Feel the rolling orb quiver under your lips. Then , when you have done this, run your lips down along the line of her nose, stopping at odd times to purse them into a tiny kiss. When you reach the wrinkle of her nostrils, bury your lips deeply into the curve and kiss little niblets into first one and then the other. If her eyes still are closed, repeat the process.
But return to the lips.
Never forget this important injunction, “Return to the lips,” for they can never become satiated with love’s ardent kisses. The little kisses that you have deposited on her eyes and her nose serve only to vary the Menu of love. They are but spice to the course of love’s banquet which should always be the “lip kiss.”
The Vacuum Kiss
This time, when your eager lips have been deposited on the eager lips of the girl, try to vary the kiss. For instance’ instead of using the soul kiss, try what is known as the “vac uum kiss.” Here you start off by first opening your mouth a. trifle just after you have been resting peacefully with closed lips. Indicate to your partner, by brushing her teeth with the tip of your tongue, that you wish for her to do likewise. The moment she responds, instead of caressing her mouth, suck inward as though you were trying to draw out the innards of an orange.
If she knows of this kiss variations your maid will act in the same way and withdraw the air from your mouth. In this fashion, in a very short while, the, air will have been entirely drawn out of your mouths. Your lips will adhere so tightly that there will almost be pain, instead of pleasure. But it will be the sort of pain that is highly pleasurable. That may sound odd but, nevertheless, it is a fact. Pain becomes so excruciating as to become pleasure. This subject will be gone into very shortly in regard to what is known as the “bite kiss.” But, at present let I us continue with the “vacuum kiss.”
This kiss must, of necessity, last a comparatively short time. There is tog rill4ch strain on the delicate mouth tissues and the muscles tire very easily. It is .for that reason that this kiss should be shortened. However, there is a special technique to be used to terminating it. When you decide that you have had enough of it, don’t suddenly tear your mouth away. At least, don’t do it if there are other people present in the house. For, they will become startled by the sound of a loud report which will result if you act suddenly. Any vacuum when suddenly opened to air gives off a loud popping noise. The procedure is simply to open first a comer of your mouth. You will hear a faint hissing sound when this is done. Immediately, you will find the pressure in your mouth lessen. The muscles will relax. And a delicious sense of torpor will creep over your entire body, giving it a lassitude that is almost beatific.
But that is not all.
To every large dinner, there is always added a dessert or a lagniappe which is a topping off tid bit of the evening. The same should apply to the “vacuum kiss.” The minute you release Your lips, lift them’ away from the tired lips of your lover. Then, without wasting a minute’s time, gently, delicately, softly, sensitively, oh so lightly, lower your pursed lips and place a tiny little kiss into the almost bruised lips of the girl. It is this little act of sympathy and condolence that makes the tie between you all the more firm. It tells the girl that you know how she feels and that you sympathize with her.
While resting from the joy laden ardors of such a kiss, a few more variations are permissible and advisable. There should never be a let down in a kissing session. Every moment must be filled with kisses. But they do not have to be kisses of the mouth. There are other kisses which, although they are not as satisfying as the lip kisses, still serve to keep the blood burning.
The “Spiritual” Kiss
For instance, there can be kisses exchanged merely in intense glances. A sort of “spiritual kiss.” can pass between the adoring eyes of a pair of lovers. The hot blooded Latin races know the power of such kisses. Their fiery temperaments are ever questing for new delights, for variations, for delightful and artful ways of adding to the pleasure of love. There is a poem extant written by a young Spanish poet to his sloe eyed, raven tressed senorita. No doubt it was sung by him under her balcony while the romantic moon streamed down liquid beams. But the poem quite amply describes this point of kissing with things other than your lips.
Quote:
Then she kisses with her eyelids,
Kisses with her arching eye brows,
With her soft cheek softly rubbing,
With her chin and hands and fingers,
All the frame of Manuela,
All her blood and all her spirit,
All melt down to burning kisses.
There, Perhaps fifteen feet away from him, was the light of her love. Yet, by means of her eyes, she was able to kiss him so that their love continued to flower.
The Eyelash Kiss
A variation of this eye kiss can be practiced as a tender diversion. After an intense period of “soul or “vacuum kissing” has been indulged in and both lovers lie back tiredly, looking into each other’s eyes , the young man should lean over the face of the girl. But, instead of implanting his lips on hers, he should bring his cheek into direct contact with her cheek again. Then, when this is done, he should lower his eyelash so that they enmesh with the eyelash of his partner.
This, of course, is done one eye at a time. And when the enmeshing process is complete, each should gently raise and lower his or her eyelids. The contact of the hair of the eyelash is one that is almost indescribable. Suffice it to say, it is a charming bypath in the meadows of love that is pleasant, provocative and yet not exhausting.
The “Pain” Kiss
A while back, mention was made of the “Pain kiss.” It is with this seemingly paradoxical pleasure that we shall deal with now. First of all, it is necessary to explain that, although an act can be painful, it can still be pleasurable. The explanation is merely another indication of the variability of human nature. To begin, there are some people who derive an extreme pleasure out of being whipped or burned or beaten. There is no rational explanation for this strange, delight.
The fact remains that they react pleasurably to pain. These people are called masochists. Similarly, there are other people who derive the same pleasure out of being the ones who inflict pain or perform the beating. Their abnormality, too, is inexplicable. They are called sadists.
The point is this: these people have these strange desires in extremes. But normal people have similar desires but they are not so strong. They are present only in minute degrees. That is why some of us deliberately uncover ourselves in cold weather or continue to pick at a sore tooth although the act pains us. It is for this reason that most of us are able to derive pleasure from the “pain kiss.”
The “pain kiss” is simply a tiny bite, a love nip.
Catullus, who knew his kissing, if we are to judge from the many poems he left on the subject, once rote:
Quote:
Whom wilt thou for thy lover choose?
Whose shall they call thee, false one, whose?
Who shall thy darted kisses sip,
While thy keen love bites scar his lip?
The “Nip” Kiss
Horace, another Roman, whose kissing proclivities have come down through the ages because of his love poems, also wrote something about the “nip-kiss” when he said:
Quote:
Or on thy lips, the fierce, fond boy
Marks with his teeth the furious joy.
So you see, it is perfectly normal people, if you can call poets normal people, who indulge in the “pain kiss” and derive intense pleasure from it. Punishment, after all, can be more than painful. For instance, in another poem, a poet says:
Quote:
And if she dared her lips to pout,
Like many pert young misses,
I’d wind my arms her waist about
And punish her with kisses.
Naturally, in the “nip-kiss” the kisser is not supposed to open his mouth like the maw of a lion. and then sink his fangs into the delicate flesh of the kissee. Ridiculous! The procedure is the same as the ordinary kiss except that, instead of closing your lips with the kiss, you leave them slightly. open and, as though you were going to nibble on a delicious tid bit, take a playful nip into either the nape of the neck, the cheek or the lips. just a nip is enough. And the resultant pleasure, I assure you, will more than compensate for the slight inconvenience of pain.
Now there might be some of you who may wonder why such kissing subterfuges and substitutes are necessary. It is only that man is a questing animal. He is never satisfied with the ordinary and commonplace because the commonplace, after a time, becomes very boring. Not that I mean to infer that the usual “lip-kiss” is commonplace.. Absolutely not. The “lip-kiss,” as I have mentioned before, is the piece de resistance, the main course in the “banquet of love” as the poet, Qvid, called it. But imagine a meal in which there were seven courses of filet mignon or seven courses of lobster. You’d get sick and tired of a tender filet after the third course, wouldn’t you? And after the second lobster, you wouldn’t be able to look a lobster in the eye, that is, providing a lobster has eyes. So you see why it is that if the lip-kiss were indulged in exclusively, you would reach a point where it would lose all of its rapturous savor.
Variation, Kisses Are The Spice Of Love
A variation 6f the “lip-kiss” can be performed very nicely. Instead of pressing the lips together at one spot, start at one corner of the mouth and brush your closed lips across the entire mouth. A variation of this, in turn, is to part your lips slightly and, with the tip of your tongue in the groove that separates the two lips, brush your lips from side to side. Naturally, .additional variations to this last variation suggest themselves immediately to the aware practitioner of the kiss. In fact, to such a person there should come up hundreds of other variations to titillate and titivate the senses.
One such variation suggests itself. Technically, it is not exactly a variation but simply a variation in the technique of the ordinary “lip-kiss.” It employs the use of the “.delayed action” in its execution. The old story of the fox and the grapes which were tantalizingly dangled over his head is the foundation for the method. Simply, the procedure is this: just before lowering your lips for the kiss, instead of planting the kiss, draw your head back again. Then, hold your lips in readiness but do not kiss. Hold this position for as long as possible the while you smile tantalizingly into the eyes of the girl. Finally, when both you and she can stand the suspense no longer, then lower your lips, Slowly, as slowly as you possibly can, and imprint the seal of love onto the avid mouth of your loved one. After that, the technique calls for no specific action. Kissing, like loving, is instinctive.
Electric Kissing Parties
Some few years ago, a very peculiar kissing custom arose which deserves mention here because, from it, we can learn how to adapt the method to our modem devices. At that time, when young people got together, they held, what was then known as, “electric kissing parties.” Young people are ever on ‘ the outlook for novel ways of entertaining themselves. In fact, when ether was first developed as an anesthetic, the young bloods of the town used to form “ether-sniffing” parties in which they got a perfectly squiffy ether “jag.” But to return to the “electric kisses.” An excerpt from a contemporary writer will, perhaps, give us some idea of what happened.
“The ladies and gentlemen range themselves about the room. In leap year the ladies select a partner, and together they shuffle about on the carpet until they are charged with electricity , the lights in the room having been first turned low. Then they kiss in the dark; and make the sparks fly for the amusement of the onlookers.”
The same sort of experiment could be performed nowadays, on cold, dry nights when the air is overloaded with electricity. But be certain that neither you nor your partner touches each other after shuffling furiously on the carpet with your feet. Merely lean over slowly and, when your lips are about half an inch apart, slow the process down even more until the spark jumps. However, considerable practice should be had before this kiss variation can be done successfully. The natural reaction to this sort of shock is to pull away from each other. But, try to resist this natural impulse because, if you do not kiss the moment after the shock has been perpetrated, the pleasure will be all gone.
Once you have practiced this for Some time, you will become so innured to the slight shock that you will seek more potent electric shocks. These can be obtained with the use of an electric vibrator or in fact, any device that is worked from a battery and a coil which steps up the weak 3 volts of the battery. Shooting galleries have electricity testing devices of this nature which have two handles. No matter what you use, the method is as following: first you take hold of one pole of the live wire, of the handle of the machine, if that is what you are using. Then, your partner should take hold of the other pole, or handle. This done, bring your lips together until there is about an eighth of an inch separating your lips. At this moment, turn the rheostat that increases the current. As soon as the charge is strong enough, a sudden, intense spark will jump the gap of your lips. Again, learn not to flinch but to seize hold of the opportunity of bringing your lips together in a grand, climactic kiss. The advantage of this, method is that you can regulate the electrical charges go that, when you become innured to one strength, you can increase the current almost indefinitely.
