11 Things Guys Don't Understand About Women Sex, Love & Life: glamour.com
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Thursday, September 24, 2009
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
13 Things Not to Share with Your Co-worker
It’s happened to everyone before. The constant flow of words that just keep coming, long after you’ve made your point (if there ever was one) and even longer after people stopped caring. The kind of gibberish that just won’t stop unless someone else starts talking. The type of chatter that inevitably ends with you wishing you’d put a sock in it.
Yes, verbal diarrhea is never a good thing – but it can be worse in some places more than others.
Like the workplace.
There are certain things co-workers need not know about each other – your baby-making plans and stomach issues, for example – but some folks just can’t seem to keep their mouths shut.
Some people talk to hear the sound of their own voice; others share because they don’t really have a life and, by revealing details you’d rather not know, they create the illusion of one, says Linda Lopeke, a career advancement expert and creator of SmartStart Virtual Mentoring Programs. “Then there is the person who believes gossip, even about them, creates instant emotional intimacy. It doesn’t.”
Walk the line
Because people spend more time at the office with co-workers than anywhere (or anyone) else, some workers have trouble drawing the line between business and friendship, says Susan Solovic, co-founder and CEO of SBTV.com, and author of three books, including “Reinvent Your Career: Attain the Success You Desire and Deserve.”
“It’s a social environment as well as a work environment. However, you must remember while you can be friendly and develop a good rapport, business is business and friendship is friendship.”
Most workers don’t realize that what they say has as much impact on their professional images as what they wear, Lopeke says. People who say too much, about themselves or others, can be seen as incompetent, unproductive and unworthy of professional development.
To avoid your next case of verbal diarrhea, here are 13 things to never share or discuss with your co-workers.
1. Salary information
What you earn is between you and Human Resources, Solovic says. Disclosure indicates you aren’t capable of keeping a confidence.
2. Medical history
“Nobody really cares about your aches and pains, your latest operation, your infertility woes or the contents of your medicine cabinet,” Lopeke says. To your employer, your constant medical issues make you seem like an expensive, high-risk employee.
3. Gossip
Whomever you’re gossiping with will undoubtedly tell others what you said, Solovic says. Plus, if a co-worker is gossiping with you, most likely he or she will gossip about you.
4. Work complaints
Constant complaints about your workload, stress levels or the company will quickly make you the kind of person who never gets invited to lunch, Solovic warns. If you don’t agree with company policies and procedures, address it through official channels or move on.
5. Cost of purchases
The spirit of keeping up with the Joneses is alive and well in the workplace, Lopeke says, but you don’t want others speculating on the lifestyle you’re living –or if you’re living beyond your salary bracket.
6. Intimate details
Don’t share intimate details about your personal life. Co-workers can and will use the information against you, Solovic says.
7. Politics or religion
“People have strong, passionate views on both topics,” Solovic says. You may alienate a co-worker or be viewed negatively in a way that could impact your career.
8. Lifestyle changes
Breakups, divorces and baby-making plans should be shared only if there is a need to know, Lopeke says. Otherwise, others will speak for your capabilities, desires and limitations on availability, whether there is any truth to their assumptions or not.
9. Blogs or social networking profile
What you say in a social networking community or in your personal blog may be even more damaging than what you say in person, Solovic warns. “Comments online can be seen by multiple eyes. An outburst of anger when you are having a bad day … can blow up in your face.”
10. Negative views of colleagues
If you don’t agree with a co-worker’s lifestyle, wardrobe or professional abilities, confront that person privately or keep it to yourself, Lopeke says. The workplace is not the venue for controversy.
11. Hangovers and wild weekends
It’s perfectly fine to have fun during the weekend, but don’t talk about your wild adventures on Monday, Solovic advises. That information can make you look unprofessional and unreliable.