A word of warning, however, is apropos here. Be satisfied with the current generated by this battery set. Don’t be like a young friend of mine who discovered that the battery set, even at its highest output, was too weak for him and his partner. Being of an experimental nature, he decided to see what would happen were he to use the ordinary house current as the electrical stimulus. And so, together with his partner, he placed himself in front of an electric wall outlet into which he had screwed a plug and a wire whose end had been, frayed so that the two wires were separated. Taking hold of one wire, he advised the girl to take hold of the other., Then, using the usual “electric-kiss” technique, he bent over and started to bring his lips slowly towards the girl’s lips. He got as far as about half an inch from her lips, and that’s all. Because, a moment later, he saw a blinding flame sear across his eyes and he felt an enormous blow jolt him off his feet. When he came to enough to realize where he was, he found himself asprawl on the floor, his girl friend in a similar position a few feet away. The result was a pair of burned lips and a combined determination to stick to the old fashioned way of kissing. The burned lip will always spurn the flame.
The Dancing Kiss
A very pleasant way to kiss is found in the “dancing kiss.” Here, again, it is the closeness of the bodies of the participants that adds to the enjoyment. What more could a pair of lovers ask for than a dimly lighted dance floor, the tender, rhythmical strains of a waltz being played by Wayne King, their arms around each other, their eager young bodies kissing each other in a myriad of excitable places, the while, their cheeks meet in glowing, velvety strokes? Naturally, in such situations, the rules of social etiquette w ill not allow the pair to enjoy an extremely appropriate “lip kiss.”
Although this can very easily be accomplished in the privacy of one’s parlor while the radio is broadcasting the music. In fact, the “electric kiss” can be ideally performed under these circumstances. But, when dancing in a public place, the only kisses allowed would be those surreptitious ones stolen under the straying eye of the chaperone. Under the pretense of whispering pretty nothings into your partner’s shell of an ear, allow your lips to touch her earlobe, her cheek and her chin. A few covert eye-kisses, perhaps, can be stolen in this manner, too. But, these stolen sweets should suffice the happy couple until they return home,. Then, stimulated by the forepleasure of these previous non-lip kisses, the pair can indulge in all the variations listed in this booklet, to their hearts’ and their lips’ content. The while they recall, perhaps, those lines from Sir John Suckling’s “Ballad of a Wedding,” which went:
Quote:
Oh, they sudden up and rise and dance;
Then sit again, and sigh, and glance;
Then dance again, and kiss.
The Surprise Kiss
A most charming manner of kissing is called the “surprise kiss.” This is performed when one of the parties has fallen asleep, on the sofa, let us say. On entering the room, when the other sees his lover asleep, he should tip toe softly over to her. Then, lowering his head slowly, he should implant a soft, downy, feathery kiss squarely on her lips. This first kiss should be a very light one. But, thereafter, the intensity of the kisses should increase until the sleeping one has awakened. and, of course, even beyond that. The effect of such an awakening to a sleeper is almost heavenly. For, while in the midst of a dream, a pleasant one, most likely, for it will concern the other half of the couple, she feels vaguely, faintly, as though it were the touch of a butterfly’s wing, a subtle kiss on her lips. Naturally, in the depths of her sleep, she imagines that it is part of her dream and the result. is a pleasant sensation, indeed.
Then, gradually, athough still asleep, she feels the kisses continue. And the pleasantness continues. Then, as she starts to come out of her sleep, she realizes that the kisses are to real for a dream. But she is sure that she is dreaming. And so, immediately, a relapse from the happiness sets in and a twinge of sadness comes over her because she knows that’, instead of being with her lover, she is only dreaming of him. Imagine, then, her extreme gratification, when, while thinking these drab thoughts, she feels the actuality of an intense, ardent kiss on her lips. Her heart flutters wildly. Her pulse runs riot. Perhaps she is not asleep, she argues to herself. Then she opens her eyes. And she sees the darling face f her beloved bending over her. And she feels the sensuous touch of his lips on hers. Truly, no awakening can be more pleasurable!
Kissing Under The Mistletoe
Perhaps, in conclusion, it would be appropriate to make mention of a few kissing customs which have intrigued mankind. For instance, there is the rite of kissing under the mistletoe, at Christmas time. The origin of this custom is uncertain. Suffice it to say, it must have been started by some woman because, in, it, She rule is that if a woman is caught standing under a sprig of mistletoe, any man has the right to kiss her, peremptorily, without asking her permision or begging her pardon. Here is one time when social convention doses its eyes to lover’s delights. For, then, you can seize hold of the girl with impunity and smack her to your heart’s content without being socially ostracized for it.
Kissing Games
One wonders at the prevalence of kissing games in this civilization. Games on the order of “Postoffice,” “Kiss the Pillow” and innumerable others which have been devised for the jovial disports of lovers. In these games, because they are games, it is perfectly legitimate for two people to lass. In fact, in the game Postoffice” this kissing is encouraged behind closed doors where the happy couple are alone in a room. The game is so widespread that comment in regard to the manner in which it is played would be extraneous here. But, what would make an excellent topping off for this booklet, would be a conjecture as to the reason for the prevalence of such games, even during the. dreaded Victorian times , when etiquette was so strict that the dictum was made forbidding the placing of a book by a female author next to a book written by a man!
These kissing games existed and shall continue to exist because man and woman must kiss. In fact, man is the only animal who uses the kiss to express his love and affection. Dogs, cats and bears lick their offspring. Horses and cows rub noses and necks. Birds nestle together.
But, only mankind kisses.
Only mankind has the reason, the logic, the happy faculty of being able to appreciate the charm, the beauty, the extreme pleasure, the joy, the passionate fulfillment of the kiss! Nature kisses, in her way, but nature hasn’t the brains to profit from the kiss. Only man can do this.
Perhaps it would be appropriate to conclude this summary of the art of kissing with an excerpt from Shelley’s immortal poem in which occur the following lines:
If we are to get the real meaning of the word kiss, instead of going to the old fogies who compile dictionaries, we should go to the poets who still have the hot blood of youth coursing in their veins. For, instance, Coleridge called a kiss, “nectar breathing.” Shakespeare says that a kiss is a “seal of love. Martial, that old Roman poet who hid ample opportunity to do research work on the subject, says that a kiss was “the fragrance of balsam extracted from aromatic trees; the rise odor yielded by the teeming saffron; the perfume of fruits mellowing in their winter buds; the flowery meadows in the summer; amber warmed by the hand of a girl; a bouquet of flowers that attracts the bees.”
Yes, a kiss is all of these… and more.
Others have said that a kiss was: the balm of love; the first and last of joys; love’s language; the seal of bliss; love’s tribute; the melting sip; the nectar of Venus; the language of love.
Yes, a kiss is all of these… and more.
For a kiss can never be absolutely defined. Because each kiss is different from the one before and the one after. just as no two people are alike, so are no two kisses alike. For it is people who make kisses. Real, live people pulsating with life and love and extreme happiness.
Diffferent Kinds of Kisses: Of course, there are different kinds of kisses. For instance, there is the kiss that the devout person implants on the ring of the Pope. There is the maternal kiss of a mother on her child. There is the friendly kiss of two people who are meeting or are separating.
There is the kiss that a king exacts from his conquered subjects. But although all of these are called kisses, they are not the kisses* that we are going to concern ourselves with in this book. Our kisses are going to be the only kind of kisses worth considering . the kisses of love. The kiss perhaps, that Robert Bums had in mind when he wrote:
Quote:
Honeyed seal of soft affections,
Tenderest pledge of future bliss,
Dearest tie of young connections,
Love’s first snowdrop, virgin kiss.
The amazing thing about the kiss is that although mankind has been kissing ever since Adam first turned over on his side and saw Eve lying next to him, there has been practically nothing written on the subject. Every year, hundreds of books are published telling you how to reduce, how to gain, how to get a job, how to cook, how to write and even how to live. But, on the art of kissing, very little has been written. One reason for this lack of proper instruction is accounted for by the Victorian. sense of morals which has persisted through the ages.
To the blue nosed Puritans of the past anything that concerned love was dirty, pornographical. John Bunyan’s writings show what these, Puritans thought of’ the kiss. He wrote in big infamous “The Pilgrim’s Progress,” “the common salutations of women I abhor. It is odious to me in whomsoever I see it. When I have seen good men salute those women that they have visted, or that have visited them, I have made my objections against it; and when they have answered that it was but a piece of civility, I have told them that it was not a comely sight. Some, indeed, have urged the holy kiss; but then, I have asked them why they make their balks; why they did salute the most handsome and let the ill-favored ones go.” Perhaps old Bunyan thought that way because be was one of the “ill-favored” who went unkissed and were let “go.”
But, nowadays, people have taken a broader outlook on life. Our plays are becoming more civilized and less stiff. Our arts are no more censored by laws. Our books are being written about subjects that no self-respecting author would ever have dared to put into a book. Birth-control, divorce and the science of marriage are common subjects for books. Even the strange vices of mankind are brought out into the open and discussed and not allowed to fester in the dark chambers of censorship. Yes, books like Van de Velde’s “Ideal Marriage” and Stope’s “Married Love” Ire openly sold in bookstores. But, nowhere, do we find a book which instructs people in the art of kissing, an art which is an absolute essential to a happy life, as we shall discuss in the oncoming pages of this book. Is it because we are not absolutely freed from the shackles of prudishness? In certain parts of this country, men have been arrested for kissing their wives on the street! Is this civilization?
So it is, that this book is being written. It is going to be a manual of the kiss. In it we are going to discuss the most approved methods of kissing, the ad’ vantages. of certain kinds and, with the disadvantages of others, the mental and physical reactions of kissers, historical episodes of kissing together with examples from the literature of the world in which kisses were the subject. So, gird up your loins, pucker up your lips and let’s to the kissing arena!
Why People Kiss
What happens when a man and a woman kiss?
That is to say, what happens, to the various parts of the body when two people in love join their lips in bliss? Years ago, before our biologists knew of the existence of the glands in our bodies, one writer quoted a scientist as saying that “kissing is pleasant because the teeth, jawbones and lips are full of nerves, and when the lips meet an electric current is generated.”
What nonsense! what utter nonsense!
In the first place, two people kiss because they are satisfying, a hunger within them, a hunger that is as natural as the hunger for food, water and knowledge. It is the hunger of sex that drives them to each other. After that, hunger has been satiated, then comes the hunger for a home, for children and for marital happiness. This hunger is instinctive, that is, we are born with it, all of us, and we cannot learn it or acquire it in any way.
Why Kissing Is Pleasant
Once this hunger for the opposite sex evidences itself, there occurs in the human body what is known as tumescence which, in simple language, is the rhythmical contraction of the various muscles of the body together with the functioning of certain glands, just which glands science has been unable to say definitely. Gland specialists know, by performing certain operations, that the adrenal, the pituitary, the gonad and certain other glands, control the sexual behavior of human beings. It is these glands that react, that secrete what are known as hormones into the blood which, in turn, carries them into the various organs effected by a sexual reaction.
Therefore, it can be seen that it is the partial satisfying of the sex hunger that makes kissing pleasurable.’ Electricity is used for turning motors and lighting lamps and heating curling irons. But electricity 4oes not give complete satisfaction to the kiss.
But enough of dry science!
We have ahead of us pleasurable reading of the bliss of the kiss. Now that we have learned why it is that men and women kiss, let us go into the methods used in. kissing so as to derive the most satisfaction from this most soul appeasing of pleasures.
Approvied Methods Of Kissing
The only kiss that counts is the one exchanged by two people who are in love with each other. That is the first essential of the satisfying kiss. For a kiss is really the union of two soul mates who have come together because they were made for each other. The. reason for this is that the kiss is really the introduction to love, true love. The kiss prepares the participants for the love life of the future. It is the foundation, the starting point of sexual love. And it is for that reason that the manner in which the kiss is performed is so vitally important.
There are still young women extant who believe that babies are the result of kisses Actually! this is a fact! And this condition exists because our parents, in the main, are either ignorant of the methods of explaining sex to their children or are too embarrassed to enlighten them. The result is that their children obtain their sexual information from the streets and alleys or else remain ignorant of it and believe such things as was mentioned above.
Kisses Are But Preludes To Love
Man and woman are born to love, marry and beget children. Woman is so physically constituted that she is the one who bears the child. Man, on the other hand, is given the duty of being the protector of his wife and, after they are born, of his children. Therefore, he must always be the one who takes the initiative. He must be strong, he must be willing, he must be physically able to take care of his charges, He must be the aggressor.
It is, therefore, necessary that the man be taller than the woman. The psychological reason for this is that he must always give the impression of being his woman’s superior, both mentally and especially physically. The physical reason, with which we are more concerned, is that if he is taller that his woman, he is better able to kiss her. He must be able to sweep her into his strong arms, and tower 6ver her, and look down into her eyes, and cup her chin in his fingers and 1 hen, bend over her face and plant his eager, virile lips on her moist, slightly parted, inviting ones. All of this he must do with the vigor of an assertive male. And, all of these are impossible where. the woman is the taller of the two. For when the situation is reversed, the kiss becomes only a ludicrous banality. The physical mastery is gone, the male prerogative is gone, everything is gone but the fact that two lips are touching two other lips. Nothing can be more disappointing.
Preparing For The Kiss
A paragraph back, we mentioned that the woman’s lips were slightly parted when she awaited the lips of her lover. There was a reason for using this description. Always, in any sort of kiss, just before the male’s lips settle onto the lips of his partner, the female’s lips should be slightly parted. One reason for this is that cherry red lips serve as a charming frame for a row of gleaming, white, even teeth. The picture that confronts the kisser is one that draws him onward. And even, months later, when he thinks back to the kiss in the retrospect, he will remember that pretty little picture of the pearls of teeth nestling in their frame of cherries.
The deliciousness of a long remembered kiss was beautifully expressed in a poem ‘called, “Three Kisses,” in which occurred the verse:
Quote:
I gently raised her sweet, pure face,
Her eyes with radiant, love sight filled.
That trembling kiss I’ll ne’er forget
Which both our hearts with rapture filled.
Another reason for parting the lips is that there is a definite gratification the male obtains from the delicious odor that emanates from his loved one’s mouth. John Secundus, in describing a kiss,. said that & lover’s kiss was like:
Quote:
“… every aromatic breeze That wafts from Africa’s spicy trees;”
The odor of a woman’s hair can send shivers of joy coursing up and down a man’s spine. The odor of her body can convulse him with throes of passion. Odors are as necessary to love as is love, itself. That is why it is so essential that the lips be parted just before the kiss. And that is why the breath should be kept always sweet and pure so that, when the lips art opened, the breath will be like an “aromatic breeze.” Sometimes it is advisable to touch the corners of the mouth with perfume. But be certain that there is only the faintest suggestion of an odor and no more. Another thing, lipstick is definitely out in the kiss, because it comes off so readily. A very light coat of lipstick should be worn so that, when it does come off, it will not serve to betray you. Similarly, the teeth should be kept cleaned and polished. Nothing can dampen a young man’s ardor, or a young woman’s for that matter, than a row of brown stained, unkempt teeth.
How To Approach A Girl
In kissing a girl whose experience with osculation is limited, it is a good thing to work up to the kissing of the lips. Only an arrant fool seizes hold of such a girl, when they are comfortably seated on the sofa, and suddenly shoves his face into her’s and smacks her lips’ Naturally, the first thing he should do is to arrange it so that the girl is seated against the arm of the sofa while he is seated at her side. In this way, she cannot edge away from him when he becomes serious in his attentions. This done, on some pretext or another, such as a gallant attempt to adjust the cushions behind her, he manages to insinuate his arm, first around the back of the sofa and then, gradually, around her shoulders. If she flinches, don’t worry. If she flinches and makes an outcry, don’t worry. If she flinches, makes an outcry and tries to get up from the sofa, don’t worry. Hold her gently but firmly, and allay her fears with kind, reassuring words. Remember what Shakespeare said about “a woman’s no! However., if she flinches and makes an outcry, a loud, stentorian outcry, mind you, and starts to scratch your face, then start to worry or start to get yourself out of a bad situation. Such girls are not to be trifled with … or kissed. It is such as they, in most cases, who still believe the story 6f the stork which brings babies because of the consequences of a kiss.
But if your arm is comfortably reposed across the girl’s shoulders and “all’s right with the world” then your next step is to flatter her in some way. All women like to be flattered. They like to be told they are beautiful even when the mirror throws the lie back into their ugly faces.
Flatter her!
Catullus once wrote:
Quote:
Kiss me softly and speak to me low;
Trust me darling, the time is near,
When we may live with never a fear
Kiss me dear!
Kiss me softly, and speak to me law
Quote:
“Take a Deep Sniff of the Perfume In Her Hair and comment On It”
Tell her she is beautiful!
Then, take a deep sniff of the perfume in her hair and comment on it. Tell her that the odor is like “heady wine.” Tell her that her hair smells like a garden of roses. Tell her anything, but be sure to tell her something complimentary. This done, it is only a natural thing for you to do to, desire to sink your nose deeper into her hair so that you can get the full benefit of its bouquet.
The Techniqus Of Kissing
Now is your chance I The moment you feel the tip of your nose touch her scalp, purse your lips and kiss her, the while you inhale a deep breath of air that is redolent with the exquisite odor of her hair. it is then but a few inches to her ear. Touch the rim of her ear with your lips in a sort of brushing motion. Breathe gently into the delicate shell. Some women react passionately to this subtle act. Brush past her here in this way again and note her reaction. If she draws her head away, return to her hair and sniff luxuriously of it. Then: settle back to her ear, the while you murmur “sweet, airy nothings” into it. From the ear to her neck is but another few inches.. Let your lips traverse this distance quickly and then dart into the nape and, with your lips well pursed, nip the skin there, using the same gentleness as would a cat lifting her precious kittens.
Then, with a series of little nips, bring your lips around from the nape of her neck to the curving, swerve of her jaw, close to the ear. Gently kiss the lobe of her ear. But be sure, to return to the tender softness of her jaw. From then on, the way should be clear to you. Nuzzle your lips along the soft, downy expanse until you reach the comer of her lips. You will know when this happens because, suddenly, you will feel a strange stiffening of ‘her shoulders under your arm. The reason for this is that the lips constitute one of the main erogenous zones of the body. The nerve ends in it are so sensitive that the slightest contact with them sends a pleasurable thrill immediately through the nervous system, through the medulla portion of the brain, back through the nervous system again, through branches which connect up with motor nerves, in this case the nerves that control the sphyncter muscles of the mouth and lips, and the sexual glands which were mentioned before.
In plain English, the kissee knows she is to be kissed.
Alright. You have subtly kissed the corner of her mouth. Don’t hesitate. Push on further to more pleasurable spots. Ahead of you lies that which had been promised in your dreams, the tender, luscious lips of the girl you love. But don’t sit idly by and watch them quivering.
Act!
Lift your lips away slightly, center them so that when you make contact there will be a perfect union. Notice, only momentarily, the picture of her teeth in her lips. And, then, like a sea gull swooping gracefully down through the air, bring your lips down firmly onto the lips of the girl who is quivering in; your arms.
Kiss her!
Kiss her as though, at that moment, nothing else exists in the world. Kiss her as though your entire life is wrapped up into the period of the kiss. Kiss her as though there is nothing else that you would rather be doing. Kiss her!
At this point, it is necessary for us to discuss a few subjects which are germane to the art of kissing, particularly in so fir as they apply to what has just been described. For instance, there has been raised quite a full in regard to whether one should close one’s eyes while kissing or while being kissed. Personally, I disagree with those who advise closed eyes. To me, there is an additional thrill in seeing, before my eyes, the drama of bliss and pleasure as it is played on the face of my beloved. I can see tiny wrinkles form at the comers of her eyes, wrinkles of joy. I can see fleeting spasms of happiness flit across her eyes. I can see these things and, in seeing them, my pleasurable reactions to the kiss are considerably heightened. In keeping my eyes open, I am giving pleasure not to one sense alone, the sense of touch, but to two senses, the senses of touch and of sight. These two, coupled with the sense of smell which is actuated by the perfume of her breath, all combine to make the kiss an exquisite, ineffable epitome of unalloyed bliss.
How To Kiss Girls With Different Sizes Of Mouths
Another question which must be settled at this time concerns the size of the kissee’s mouth. A consideration of this factor is important. Where the girl’s mouth is of the tiny, rosebud type, then one need not worry about what to do. Merely follow the directions as they were outlined above. However, there are many girls whose lips are broad and generous’, whose lips are on the order of Joan Crawford’s, for instance.. The technique in kissing such lips is different.
Different Sizes of Mouths Require a Different Technique in Kissing
For, were one to allow his lips to remain centered, there would be wide expanses of lips, untouched and, therefore, wasted. In such cases,. instead of remaining adhered to the center of the lips, the young man should lift up his lips a trifle and begin to travel around the girl’s lips, stopping a number of times to drop a firm kiss in passing. When you have made a complete round of the lips, return immediately to the center bud and feast there. Feast there as did that lover of Fatimas, in Tennysen’s poem, in which it was written that: “Once he drew, with one long kiss, my whole soul through my lips as sunlight drinketh dew.”
Then, sip of the honey.
Like the bee that settles on the fragrant pistils of a flower, and sips in the nectar for honey, so should you sip in the nectar from between the lips of your love. And it is nectar. For there is in this mingling a symbol of the holy communion o f the spirits of two soul mates, joined together in the bonds of an indissoluble love. It was a kiss such as this which caused the writer of an old German novel to write:
Quote:
“Sophia returned my kiss and the earth went from under my feet; my soul was no longer in my body; I touched the stars; I knew the happiness of angels!”
Enjoy The Thrills Of Kissing
But don’t be in a hurry I As in all matters pertaining to love, don’t hurry the process of kissing. A kiss is too rapturous a thing to be enjoyed for the moment and the moment only. Linger longer on her lips than you have ever lingered before. Forget time. Forget everything but the kiss in which you are in the midst of. Don’t be like that bashful young lover who, after a sweet, long kiss, drew his lips away from the lips of his charmer. Immediately, She burst out into tears.