12. Personal problems and relationships – in and out of the office
“Failed marriages and volatile romances spell instability to an employer,” Lopeke says. Office romances lead to gossip and broken hearts, so it’s best to steer clear. “The safest way to play is to follow the rule, ‘Never get your honey where you get your money.’”
13. Off-color or racially charged comments
You can assume your co-worker wouldn’t be offended or would think something is funny, but you might be wrong, Solovic says. Never take that risk. Furthermore, even if you know for certain your colleague wouldn’t mind your comment, don’t talk about it at work. Others can easily overhear.
Rachel Zupek is a writer and blogger for CareerBuilder.com. She researches and writes about job search strategy, career management, hiring trends and workplace issues.
Yes, verbal diarrhea is never a good thing – but it can be worse in some places more than others.
Like the workplace.
There are certain things co-workers need not know about each other – your baby-making plans and stomach issues, for example – but some folks just can’t seem to keep their mouths shut.
Some people talk to hear the sound of their own voice; others share because they don’t really have a life and, by revealing details you’d rather not know, they create the illusion of one, says Linda Lopeke, a career advancement expert and creator of SmartStart Virtual Mentoring Programs. “Then there is the person who believes gossip, even about them, creates instant emotional intimacy. It doesn’t.”
Walk the line
Because people spend more time at the office with co-workers than anywhere (or anyone) else, some workers have trouble drawing the line between business and friendship, says Susan Solovic, co-founder and CEO of SBTV.com, and author of three books, including “Reinvent Your Career: Attain the Success You Desire and Deserve.”
“It’s a social environment as well as a work environment. However, you must remember while you can be friendly and develop a good rapport, business is business and friendship is friendship.”
Most workers don’t realize that what they say has as much impact on their professional images as what they wear, Lopeke says. People who say too much, about themselves or others, can be seen as incompetent, unproductive and unworthy of professional development.
To avoid your next case of verbal diarrhea, here are 13 things to never share or discuss with your co-workers.
1. Salary information
What you earn is between you and Human Resources, Solovic says. Disclosure indicates you aren’t capable of keeping a confidence.
2. Medical history
“Nobody really cares about your aches and pains, your latest operation, your infertility woes or the contents of your medicine cabinet,” Lopeke says. To your employer, your constant medical issues make you seem like an expensive, high-risk employee.
3. Gossip
Whomever you’re gossiping with will undoubtedly tell others what you said, Solovic says. Plus, if a co-worker is gossiping with you, most likely he or she will gossip about you.
4. Work complaints
Constant complaints about your workload, stress levels or the company will quickly make you the kind of person who never gets invited to lunch, Solovic warns. If you don’t agree with company policies and procedures, address it through official channels or move on.
5. Cost of purchases
The spirit of keeping up with the Joneses is alive and well in the workplace, Lopeke says, but you don’t want others speculating on the lifestyle you’re living –or if you’re living beyond your salary bracket.
6. Intimate details
Don’t share intimate details about your personal life. Co-workers can and will use the information against you, Solovic says.
7. Politics or religion
“People have strong, passionate views on both topics,” Solovic says. You may alienate a co-worker or be viewed negatively in a way that could impact your career.
8. Lifestyle changes
Breakups, divorces and baby-making plans should be shared only if there is a need to know, Lopeke says. Otherwise, others will speak for your capabilities, desires and limitations on availability, whether there is any truth to their assumptions or not.
9. Blogs or social networking profile
What you say in a social networking community or in your personal blog may be even more damaging than what you say in person, Solovic warns. “Comments online can be seen by multiple eyes. An outburst of anger when you are having a bad day … can blow up in your face.”
10. Negative views of colleagues
If you don’t agree with a co-worker’s lifestyle, wardrobe or professional abilities, confront that person privately or keep it to yourself, Lopeke says. The workplace is not the venue for controversy.
11. Hangovers and wild weekends
It’s perfectly fine to have fun during the weekend, but don’t talk about your wild adventures on Monday, Solovic advises. That information can make you look unprofessional and unreliable.