“What’s the matter?” he asked solicitously.
“You don’t love me I” she said between sobs.
“But I do!”
“Then why did you draw your lips away?”
“I couldn’t breathe,” he said naively.
Breathe? Who wants to breathe, who even wants to think of breathing in the middle of an impassioned kiss? Breathe through your nose if you have to breathe. But kiss, keep on kissing, as long as there! Is one minim of breath in you. Kiss, as Byron said we should kiss, with the “long, long kiss of youth and love.”
Recently, in Chicago, there was held a marathon kissing contest to determine Which couple could hold their kiss the longest without being forced to separate. One pair was able to hold their kiss for fifteen hours. Think of that! Fifteen hours. And yet the naive lad stopped kissing because be couldn’t breathe.
Elizabeth Barrett Browning must have spent many an ecstatic night of kissing with the poet, Robert Browning, if we are to judge from an excerpt from her “Aurora Leigh,” in which she described a kiss as being “As long and silent as the ecstatic night.”
Another poet, unknown, but certainly one who knew whereof he speaks, wrote the following poem which deserves to be quoted in its entirety.
Quote:
Oh, that a joy so soon should waste,
Or so sweet a bliss as a kiss
Might not forever last!
So sugared, so melting, so delicious.
The dew that lies on roses,
When the morn herself discloses,
Is not so precious.
Oh, rather than I would it smother
Were I to taste such another.
It. should be my wishing
That I might die kissing.
At this point, it should be explained that the lips are not the only part of the mouth which should be joined in kissing. Every lover is a glutton. He wants everything that is part of his sweetheart, everything. He doesn’t want to miss a single iota of her “million-pleasured joys” as Keats once wrote of them. That is why, when kissing, there should be as many contacts, bodily contacts, as is possible.
Snuggle up closely together. Feel the warm touch of each other’s bodies. Be so close that the rise and fall of each other’s bosoms is felt by one another.
Get next to each other.
Quote:
“Snuggle Up Closely Together”
And, this same thing applies to the mouth in kissing. Don’t be afraid to kiss with more than your lips. After your lips have been glued together for some time, open them slightly. Then put the tip of your tongue out so that you can feel the smooth surface of your kissee’s teeth. This will be a signal for her to respond in kind. If she is wholly in accord with you, if she is, truly, your real love mate, then you will notice that she, too, has opened her lips slightly and that., soon, her teeth will be parted. Then, if she is all that she should be, she should project the tip of her tongue so that it meets with the tip of yours. Heaven will be in that union!
Lava will run through your veins instead of blood. Your breath will come in short gasps. There will rise up in you an Overpowering, overwhelming surge of emotion such as you have never before experienced. If you are a man, you will clutch the shoulders of your loved one and sense a shudder course through you that makes you pant. If you are a woman, and being kissed, you will feel a strange languor passing through your limbs, you are entire body. A shudder will go through you. You will moan in the delicious transports of love. And, in all probabilities, you will go faint because the blood in your veins will be rushing furiously into your entire system and away from your head. Thus, you will be unable to think any longer. You will only be able to feel, td feel the most exquisite of pleasures that it has been your lot to feel.
The French “Soul” Kiss
But don’t stop at this.
Surely, there is more to your tongue than merely its tip. Probe further. Go deeper. Gently caress ,each other’s tongues. For, in doing this, you are merging your souls. That is why this kiss was called the “soul” kiss by the French who were said to be the first people to have perfected it.. The French have always been a liberal minded people. And, it is because of the fact that they dropped Puritanism many years ago, that they were able to. perfect themselves in the art of love and, particularly, in the art of kissing.
Learn from the French.
Learn also from the Old Romans , especially Catullus, whose love poems to Lesbia have lived through the ages because of the sincerity of his passion and the genius of his ability to express his emotions in the form of beautiful poetry. For it was Catullus who wrote:
Quote:
“Then to those kisses add a hundred more,
A thousand to that hundred so, kiss on!
To make that thousand up to a million;
Treble this million, and when that is done,
Let’s kiss afresh, as when we first begun.”
Kisses cost nothing. So kiss on. There is one thing that you cannot. take away from people and that is the ability to make love to each other. Despite the fact that the world suffered from a long depression, people continued to get married and they continued to have children. In fact, according to recently released figures, there were, more children born during the depression than there had been in good times. This means that, although married people did not have money, they still had themselves. They still had love. They still had the ability to kiss as they pleased and when they pleased and as often as they pleased.
Another poet asks:
Quote:
What is a kiss? alack, at worst,
A single drop to quench a thirst,
Tho oft it proves in happier hour,
The first sweet drop of one long shower.
Because kisses cost nothing.
So kiss on. Keep on kissing. Rare old Ben Jonson realized this when he wrote that, if he had one wish, it would be that he could die kissing. But it is not only the robust and lusty poets, like Ben Jonson, who are gluttons for kisses. There has been attributed to John Ruskin, an old fogy of a philosopher if ever there was one, a request from him to a young lady friend of his that she “kiss him not sometimes but continually.” Still another poet wrote:
Quote:
Kisses told by hundreds o’er;
Thousands told by thousands more.
Millions, countless millions then
Told by millions o’er again;
Countless as the drops that glide
In the ocean’s billowy tide,
Countless as yon orbs of light
Spangled o’er the vault of night
I’ll with ceaseless love bestow
On those cheeks of crimson glow,
On those lips so gently swelling,
On those eyes such fond tales telling.
Put Variety Into Your Kisses
It is with the last few lines of this poem that our next subject for discussion concerns itself. As was mentioned before, the true lover is not satisfied with only one or two contacts. He wants n6thing to be held from him. It is for that reason that, when kissing a girl, after. you have given sufficient time to the kissing of her lips, you should vary your kissing by diverting your zeal to other portions of her face. Robert Herrick, who wrote, many beautiful love lyrics in his day, has a poem which ideally synthesizes this idea of varied kisses. In it he says:
Quote:
It isn’t creature born and bred
Between the lips all cherry red;
It is an active flame that flies
First to the babies of the eyes;
Then to the cheek, the chin and ear;
It frisks and flies now here, now there
Tis now far off, and then ’tis near;
Here and there and everywhere.
Let us say that you have revelled in a sweet, long kiss. Suddenly, you see your loved one’s eyes close as though in a moment of weariness. Gently detach your lips from her’s and raise them up to her closed eyelids. Drop a kisslet first on one eyelid and then on the other. Feel the rolling orb quiver under your lips. Then , when you have done this, run your lips down along the line of her nose, stopping at odd times to purse them into a tiny kiss. When you reach the wrinkle of her nostrils, bury your lips deeply into the curve and kiss little niblets into first one and then the other. If her eyes still are closed, repeat the process.
But return to the lips.
Never forget this important injunction, “Return to the lips,” for they can never become satiated with love’s ardent kisses. The little kisses that you have deposited on her eyes and her nose serve only to vary the Menu of love. They are but spice to the course of love’s banquet which should always be the “lip kiss.”
The Vacuum Kiss
This time, when your eager lips have been deposited on the eager lips of the girl, try to vary the kiss. For instance’ instead of using the soul kiss, try what is known as the “vac uum kiss.” Here you start off by first opening your mouth a. trifle just after you have been resting peacefully with closed lips. Indicate to your partner, by brushing her teeth with the tip of your tongue, that you wish for her to do likewise. The moment she responds, instead of caressing her mouth, suck inward as though you were trying to draw out the innards of an orange.
If she knows of this kiss variations your maid will act in the same way and withdraw the air from your mouth. In this fashion, in a very short while, the, air will have been entirely drawn out of your mouths. Your lips will adhere so tightly that there will almost be pain, instead of pleasure. But it will be the sort of pain that is highly pleasurable. That may sound odd but, nevertheless, it is a fact. Pain becomes so excruciating as to become pleasure. This subject will be gone into very shortly in regard to what is known as the “bite kiss.” But, at present let I us continue with the “vacuum kiss.”
This kiss must, of necessity, last a comparatively short time. There is tog rill4ch strain on the delicate mouth tissues and the muscles tire very easily. It is .for that reason that this kiss should be shortened. However, there is a special technique to be used to terminating it. When you decide that you have had enough of it, don’t suddenly tear your mouth away. At least, don’t do it if there are other people present in the house. For, they will become startled by the sound of a loud report which will result if you act suddenly. Any vacuum when suddenly opened to air gives off a loud popping noise. The procedure is simply to open first a comer of your mouth. You will hear a faint hissing sound when this is done. Immediately, you will find the pressure in your mouth lessen. The muscles will relax. And a delicious sense of torpor will creep over your entire body, giving it a lassitude that is almost beatific.
But that is not all.
To every large dinner, there is always added a dessert or a lagniappe which is a topping off tid bit of the evening. The same should apply to the “vacuum kiss.” The minute you release Your lips, lift them’ away from the tired lips of your lover. Then, without wasting a minute’s time, gently, delicately, softly, sensitively, oh so lightly, lower your pursed lips and place a tiny little kiss into the almost bruised lips of the girl. It is this little act of sympathy and condolence that makes the tie between you all the more firm. It tells the girl that you know how she feels and that you sympathize with her.
While resting from the joy laden ardors of such a kiss, a few more variations are permissible and advisable. There should never be a let down in a kissing session. Every moment must be filled with kisses. But they do not have to be kisses of the mouth. There are other kisses which, although they are not as satisfying as the lip kisses, still serve to keep the blood burning.
The “Spiritual” Kiss
For instance, there can be kisses exchanged merely in intense glances. A sort of “spiritual kiss.” can pass between the adoring eyes of a pair of lovers. The hot blooded Latin races know the power of such kisses. Their fiery temperaments are ever questing for new delights, for variations, for delightful and artful ways of adding to the pleasure of love. There is a poem extant written by a young Spanish poet to his sloe eyed, raven tressed senorita. No doubt it was sung by him under her balcony while the romantic moon streamed down liquid beams. But the poem quite amply describes this point of kissing with things other than your lips.
Quote:
Then she kisses with her eyelids,
Kisses with her arching eye brows,
With her soft cheek softly rubbing,
With her chin and hands and fingers,
All the frame of Manuela,
All her blood and all her spirit,
All melt down to burning kisses.
There, Perhaps fifteen feet away from him, was the light of her love. Yet, by means of her eyes, she was able to kiss him so that their love continued to flower.
The Eyelash Kiss
A variation of this eye kiss can be practiced as a tender diversion. After an intense period of “soul or “vacuum kissing” has been indulged in and both lovers lie back tiredly, looking into each other’s eyes , the young man should lean over the face of the girl. But, instead of implanting his lips on hers, he should bring his cheek into direct contact with her cheek again. Then, when this is done, he should lower his eyelash so that they enmesh with the eyelash of his partner.
This, of course, is done one eye at a time. And when the enmeshing process is complete, each should gently raise and lower his or her eyelids. The contact of the hair of the eyelash is one that is almost indescribable. Suffice it to say, it is a charming bypath in the meadows of love that is pleasant, provocative and yet not exhausting.
The “Pain” Kiss
A while back, mention was made of the “Pain kiss.” It is with this seemingly paradoxical pleasure that we shall deal with now. First of all, it is necessary to explain that, although an act can be painful, it can still be pleasurable. The explanation is merely another indication of the variability of human nature. To begin, there are some people who derive an extreme pleasure out of being whipped or burned or beaten. There is no rational explanation for this strange, delight.
The fact remains that they react pleasurably to pain. These people are called masochists. Similarly, there are other people who derive the same pleasure out of being the ones who inflict pain or perform the beating. Their abnormality, too, is inexplicable. They are called sadists.
The point is this: these people have these strange desires in extremes. But normal people have similar desires but they are not so strong. They are present only in minute degrees. That is why some of us deliberately uncover ourselves in cold weather or continue to pick at a sore tooth although the act pains us. It is for this reason that most of us are able to derive pleasure from the “pain kiss.”
The “pain kiss” is simply a tiny bite, a love nip.
Catullus, who knew his kissing, if we are to judge from the many poems he left on the subject, once rote:
Quote:
Whom wilt thou for thy lover choose?
Whose shall they call thee, false one, whose?
Who shall thy darted kisses sip,
While thy keen love bites scar his lip?
The “Nip” Kiss
Horace, another Roman, whose kissing proclivities have come down through the ages because of his love poems, also wrote something about the “nip-kiss” when he said:
Quote:
Or on thy lips, the fierce, fond boy
Marks with his teeth the furious joy.
So you see, it is perfectly normal people, if you can call poets normal people, who indulge in the “pain kiss” and derive intense pleasure from it. Punishment, after all, can be more than painful. For instance, in another poem, a poet says:
Quote:
And if she dared her lips to pout,
Like many pert young misses,
I’d wind my arms her waist about
And punish her with kisses.
Naturally, in the “nip-kiss” the kisser is not supposed to open his mouth like the maw of a lion. and then sink his fangs into the delicate flesh of the kissee. Ridiculous! The procedure is the same as the ordinary kiss except that, instead of closing your lips with the kiss, you leave them slightly. open and, as though you were going to nibble on a delicious tid bit, take a playful nip into either the nape of the neck, the cheek or the lips. just a nip is enough. And the resultant pleasure, I assure you, will more than compensate for the slight inconvenience of pain.
Now there might be some of you who may wonder why such kissing subterfuges and substitutes are necessary. It is only that man is a questing animal. He is never satisfied with the ordinary and commonplace because the commonplace, after a time, becomes very boring. Not that I mean to infer that the usual “lip-kiss” is commonplace.. Absolutely not. The “lip-kiss,” as I have mentioned before, is the piece de resistance, the main course in the “banquet of love” as the poet, Qvid, called it. But imagine a meal in which there were seven courses of filet mignon or seven courses of lobster. You’d get sick and tired of a tender filet after the third course, wouldn’t you? And after the second lobster, you wouldn’t be able to look a lobster in the eye, that is, providing a lobster has eyes. So you see why it is that if the lip-kiss were indulged in exclusively, you would reach a point where it would lose all of its rapturous savor.
Variation, Kisses Are The Spice Of Love
A variation 6f the “lip-kiss” can be performed very nicely. Instead of pressing the lips together at one spot, start at one corner of the mouth and brush your closed lips across the entire mouth. A variation of this, in turn, is to part your lips slightly and, with the tip of your tongue in the groove that separates the two lips, brush your lips from side to side. Naturally, .additional variations to this last variation suggest themselves immediately to the aware practitioner of the kiss. In fact, to such a person there should come up hundreds of other variations to titillate and titivate the senses.
One such variation suggests itself. Technically, it is not exactly a variation but simply a variation in the technique of the ordinary “lip-kiss.” It employs the use of the “.delayed action” in its execution. The old story of the fox and the grapes which were tantalizingly dangled over his head is the foundation for the method. Simply, the procedure is this: just before lowering your lips for the kiss, instead of planting the kiss, draw your head back again. Then, hold your lips in readiness but do not kiss. Hold this position for as long as possible the while you smile tantalizingly into the eyes of the girl. Finally, when both you and she can stand the suspense no longer, then lower your lips, Slowly, as slowly as you possibly can, and imprint the seal of love onto the avid mouth of your loved one. After that, the technique calls for no specific action. Kissing, like loving, is instinctive.
Electric Kissing Parties
Some few years ago, a very peculiar kissing custom arose which deserves mention here because, from it, we can learn how to adapt the method to our modem devices. At that time, when young people got together, they held, what was then known as, “electric kissing parties.” Young people are ever on ‘ the outlook for novel ways of entertaining themselves. In fact, when ether was first developed as an anesthetic, the young bloods of the town used to form “ether-sniffing” parties in which they got a perfectly squiffy ether “jag.” But to return to the “electric kisses.” An excerpt from a contemporary writer will, perhaps, give us some idea of what happened.
“The ladies and gentlemen range themselves about the room. In leap year the ladies select a partner, and together they shuffle about on the carpet until they are charged with electricity , the lights in the room having been first turned low. Then they kiss in the dark; and make the sparks fly for the amusement of the onlookers.”
The same sort of experiment could be performed nowadays, on cold, dry nights when the air is overloaded with electricity. But be certain that neither you nor your partner touches each other after shuffling furiously on the carpet with your feet. Merely lean over slowly and, when your lips are about half an inch apart, slow the process down even more until the spark jumps. However, considerable practice should be had before this kiss variation can be done successfully. The natural reaction to this sort of shock is to pull away from each other. But, try to resist this natural impulse because, if you do not kiss the moment after the shock has been perpetrated, the pleasure will be all gone.
Once you have practiced this for Some time, you will become so innured to the slight shock that you will seek more potent electric shocks. These can be obtained with the use of an electric vibrator or in fact, any device that is worked from a battery and a coil which steps up the weak 3 volts of the battery. Shooting galleries have electricity testing devices of this nature which have two handles. No matter what you use, the method is as following: first you take hold of one pole of the live wire, of the handle of the machine, if that is what you are using. Then, your partner should take hold of the other pole, or handle. This done, bring your lips together until there is about an eighth of an inch separating your lips. At this moment, turn the rheostat that increases the current. As soon as the charge is strong enough, a sudden, intense spark will jump the gap of your lips. Again, learn not to flinch but to seize hold of the opportunity of bringing your lips together in a grand, climactic kiss. The advantage of this, method is that you can regulate the electrical charges go that, when you become innured to one strength, you can increase the current almost indefinitely.
A word of warning, however, is apropos here. Be satisfied with the current generated by this battery set. Don’t be like a young friend of mine who discovered that the battery set, even at its highest output, was too weak for him and his partner. Being of an experimental nature, he decided to see what would happen were he to use the ordinary house current as the electrical stimulus. And so, together with his partner, he placed himself in front of an electric wall outlet into which he had screwed a plug and a wire whose end had been, frayed so that the two wires were separated. Taking hold of one wire, he advised the girl to take hold of the other., Then, using the usual “electric-kiss” technique, he bent over and started to bring his lips slowly towards the girl’s lips. He got as far as about half an inch from her lips, and that’s all. Because, a moment later, he saw a blinding flame sear across his eyes and he felt an enormous blow jolt him off his feet. When he came to enough to realize where he was, he found himself asprawl on the floor, his girl friend in a similar position a few feet away. The result was a pair of burned lips and a combined determination to stick to the old fashioned way of kissing. The burned lip will always spurn the flame.
The Dancing Kiss
A very pleasant way to kiss is found in the “dancing kiss.” Here, again, it is the closeness of the bodies of the participants that adds to the enjoyment. What more could a pair of lovers ask for than a dimly lighted dance floor, the tender, rhythmical strains of a waltz being played by Wayne King, their arms around each other, their eager young bodies kissing each other in a myriad of excitable places, the while, their cheeks meet in glowing, velvety strokes? Naturally, in such situations, the rules of social etiquette w ill not allow the pair to enjoy an extremely appropriate “lip kiss.”
Although this can very easily be accomplished in the privacy of one’s parlor while the radio is broadcasting the music. In fact, the “electric kiss” can be ideally performed under these circumstances. But, when dancing in a public place, the only kisses allowed would be those surreptitious ones stolen under the straying eye of the chaperone. Under the pretense of whispering pretty nothings into your partner’s shell of an ear, allow your lips to touch her earlobe, her cheek and her chin. A few covert eye-kisses, perhaps, can be stolen in this manner, too. But, these stolen sweets should suffice the happy couple until they return home,. Then, stimulated by the forepleasure of these previous non-lip kisses, the pair can indulge in all the variations listed in this booklet, to their hearts’ and their lips’ content. The while they recall, perhaps, those lines from Sir John Suckling’s “Ballad of a Wedding,” which went:
Quote:
Oh, they sudden up and rise and dance;
Then sit again, and sigh, and glance;
Then dance again, and kiss.
The Surprise Kiss
A most charming manner of kissing is called the “surprise kiss.” This is performed when one of the parties has fallen asleep, on the sofa, let us say. On entering the room, when the other sees his lover asleep, he should tip toe softly over to her. Then, lowering his head slowly, he should implant a soft, downy, feathery kiss squarely on her lips. This first kiss should be a very light one. But, thereafter, the intensity of the kisses should increase until the sleeping one has awakened. and, of course, even beyond that. The effect of such an awakening to a sleeper is almost heavenly. For, while in the midst of a dream, a pleasant one, most likely, for it will concern the other half of the couple, she feels vaguely, faintly, as though it were the touch of a butterfly’s wing, a subtle kiss on her lips. Naturally, in the depths of her sleep, she imagines that it is part of her dream and the result. is a pleasant sensation, indeed.
Then, gradually, athough still asleep, she feels the kisses continue. And the pleasantness continues. Then, as she starts to come out of her sleep, she realizes that the kisses are to real for a dream. But she is sure that she is dreaming. And so, immediately, a relapse from the happiness sets in and a twinge of sadness comes over her because she knows that’, instead of being with her lover, she is only dreaming of him. Imagine, then, her extreme gratification, when, while thinking these drab thoughts, she feels the actuality of an intense, ardent kiss on her lips. Her heart flutters wildly. Her pulse runs riot. Perhaps she is not asleep, she argues to herself. Then she opens her eyes. And she sees the darling face f her beloved bending over her. And she feels the sensuous touch of his lips on hers. Truly, no awakening can be more pleasurable!
Kissing Under The Mistletoe
Perhaps, in conclusion, it would be appropriate to make mention of a few kissing customs which have intrigued mankind. For instance, there is the rite of kissing under the mistletoe, at Christmas time. The origin of this custom is uncertain. Suffice it to say, it must have been started by some woman because, in, it, She rule is that if a woman is caught standing under a sprig of mistletoe, any man has the right to kiss her, peremptorily, without asking her permision or begging her pardon. Here is one time when social convention doses its eyes to lover’s delights. For, then, you can seize hold of the girl with impunity and smack her to your heart’s content without being socially ostracized for it.