12. Personal problems and relationships – in and out of the office
“Failed marriages and volatile romances spell instability to an employer,” Lopeke says. Office romances lead to gossip and broken hearts, so it’s best to steer clear. “The safest way to play is to follow the rule, ‘Never get your honey where you get your money.’”
13. Off-color or racially charged comments
You can assume your co-worker wouldn’t be offended or would think something is funny, but you might be wrong, Solovic says. Never take that risk. Furthermore, even if you know for certain your colleague wouldn’t mind your comment, don’t talk about it at work. Others can easily overhear.
Rachel Zupek is a writer and blogger for CareerBuilder.com. She researches and writes about job search strategy, career management, hiring trends and workplace issues.
Sunday, April 5, 2009
Why Women are leaving Men for Other Women
Cynthia Nixon did it. Lindsay Lohan's doing it. TV shows are based on it. Is it our imaginations, or are wives and girlfriends ditching their men and falling in love with other women? New science says that sexuality is more fluid than we thought.
Updated "American Gothic" painting featuring two women\\Photo courtesy of O, The Oprah Magazine © 2009
Lately, a new kind of sisterly love seems to be in the air. In the past few years, Sex and the City's Cynthia Nixon left a boyfriend after a decade and a half and started dating a woman (and talked openly about it). Actress Lindsay Lohan and DJ Samantha Ronson flaunted their relationship from New York to Dubai. Katy Perry's song "I Kissed a Girl" topped the charts. The L Word, Work Out, and Top Chef are featuring gay women on TV, and there's even talk of a lesbian reality show in the works. Certainly nothing is new about women having sex with women, but we've arrived at a moment in the popular culture when it all suddenly seems almost fashionable — or at least, acceptable.
Statistics on how many women have traded boyfriends and husbands for girlfriends are hard to come by. Although the U.S. Census Bureau keeps track of married, divorced, single, and even same-sex partners living together, it doesn't look for the stories behind those numbers. But experts like Binnie Klein, a Connecticut- based psychotherapist and lecturer in Yale's department of psychiatry, agree that alternative relationships are on the rise. "It's clear that a change in sexual orientation is imaginable to more people than ever before, and there's more opportunity — and acceptance — to cross over the line," says Klein, noting that a half-dozen of her married female patients in the past few years have fallen in love with women. "Most are afraid that if they don't go for it, they'll end up with regrets."
Feminist philosopher Susan Bordo, Ph.D., a professor of English and gender and women's studies at the University of Kentucky and author of Unbearable Weight: Feminism, Western Culture, and the Body, also agrees that in the current environment, more women may be stepping out of the conventional gender box. "When a taboo is lifted or diminished, it's going to leave people freer to pursue things," she says. "So it makes sense that we would see women, for all sorts of reasons, walking through that door now that the culture has cracked it open. Of course, we shouldn't imagine that we're living in a world where all sexual choices are possible. Just look at the cast of The L Word and it's clear that only a certain kind of lesbian — slim and elegant or butch in just the right androgynous way — is acceptable to mainstream culture."
That said, of the recent high-profile cases, it's Cynthia Nixon's down-to-earth attitude that may have blazed a trail for many women. In 1998, when Sex and the City debuted on HBO, she was settled in a long-term relationship with Danny Mozes, an English professor, with whom she had two children. They hadn't gotten married: "I was wary of it and felt like it was potentially a trap, so I steered clear of it," Nixon said in an interview with London's Daily Mirror. In 2004, after ending her 15-year relationship with Mozes, Nixon began seeing Christine Marinoni, at the time a public school advocate whom she'd met while working on a campaign to reduce class sizes in New York City. Marinoni was a great support when the actress was diagnosed with breast cancer. Far from hiding the relationship, Nixon has spoken freely in TV and newspaper interviews about it not being a big deal. "I have been with men all my life and had never met a woman I had fallen in love with before," she told the Daily Mirror. "But when I did, it didn't seem so strange. It didn't change who I am. I'm just a woman who fell in love with a woman."
Over the past several decades, scientists have struggled in fits and starts to get a handle on sexual orientation. Born or bred? Can it change during one's lifetime? A handful of studies in the 1990s, most of them focused on men, suggested that homosexuality is hardwired. In one study, researchers linked DNA markers in the Xq28 region of the X chromosome to gay males. But a subsequent larger study failed to replicate the results, leaving the American Academy of Pediatrics and the American Psychological Association to speculate that sexual orientation probably has multiple causes, including environmental, cognitive, and biological factors.
Today, however, a new line of research is beginning to approach sexual orientation as much less fixed than previously thought, especially when it comes to women. The idea that human sexuality forms a continuum has been around since 1948, when Alfred Kinsey introduced his famous seven-point scale, with 0 representing complete heterosexuality, 7 signifying complete homosexuality, and bisexuality in the middle, where many of the men and women he interviewed fell. The new buzz phrase coming out of contemporary studies is "sexual fluidity."
"People always ask me if this research means everyone is bisexual. No, it doesn't," says Lisa Diamond, Ph.D., associate professor of psychology and gender studies at the University of Utah and author of the 2008 book Sexual Fluidity: Understanding Women's Love and Desire. "Fluidity represents a capacity to respond erotically in unexpected ways due to particular situations or relationships. It doesn't appear to be something a woman can control." Furthermore, studies indicate that it's more prevalent in women than in men, according to Bonnie Zylbergold, assistant editor of American Sexuality, an online magazine.
In a 2004 landmark study at Northwestern University, the results were eye-opening. During the experiment, the female subjects became sexually aroused when they viewed heterosexual as well as lesbian erotic films. This was true for both gay and straight women. Among the male subjects, however, the straight men were turned on only by erotic films with women, the gay ones by those with men. "We found that women's sexual desire is less rigidly directed toward a particular sex, as compared with men's, and it's more changeable over time," says the study's senior researcher, J. Michael Bailey, Ph.D. "These findings likely represent a fundamental difference between men's and women's brains."
This idea, that the libido can wander back and forth between genders, Diamond admits, may be threatening and confusing to those with conventional beliefs about sexual orientation. But when the women she's interviewed explain their feelings, it doesn't sound so wild. Many of them say, for example, they are attracted to the person, and not the gender — moved by traits like kindness, intelligence, and humor, which could apply to a man or a woman. Most of all, they long for an emotional connection. And if that comes by way of a female instead of a male, the thrill may override whatever heterosexual orientation they had.
Updated "American Gothic" painting featuring two women\\Photo courtesy of O, The Oprah Magazine © 2009
Lately, a new kind of sisterly love seems to be in the air. In the past few years, Sex and the City's Cynthia Nixon left a boyfriend after a decade and a half and started dating a woman (and talked openly about it). Actress Lindsay Lohan and DJ Samantha Ronson flaunted their relationship from New York to Dubai. Katy Perry's song "I Kissed a Girl" topped the charts. The L Word, Work Out, and Top Chef are featuring gay women on TV, and there's even talk of a lesbian reality show in the works. Certainly nothing is new about women having sex with women, but we've arrived at a moment in the popular culture when it all suddenly seems almost fashionable — or at least, acceptable.
Statistics on how many women have traded boyfriends and husbands for girlfriends are hard to come by. Although the U.S. Census Bureau keeps track of married, divorced, single, and even same-sex partners living together, it doesn't look for the stories behind those numbers. But experts like Binnie Klein, a Connecticut- based psychotherapist and lecturer in Yale's department of psychiatry, agree that alternative relationships are on the rise. "It's clear that a change in sexual orientation is imaginable to more people than ever before, and there's more opportunity — and acceptance — to cross over the line," says Klein, noting that a half-dozen of her married female patients in the past few years have fallen in love with women. "Most are afraid that if they don't go for it, they'll end up with regrets."