Kissing Games
One wonders at the prevalence of kissing games in this civilization. Games on the order of “Postoffice,” “Kiss the Pillow” and innumerable others which have been devised for the jovial disports of lovers. In these games, because they are games, it is perfectly legitimate for two people to lass. In fact, in the game Postoffice” this kissing is encouraged behind closed doors where the happy couple are alone in a room. The game is so widespread that comment in regard to the manner in which it is played would be extraneous here. But, what would make an excellent topping off for this booklet, would be a conjecture as to the reason for the prevalence of such games, even during the. dreaded Victorian times , when etiquette was so strict that the dictum was made forbidding the placing of a book by a female author next to a book written by a man!
These kissing games existed and shall continue to exist because man and woman must kiss. In fact, man is the only animal who uses the kiss to express his love and affection. Dogs, cats and bears lick their offspring. Horses and cows rub noses and necks. Birds nestle together.
But, only mankind kisses.
Only mankind has the reason, the logic, the happy faculty of being able to appreciate the charm, the beauty, the extreme pleasure, the joy, the passionate fulfillment of the kiss! Nature kisses, in her way, but nature hasn’t the brains to profit from the kiss. Only man can do this.
Perhaps it would be appropriate to conclude this summary of the art of kissing with an excerpt from Shelley’s immortal poem in which occur the following lines:
Urinal Challenge
Urinal Challenge
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Take the first annual, Choose-A-Urinal Challenge! Men should ace this test (or suffer the wrath of men everywhere)... women are on their own. But, there IS a code of the rest room that MUST be followed. The, following is the urinal configuration in a sample men's room. An X above the number will indicate "in use."
(Sample)
X X
1 2 3 4 5 6
Indicates men are at stalls 3 and 6.
You mission is to identify correctly, based on proper urinal etiquette, the stall at which you should stand. Good luck!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Easy Section
1. Urinals 2 and 4 are occupied.
X X
1 2 3 4 5 6
Enter your choice here: __
The correct answer is 6. It's the ONLY one to go to and every guy instinctively knows this.
2. Urinal 1 is occupied.
X
1 2 3 4 5 6
Enter your choice here: __
The correct answer is 6. Stall 5 is acceptable, but you run a greater risk of being next to someone who arrives later.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Kind of Tricky Section
3. No urinals are occupied.
1 2 3 4 5 6
Enter your choice here: __
The correct answer is 1 or 6. By choosing one of these, you are tacitly saying, "I don't want anyone next to me."
4. Urinals 2, 4 and 6 are occupied.
X X X
1 2 3 4 5 6
Enter your choice here: __
The correct answer is 1. You're stuck being next to at least ONE guy, so you minimize the impact and get a wall on your left. NEVER go between TWO guys if you can help it. Exceptions to this are stadium rest rooms where the herd thunders in.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Subtle, Tricky, but Important to Know Section
5. Urinals 2, 5 and 6 are occupied.
X X X
1 2 3 4 5 6
Enter your choice here: __
The correct answer is 4. Believe it or not, 1 or 3 "couples" you with the guy in stall 2. And we wouldn't want THAT now, would we? This differs from question 4 in such a subtle way that the nuances cannot be explained. Suffice it to say, only we men would understand!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
VERY Tricky Indeed Section
6. Urinals 1, 2, 5 and 6 are occupied.
X X X X
1 2 3 4 5 6
Enter your choice here: __
The answer is NONE! You go to the mirror and pretend to comb your hair or straighten a tie until the urinals "open up" a bit more. If you have to go REAL, REAL BAD, for God's sake, man, use a stall with a door!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Other Parts of the Unwritten Code of the Urinals:
NO Talking, unless it's a good friend... but even then, keep it terse and unemotional. This ain't no clubhouse.
I don't think I need to tell you, but absolutely NO touching of anyone other than yourself. A touch of another's elbow is the highest offense.
NO Singing. Period.
Glances are for purposes of acknowledgment only..."Yeah, I see you there. I will not look again."
Who'd have thought SO much goes into a seemingly simple process?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Take the first annual, Choose-A-Urinal Challenge! Men should ace this test (or suffer the wrath of men everywhere)... women are on their own. But, there IS a code of the rest room that MUST be followed. The, following is the urinal configuration in a sample men's room. An X above the number will indicate "in use."
(Sample)
X X
1 2 3 4 5 6
Indicates men are at stalls 3 and 6.
You mission is to identify correctly, based on proper urinal etiquette, the stall at which you should stand. Good luck!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Easy Section
1. Urinals 2 and 4 are occupied.
X X
1 2 3 4 5 6
Enter your choice here: __
The correct answer is 6. It's the ONLY one to go to and every guy instinctively knows this.
2. Urinal 1 is occupied.
X
1 2 3 4 5 6
Enter your choice here: __
The correct answer is 6. Stall 5 is acceptable, but you run a greater risk of being next to someone who arrives later.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Kind of Tricky Section
3. No urinals are occupied.
1 2 3 4 5 6
Enter your choice here: __
The correct answer is 1 or 6. By choosing one of these, you are tacitly saying, "I don't want anyone next to me."
4. Urinals 2, 4 and 6 are occupied.
X X X
1 2 3 4 5 6
Enter your choice here: __
The correct answer is 1. You're stuck being next to at least ONE guy, so you minimize the impact and get a wall on your left. NEVER go between TWO guys if you can help it. Exceptions to this are stadium rest rooms where the herd thunders in.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Subtle, Tricky, but Important to Know Section
5. Urinals 2, 5 and 6 are occupied.
X X X
1 2 3 4 5 6
Enter your choice here: __
The correct answer is 4. Believe it or not, 1 or 3 "couples" you with the guy in stall 2. And we wouldn't want THAT now, would we? This differs from question 4 in such a subtle way that the nuances cannot be explained. Suffice it to say, only we men would understand!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
VERY Tricky Indeed Section
6. Urinals 1, 2, 5 and 6 are occupied.
X X X X
1 2 3 4 5 6
Enter your choice here: __
The answer is NONE! You go to the mirror and pretend to comb your hair or straighten a tie until the urinals "open up" a bit more. If you have to go REAL, REAL BAD, for God's sake, man, use a stall with a door!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Other Parts of the Unwritten Code of the Urinals:
NO Talking, unless it's a good friend... but even then, keep it terse and unemotional. This ain't no clubhouse.
I don't think I need to tell you, but absolutely NO touching of anyone other than yourself. A touch of another's elbow is the highest offense.
NO Singing. Period.
Glances are for purposes of acknowledgment only..."Yeah, I see you there. I will not look again."
Who'd have thought SO much goes into a seemingly simple process?
Definition of a Kiss
Definition of a kiss
Prof. of Economics
Kiss is that thing for which the demand is aways higher than the supply.
Prof. of Accountancy
Kiss is a credit because it is profitable when returned.
Prof. of Algebra
Kiss is infinity because two divided by nothing.
Prof. of Geometry
Kiss is the shortest distance between two lips.
Prof. of Physics
Kiss is the contraction of mouth due to the expansion of the heart.
Prof. of Chemistry
Kiss is the reaction of the interaction between two hearts.
Prof. of Physiology
Kiss is the juxtaposition of two orbicularisoris muscles in the state of contraction.
Prof. of Dentistry
Kiss is infectious and antiseptic.
Prof. of Philosophy
Kiss is the persecution for the child, ecstasy for the youth and homage for the old.
Prof. of Comp.Science
What is a kiss? It seems to be an undefined variable!
Prof. of English
Kiss is a noun that is used as a conjunction, it is more common than proper, it is spoken in the plural and it is applicable to all.
Prof. of Architecture
Kiss is a process which builds a solid bond between the two dynamic objects.
Prof. of Economics
Kiss is that thing for which the demand is aways higher than the supply.
Prof. of Accountancy
Kiss is a credit because it is profitable when returned.
Prof. of Algebra
Kiss is infinity because two divided by nothing.
Prof. of Geometry
Kiss is the shortest distance between two lips.
Prof. of Physics
Kiss is the contraction of mouth due to the expansion of the heart.
Prof. of Chemistry
Kiss is the reaction of the interaction between two hearts.
Prof. of Physiology
Kiss is the juxtaposition of two orbicularisoris muscles in the state of contraction.
Prof. of Dentistry
Kiss is infectious and antiseptic.
Prof. of Philosophy
Kiss is the persecution for the child, ecstasy for the youth and homage for the old.
Prof. of Comp.Science
What is a kiss? It seems to be an undefined variable!
Prof. of English
Kiss is a noun that is used as a conjunction, it is more common than proper, it is spoken in the plural and it is applicable to all.
Prof. of Architecture
Kiss is a process which builds a solid bond between the two dynamic objects.
Monday, March 17, 2008
Women Erogenous Zones
WOMAN/FEMALE Erogenous Zones
It is not fair when we only talking about men's erogenous zone.Let mens explore what they want and what thing can make women fly.Her Neck.Her neck must be one of the hottest spots on the female body. We at have never found a method more effective than hot passionate kisses on the neck to turn a good night kiss into an invitation for brunch. There are several things to keep in mind here … but most importantly, control yourself! Hickies may have been the big thing when you were younger, but most women hate them, especially when they have to wear turtlenecks for a week! If you must suck for blood, keep the hickies to places that are usually covered by clothes. Try to have a moist mouth, but don't slobber! Cover different areas of her neck with tender kisses, using the areas under/behind the ears for extra stimulation. Light nibbling and tugging usually work really well also. Start out soft and gentle as she gets into it, slowly go harder and wilder to light that fire of passion within her.
Her Ears
Bundles of nerve endings are in and around the ears, making them ultra-sensitive to your touch. Use the pads of your index finger and thumb to massage the outer ears with slow, firm movements. Gently squeeze the earlobes. Explore the area behind the ear with your lips and tongue, and then exhale deeply but gently while you keep nibbling. Don't be shy about making noise while you're lingering there, the sound of your breath and moans is a huge turn-on for most women. Make sure to remember there is a fine line between sensual ear play and "wet willies". Very few women enjoy having someone's tongue jammed down their ears!
Her Lips
The number one mistake guys (especially married or in long term relationships) make during making love? Not enough kissing. Women love to kiss, and many of them complain that guys just don't spend enough time on it. But don't just kiss more, also do it better. Try varying the intensity (kiss her softly, then more passionately, then slow it down again). When you're done with her lips, move on to her cheeks, eyelids, forehead, nose, neck, or earlobes (stressing neck and ears). Don't get dull doing the same thing over and over; make sure to mix up your style. If you generally move your hands all over her body when you kiss (which, by the way, is really good), try kissing her for several minutes without letting your hands roam (focus all you passion on the kiss), and let her indicate when she's ready to move on.
Her Scalp
You've noticed that a lot of women play with their hair? It's not just a nervous habit; they do it because it feels good. Chances are she's wishing you would play with it, too. The scalp can be very sensitive to stimulation, and since she's probably not expecting you to lavish any attention on it, surprise her. Having her hair brushed can be a very sensual experience. Or run your fingers through it as you're kissing her, or, simply caress her scalp gently with your hand. Get some bonus points for washing or blow-drying, just leave the actual styling to her - you'll never get that thing with her bangs to work out right. On the other hand, some women have phobias when it comes to having their head touched; start out slow so your partner has a chance to stop you if she is one of those.