Feminist philosopher Susan Bordo, Ph.D., a professor of English and gender and women's studies at the University of Kentucky and author of Unbearable Weight: Feminism, Western Culture, and the Body, also agrees that in the current environment, more women may be stepping out of the conventional gender box. "When a taboo is lifted or diminished, it's going to leave people freer to pursue things," she says. "So it makes sense that we would see women, for all sorts of reasons, walking through that door now that the culture has cracked it open. Of course, we shouldn't imagine that we're living in a world where all sexual choices are possible. Just look at the cast of The L Word and it's clear that only a certain kind of lesbian — slim and elegant or butch in just the right androgynous way — is acceptable to mainstream culture."
That said, of the recent high-profile cases, it's Cynthia Nixon's down-to-earth attitude that may have blazed a trail for many women. In 1998, when Sex and the City debuted on HBO, she was settled in a long-term relationship with Danny Mozes, an English professor, with whom she had two children. They hadn't gotten married: "I was wary of it and felt like it was potentially a trap, so I steered clear of it," Nixon said in an interview with London's Daily Mirror. In 2004, after ending her 15-year relationship with Mozes, Nixon began seeing Christine Marinoni, at the time a public school advocate whom she'd met while working on a campaign to reduce class sizes in New York City. Marinoni was a great support when the actress was diagnosed with breast cancer. Far from hiding the relationship, Nixon has spoken freely in TV and newspaper interviews about it not being a big deal. "I have been with men all my life and had never met a woman I had fallen in love with before," she told the Daily Mirror. "But when I did, it didn't seem so strange. It didn't change who I am. I'm just a woman who fell in love with a woman."
Over the past several decades, scientists have struggled in fits and starts to get a handle on sexual orientation. Born or bred? Can it change during one's lifetime? A handful of studies in the 1990s, most of them focused on men, suggested that homosexuality is hardwired. In one study, researchers linked DNA markers in the Xq28 region of the X chromosome to gay males. But a subsequent larger study failed to replicate the results, leaving the American Academy of Pediatrics and the American Psychological Association to speculate that sexual orientation probably has multiple causes, including environmental, cognitive, and biological factors.
Today, however, a new line of research is beginning to approach sexual orientation as much less fixed than previously thought, especially when it comes to women. The idea that human sexuality forms a continuum has been around since 1948, when Alfred Kinsey introduced his famous seven-point scale, with 0 representing complete heterosexuality, 7 signifying complete homosexuality, and bisexuality in the middle, where many of the men and women he interviewed fell. The new buzz phrase coming out of contemporary studies is "sexual fluidity."
"People always ask me if this research means everyone is bisexual. No, it doesn't," says Lisa Diamond, Ph.D., associate professor of psychology and gender studies at the University of Utah and author of the 2008 book Sexual Fluidity: Understanding Women's Love and Desire. "Fluidity represents a capacity to respond erotically in unexpected ways due to particular situations or relationships. It doesn't appear to be something a woman can control." Furthermore, studies indicate that it's more prevalent in women than in men, according to Bonnie Zylbergold, assistant editor of American Sexuality, an online magazine.
In a 2004 landmark study at Northwestern University, the results were eye-opening. During the experiment, the female subjects became sexually aroused when they viewed heterosexual as well as lesbian erotic films. This was true for both gay and straight women. Among the male subjects, however, the straight men were turned on only by erotic films with women, the gay ones by those with men. "We found that women's sexual desire is less rigidly directed toward a particular sex, as compared with men's, and it's more changeable over time," says the study's senior researcher, J. Michael Bailey, Ph.D. "These findings likely represent a fundamental difference between men's and women's brains."