Her Breasts
Breasts are familiar territory for most men and they're fun, so it's unlikely you'll shortchange them. The mistake you're more likely to make is giving them too much (or too vigorous) attention before she's ready. Over-stimulating the breast can be numbing or painful for women during some parts of their menstrual cycle. Try taking the less-is-more approach. Touch her breast softly, then lift your hand away for a moment, and then continue. That allows her to have the important moment of anticipation. Stick to indirect stimulation of the nipples until they become aroused (hard) and don't just focus on the bull's-eye; same concept as before - anticipation.
The entire breast is rich in nerve endings and all breasts have the same number of nerve endings. Thus, the woman with smaller breasts may experience increased sensations per touch. This results from a condensed amount of nerve endings. All breasts respond with time; lovers, go slow, take your time and slowly fondle the breast. Areas that are especially sensitive to touch include the nipple and the areola (the pinkish area that directly surrounds the nipple). One of the most sensitive spots, which is often ignored, is the underside of her breast. When kissing and touching her breasts, try starting around the outside and moving inward with slow circles. She may push your mouth or hand directly to her nipples, but don't let her do it, just continue moving slowly towards her nipple. Take your time; she is not going anywhere, so tease her. This whole process should take at least a few minutes. Next, wet the tip of your finger and lightly touch and roll her nipple around. Then, very lightly, using your fingertips, squeeze the nipple between them and when they are nice and hard, bring your mouth in. Note: some women enjoy nibbling and rougher play, while others are really sensitive and prefer light soft touching. Find out her preferences by asking or watching her reactions.
Her Perineum
The perineum is the area between the vagina and the anus, it is very sensitive for a lot of women and it often goes unexplored. It's made from tissue similar to the vaginal lips so there are a lot of nerve endings there. It also has an element of intimacy that might turn her on. Some girls are scared of or disgusted by anal play, so if this is the case, ease her mind by reassuring her that you are not going to do anything she is against. It's not a part of the body that's normally exposed, so she will feel like she's giving you special privileges, which can be exciting. This area is like any other area you first encounter that is sensitive, stick to a light touch at first and hold off until she's been aroused for some time. For a smoother experience, try using a little lubricant.
Her Clitoris
It is located at the top juncture of her inner vaginal lips, a small knob of pink flesh. Women like different amounts of direct stimulation on their clitoris. Some women will adore it if you suck hard on their exposed clitoris, others would shriek in pain. You may encounter a woman who is completely unable to take direct stimulation of her clit; the goal is still the same, but you'll have to stimulate it indirectly, such as through her labia. Often, what is unacceptably rough at first may be fine after she's very excited (i.e., very wet). The fact is, most women need a good bit of arousal before having their clitoris targeted, but once they have reached that point, that's where many women want you to devote your attention. Refer to the diagrams if you are unsure of where the clitoris is located.
Her Other Soft Spots
Here is where you can be really creative. Try tenderly kissing or caressing the backs of her knees, the insides of her arms, her inner thighs, or her palms. Women love to have these areas gently stroked, kissed, licked, or blown upon (be gentle on these areas, they are made of very soft tissue). Gentle stimulation is usually more arousing than pressure that's hard or rough. Catching her off guard can be half the fun. A lot of people don't realize that having a tongue going up their inner arm is going to be erotic. Again, we must stress that skin is the largest organ; there is lots to explore, so get at it!
Her Buttocks
Ready to get to the bottom of things? A lot of women like their buttocks attended to, and with more vigor than you might think. You can use pressure on a butt that you wouldn't use on a breast. It's not sensitive the way a nipple or a clitoris is so you can knead them and squeeze them. Many women are self conscious about their behinds, so spending time here will show her that you like it, and hopefully allow her to be more comfortable with herself and you.
The Small Of Her Back
Don't make the mistake of making her breasts the only stop on your way to the main event. That's what she's expecting. Surprise her by asking her to lie on her stomach and massage her lower back. Besides being rich in nerve endings, the small of the back has pressure points where stress can accumulate. A massage there might not turn her on in the same way that sucking on her nipple or rubbing her clitoris will, but it'll feel good and help release stress. What's more, it could even help with arousal, by increasing blood flow and engorgement in the pelvic area. Start by applying steady but moderate pressure with your fingertips and if she likes it, work up to a deeper massage. It never hurts to throw in a few kisses there as well. One technique we have learned usually works well with a massage is; while you are massaging her, take a minute or so to kiss her neck, then run your tongue very softly down her spine. After this you can continue with the massage or "go for lunch!"
Her Fingers and Toes
A little creativity can go a long way when making love is involved. Here's a tip: Try sucking on her fingers or toes during foreplay or intercourse. (Granted, unless you're a contortionist, the toe thing may be a bit rough during intercourse, but you can usually find her fingers.) They're a lot more sensitive than you might think and for whatever reason, a relatively large area in the brain receives sensation for them. Lightly kissing or passionately sucking them, especially combined with the sensations you're causing in her genitals, can be incredibly erotic.
It is not fair when we only talking about men's erogenous zone.Let mens explore what they want and what thing can make women fly.Her Neck.Her neck must be one of the hottest spots on the female body. We at have never found a method more effective than hot passionate kisses on the neck to turn a good night kiss into an invitation for brunch. There are several things to keep in mind here … but most importantly, control yourself! Hickies may have been the big thing when you were younger, but most women hate them, especially when they have to wear turtlenecks for a week! If you must suck for blood, keep the hickies to places that are usually covered by clothes. Try to have a moist mouth, but don't slobber! Cover different areas of her neck with tender kisses, using the areas under/behind the ears for extra stimulation. Light nibbling and tugging usually work really well also. Start out soft and gentle as she gets into it, slowly go harder and wilder to light that fire of passion within her.
Her Ears
Bundles of nerve endings are in and around the ears, making them ultra-sensitive to your touch. Use the pads of your index finger and thumb to massage the outer ears with slow, firm movements. Gently squeeze the earlobes. Explore the area behind the ear with your lips and tongue, and then exhale deeply but gently while you keep nibbling. Don't be shy about making noise while you're lingering there, the sound of your breath and moans is a huge turn-on for most women. Make sure to remember there is a fine line between sensual ear play and "wet willies". Very few women enjoy having someone's tongue jammed down their ears!
Her Lips
The number one mistake guys (especially married or in long term relationships) make during making love? Not enough kissing. Women love to kiss, and many of them complain that guys just don't spend enough time on it. But don't just kiss more, also do it better. Try varying the intensity (kiss her softly, then more passionately, then slow it down again). When you're done with her lips, move on to her cheeks, eyelids, forehead, nose, neck, or earlobes (stressing neck and ears). Don't get dull doing the same thing over and over; make sure to mix up your style. If you generally move your hands all over her body when you kiss (which, by the way, is really good), try kissing her for several minutes without letting your hands roam (focus all you passion on the kiss), and let her indicate when she's ready to move on.
Her Scalp
You've noticed that a lot of women play with their hair? It's not just a nervous habit; they do it because it feels good. Chances are she's wishing you would play with it, too. The scalp can be very sensitive to stimulation, and since she's probably not expecting you to lavish any attention on it, surprise her. Having her hair brushed can be a very sensual experience. Or run your fingers through it as you're kissing her, or, simply caress her scalp gently with your hand. Get some bonus points for washing or blow-drying, just leave the actual styling to her - you'll never get that thing with her bangs to work out right. On the other hand, some women have phobias when it comes to having their head touched; start out slow so your partner has a chance to stop you if she is one of those.
Her Breasts
Breasts are familiar territory for most men and they're fun, so it's unlikely you'll shortchange them. The mistake you're more likely to make is giving them too much (or too vigorous) attention before she's ready. Over-stimulating the breast can be numbing or painful for women during some parts of their menstrual cycle. Try taking the less-is-more approach. Touch her breast softly, then lift your hand away for a moment, and then continue. That allows her to have the important moment of anticipation. Stick to indirect stimulation of the nipples until they become aroused (hard) and don't just focus on the bull's-eye; same concept as before - anticipation.
The entire breast is rich in nerve endings and all breasts have the same number of nerve endings. Thus, the woman with smaller breasts may experience increased sensations per touch. This results from a condensed amount of nerve endings. All breasts respond with time; lovers, go slow, take your time and slowly fondle the breast. Areas that are especially sensitive to touch include the nipple and the areola (the pinkish area that directly surrounds the nipple). One of the most sensitive spots, which is often ignored, is the underside of her breast. When kissing and touching her breasts, try starting around the outside and moving inward with slow circles. She may push your mouth or hand directly to her nipples, but don't let her do it, just continue moving slowly towards her nipple. Take your time; she is not going anywhere, so tease her. This whole process should take at least a few minutes. Next, wet the tip of your finger and lightly touch and roll her nipple around. Then, very lightly, using your fingertips, squeeze the nipple between them and when they are nice and hard, bring your mouth in. Note: some women enjoy nibbling and rougher play, while others are really sensitive and prefer light soft touching. Find out her preferences by asking or watching her reactions.
Her Perineum
The perineum is the area between the vagina and the anus, it is very sensitive for a lot of women and it often goes unexplored. It's made from tissue similar to the vaginal lips so there are a lot of nerve endings there. It also has an element of intimacy that might turn her on. Some girls are scared of or disgusted by anal play, so if this is the case, ease her mind by reassuring her that you are not going to do anything she is against. It's not a part of the body that's normally exposed, so she will feel like she's giving you special privileges, which can be exciting. This area is like any other area you first encounter that is sensitive, stick to a light touch at first and hold off until she's been aroused for some time. For a smoother experience, try using a little lubricant.
Her Clitoris
It is located at the top juncture of her inner vaginal lips, a small knob of pink flesh. Women like different amounts of direct stimulation on their clitoris. Some women will adore it if you suck hard on their exposed clitoris, others would shriek in pain. You may encounter a woman who is completely unable to take direct stimulation of her clit; the goal is still the same, but you'll have to stimulate it indirectly, such as through her labia. Often, what is unacceptably rough at first may be fine after she's very excited (i.e., very wet). The fact is, most women need a good bit of arousal before having their clitoris targeted, but once they have reached that point, that's where many women want you to devote your attention. Refer to the diagrams if you are unsure of where the clitoris is located.
Her Other Soft Spots
Here is where you can be really creative. Try tenderly kissing or caressing the backs of her knees, the insides of her arms, her inner thighs, or her palms. Women love to have these areas gently stroked, kissed, licked, or blown upon (be gentle on these areas, they are made of very soft tissue). Gentle stimulation is usually more arousing than pressure that's hard or rough. Catching her off guard can be half the fun. A lot of people don't realize that having a tongue going up their inner arm is going to be erotic. Again, we must stress that skin is the largest organ; there is lots to explore, so get at it!
Her Buttocks
Ready to get to the bottom of things? A lot of women like their buttocks attended to, and with more vigor than you might think. You can use pressure on a butt that you wouldn't use on a breast. It's not sensitive the way a nipple or a clitoris is so you can knead them and squeeze them. Many women are self conscious about their behinds, so spending time here will show her that you like it, and hopefully allow her to be more comfortable with herself and you.
The Small Of Her Back
Don't make the mistake of making her breasts the only stop on your way to the main event. That's what she's expecting. Surprise her by asking her to lie on her stomach and massage her lower back. Besides being rich in nerve endings, the small of the back has pressure points where stress can accumulate. A massage there might not turn her on in the same way that sucking on her nipple or rubbing her clitoris will, but it'll feel good and help release stress. What's more, it could even help with arousal, by increasing blood flow and engorgement in the pelvic area. Start by applying steady but moderate pressure with your fingertips and if she likes it, work up to a deeper massage. It never hurts to throw in a few kisses there as well. One technique we have learned usually works well with a massage is; while you are massaging her, take a minute or so to kiss her neck, then run your tongue very softly down her spine. After this you can continue with the massage or "go for lunch!"
Her Fingers and Toes
A little creativity can go a long way when making love is involved. Here's a tip: Try sucking on her fingers or toes during foreplay or intercourse. (Granted, unless you're a contortionist, the toe thing may be a bit rough during intercourse, but you can usually find her fingers.) They're a lot more sensitive than you might think and for whatever reason, a relatively large area in the brain receives sensation for them. Lightly kissing or passionately sucking them, especially combined with the sensations you're causing in her genitals, can be incredibly erotic.
Thursday, March 6, 2008
10 worst baby names of 2007
10 Worst Baby Names of 2007
What were these parents thinking?
People like to get creative when it comes to selecting the perfect name for their new arrivals. But in the quest to be unique, some kids get stuck with monikers that do more than make them stand out in a crowd. Here's The Nest Baby's picks for the most questionable choices from the past year.
Ptolemy: The only other one we know of is an ancient Greek astronomer, mathematician, and man extraordinaire. Actress Gretchen Mol reached a little too far back in history for this Mediterranean-inspired choice. No one will be able to pronounce it, and what happens when the kid studies his namesake in school?
Magnus: Sounds too much like a prophylactic, volcanic matter, or a dated albeit then-popular Tom Selleck TV drama. Comic Kevin Nealon must be playing a joke on all of us with this choice.
E-: E...what? You'd think if you had to name your kid after a letter, Jay would be much better than this one, which was selected by parents in Washington. And while we're (grudgingly) willing to accept the use of apostrophes in baby names, we can't say the same for the hyphen. At least not when there isn't any more name to follow it.
Story: Actress Jenna Elfman's pick. It just doesn't make sense and certainly won't start a literary trend. Article, Essay, or Narrative, anyone? Every baby has a tale to tell, just not this way.
Ever: This is an adverb, not even an adjective or a noun, which do okay as names if you're in a pinch. It's going to get confusing when actress mom Milla Jovovich scolds the kid, "Ever, don't ever do that again!"
Heaven Rain: The only good news here: Brooke Burke's two older daughters are named Neriah and Sierra Sky. Though little Heaven's got a pretty lofty title to live up to, she'll fit right in at home.
Alabama: The trend of naming kids after locations obviously appealed to actress Drea De Matteo, but she's not even from the Southern state. We do hope she's going to be called Allie for short and turns out to be good at geography.
Princess: Every little girl is a princess to her parents, but it's a secret nickname. It's also a good name for a little fluffy white dog. Prince pulls off the male version because he's a rock star, but this baby, daughter of model Jordan, is set to be spoiled. (Don't get us started on Tiaamii, her middle name,...)
Evan: Don't go ballistic: Evan is a great name...for a boy. We know many wonderful Evans. But in this case, Napoleon Dynamite star Jon Heder bestowed it on his baby girl. Sorry, it's so not unisex.
Superman: No explanation necessary for why this New Zealand name made the list, but how about the story behind it? The parents' first choice was 4Real (as in, "when we saw him on the ultrasound, we realized he was for real"), but government officials didn't go for it. Mom and dad settled on Superman but insist they'll still refer to him as 4Real. Way to get the last word in.
What were these parents thinking?
People like to get creative when it comes to selecting the perfect name for their new arrivals. But in the quest to be unique, some kids get stuck with monikers that do more than make them stand out in a crowd. Here's The Nest Baby's picks for the most questionable choices from the past year.
Ptolemy: The only other one we know of is an ancient Greek astronomer, mathematician, and man extraordinaire. Actress Gretchen Mol reached a little too far back in history for this Mediterranean-inspired choice. No one will be able to pronounce it, and what happens when the kid studies his namesake in school?
Magnus: Sounds too much like a prophylactic, volcanic matter, or a dated albeit then-popular Tom Selleck TV drama. Comic Kevin Nealon must be playing a joke on all of us with this choice.
E-: E...what? You'd think if you had to name your kid after a letter, Jay would be much better than this one, which was selected by parents in Washington. And while we're (grudgingly) willing to accept the use of apostrophes in baby names, we can't say the same for the hyphen. At least not when there isn't any more name to follow it.
Story: Actress Jenna Elfman's pick. It just doesn't make sense and certainly won't start a literary trend. Article, Essay, or Narrative, anyone? Every baby has a tale to tell, just not this way.
Ever: This is an adverb, not even an adjective or a noun, which do okay as names if you're in a pinch. It's going to get confusing when actress mom Milla Jovovich scolds the kid, "Ever, don't ever do that again!"
Heaven Rain: The only good news here: Brooke Burke's two older daughters are named Neriah and Sierra Sky. Though little Heaven's got a pretty lofty title to live up to, she'll fit right in at home.
Alabama: The trend of naming kids after locations obviously appealed to actress Drea De Matteo, but she's not even from the Southern state. We do hope she's going to be called Allie for short and turns out to be good at geography.
Princess: Every little girl is a princess to her parents, but it's a secret nickname. It's also a good name for a little fluffy white dog. Prince pulls off the male version because he's a rock star, but this baby, daughter of model Jordan, is set to be spoiled. (Don't get us started on Tiaamii, her middle name,...)
Evan: Don't go ballistic: Evan is a great name...for a boy. We know many wonderful Evans. But in this case, Napoleon Dynamite star Jon Heder bestowed it on his baby girl. Sorry, it's so not unisex.
Superman: No explanation necessary for why this New Zealand name made the list, but how about the story behind it? The parents' first choice was 4Real (as in, "when we saw him on the ultrasound, we realized he was for real"), but government officials didn't go for it. Mom and dad settled on Superman but insist they'll still refer to him as 4Real. Way to get the last word in.
The secret Lives of Happy Couples
The Secret Lives of Happy Couples
By Analise Pendergast
We all know a couple like this: After years together they still hold hands, make each other laugh and blush, get along famously, and seem to enjoy a dynamite groove the rest of us envy. But what really goes on behind the scenes? Have these two soulmates actually found their perfect match in this big wide world, or are there secrets and strategies to making sure that romantic spirit continues to flourish over time?
In order to maintain the magic and sustain the spark, happy couples know they must:
Start solid. Remember that best friend you had when you were a kid? Whether blissfully playing side-by-side in the sandbox or building an awesome fort together, you two just grooved on being in each other's presence. Happy couples share that same serendipitous groove, if in the all-grown-up world. Romantic chemistry aside, they genuinely like each other as people and truly enjoy walking down the path of life hand-in-hand.
Keep it fresh. Routines and traditions can give a couple a comforting sense of predictability that's both grounding and reassuring. But surprises and adventures are also essential to really keeping that spark alive. Happy couples make a habit of shaking things up a bit by planning weekend getaways to undiscovered destinations, saving their pennies for a dream vacation, or launching fun and ambitious projects together. Having exciting things on the calendar to look forward to and sharing new adventures together reaffirms their connectedness and refuels the romance.
Clear the air. It's perfectly natural for any couple to encounter frustrations, disappointments, and miscommunications from time to time. But if grievances go unaired, they can pile up to a mountain of resentment and put the relationship at risk. Happy couples make sure they keep the communication open, and navigate those inevitable rough spots with honesty and mutual respect. If any issues should arise that seem too big or too complex to resolve between the two of them, they'll schedule some sessions with a couples therapist to help them safely weather the storm.
Have a life. A healthy relationship consists of two individuals who each maintain a strong sense of themselves and take a genuine interest in the other. One may decide to go back to school to pursue a higher degree, while the other may get involved in a volunteer project or a photography workshop. Maintaining individual identities and pursuing individual interests ensures that there'll always be new things to share and to learn about each other.
Tune it up. Whether it be once a month or once a year, a regularly scheduled sit-down can allow for some essential upkeep and maintenance of a healthy relationship. Happy couples may agree to a periodic summit meeting to check in with one another about the overall well-being of their partnership. They may discuss what they've been appreciating about one another, what dynamics could use some tweaking, and what is on the horizon for their future as a couple. A little preventative TLC from time to time helps keep those relationship engines running smoothly.
By Analise Pendergast
We all know a couple like this: After years together they still hold hands, make each other laugh and blush, get along famously, and seem to enjoy a dynamite groove the rest of us envy. But what really goes on behind the scenes? Have these two soulmates actually found their perfect match in this big wide world, or are there secrets and strategies to making sure that romantic spirit continues to flourish over time?
In order to maintain the magic and sustain the spark, happy couples know they must:
Start solid. Remember that best friend you had when you were a kid? Whether blissfully playing side-by-side in the sandbox or building an awesome fort together, you two just grooved on being in each other's presence. Happy couples share that same serendipitous groove, if in the all-grown-up world. Romantic chemistry aside, they genuinely like each other as people and truly enjoy walking down the path of life hand-in-hand.
Keep it fresh. Routines and traditions can give a couple a comforting sense of predictability that's both grounding and reassuring. But surprises and adventures are also essential to really keeping that spark alive. Happy couples make a habit of shaking things up a bit by planning weekend getaways to undiscovered destinations, saving their pennies for a dream vacation, or launching fun and ambitious projects together. Having exciting things on the calendar to look forward to and sharing new adventures together reaffirms their connectedness and refuels the romance.
Clear the air. It's perfectly natural for any couple to encounter frustrations, disappointments, and miscommunications from time to time. But if grievances go unaired, they can pile up to a mountain of resentment and put the relationship at risk. Happy couples make sure they keep the communication open, and navigate those inevitable rough spots with honesty and mutual respect. If any issues should arise that seem too big or too complex to resolve between the two of them, they'll schedule some sessions with a couples therapist to help them safely weather the storm.
Have a life. A healthy relationship consists of two individuals who each maintain a strong sense of themselves and take a genuine interest in the other. One may decide to go back to school to pursue a higher degree, while the other may get involved in a volunteer project or a photography workshop. Maintaining individual identities and pursuing individual interests ensures that there'll always be new things to share and to learn about each other.
Tune it up. Whether it be once a month or once a year, a regularly scheduled sit-down can allow for some essential upkeep and maintenance of a healthy relationship. Happy couples may agree to a periodic summit meeting to check in with one another about the overall well-being of their partnership. They may discuss what they've been appreciating about one another, what dynamics could use some tweaking, and what is on the horizon for their future as a couple. A little preventative TLC from time to time helps keep those relationship engines running smoothly.
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