This idea, that the libido can wander back and forth between genders, Diamond admits, may be threatening and confusing to those with conventional beliefs about sexual orientation. But when the women she's interviewed explain their feelings, it doesn't sound so wild. Many of them say, for example, they are attracted to the person, and not the gender — moved by traits like kindness, intelligence, and humor, which could apply to a man or a woman. Most of all, they long for an emotional connection. And if that comes by way of a female instead of a male, the thrill may override whatever heterosexual orientation they had.
Monday, March 16, 2009
Sex during Pregnancy
Sex during pregnancy: Should you?
Is sex during pregnancy safe?
While pregnancy is the beginning of many physical and emotional changes, you will be pleased to know that, unless you have been advised otherwise for medical reasons, it is safe to have sex while pregnant. In fact, you may find sex is better than ever.
Throughout your pregnancy it's normal for your desire for sex to change. During the first trimester, you may experience the common symptoms of tiredness and nausea, both of which can lessen sexual interest. The good news is that this will probably be followed by renewed interest in the second trimester, with the return of feelings of well-being, energy, vitality and libido! Bear in mind though, that towards the end of your pregnancy, interest may wane again due to increased size and a general lack of desire.
Is it safe to have sex during pregnancy?
YES! Unless there is any medical reason to prevent it. In fact, during pregnancy, your body contains higher levels of hormones. These hormones cause physical changes, which in turn can create a heightened feeling of sensuality. Sex during pregnancy can be more stimulating and satisfying than ever, with some women experiencing orgasm or multiple orgasms for the first time.
In addition, your partner will probably enjoy the fact that you are experiencing feelings of enhanced sensuality, and may also find your new shape and extra curves quite sensual as well.
What physical and sexual changes occur?
During pregnancy, progesterone and oestrogen generally create a feeling of well-being and contentment, and can result in a glowing complexion, supple skin and healthy, shiny hair. These general physical changes are accompanied by more specific changes that can result in a fantastic physical relationship during pregnancy.
Increased oestrogen levels lead to an increase of blood flow in the pelvic area, causing the swelling that usually occurs when a woman is sexually aroused. Also, the nipples become darker (which can be attractive to your partner) and the breasts become larger, more sensitive and capable of feeling extreme sensation when touched or kissed. With all these nerve endings feeling super-sensitive, arousal is quicker and sensations are more intense and lasting, including orgasm.
When can we have sex?
Anytime - as long as there are no medical reasons preventing it and providing you're not too vigourous. There is no reason for you to stop making love during pregnancy unless, of course, your labour starts!
What are the best lovemaking positions during pregnancy?
Whatever is comfortable for both of you. At some point, the missionary position will become uncomfortable, so you will need to experiment with rear-entry, side-by-side and sitting positions. Don't forget sensual or erotic massage and oral sex too.
What are the benefits of continuing sex during pregnancy?
- Physical and emotional bonding between you and your partner - this is important, as you are about to embark on a new journey together as parents. The closer you are the easier it will be.
- Preparation of the pelvic muscles for childbirth - sex will help to keep your pelvic muscles toned and strong for the extreme physical experience ahead.
- Enjoyment! Being pregnant is a new experience and there's no reason why it can't be a new sensual experience too.
What if sex isn't enjoyable?
There are many physical and emotional changes during pregnancy. While some sexual relationships may improve during pregnancy, others may stagnate or suffer.The best approach is to be open with one another about your feelings, needs and expectations.
This may be an ideal opportunity to build on your sexual relationship, explore each other and find new ways of giving each other pleasure. The best way to overcome any difficulties is to spend time talking. Try to build security and a feeling of closeness by focusing on your love for each other rather than just your sex life (or lack of it!). Chances are if you feel intimate and close, more intimate and satisfying lovemaking will follow.
It might be a good time to indulge in a loving, sensual and erotic massage to set the mood!
Is sex during pregnancy safe?
While pregnancy is the beginning of many physical and emotional changes, you will be pleased to know that, unless you have been advised otherwise for medical reasons, it is safe to have sex while pregnant. In fact, you may find sex is better than ever.
Throughout your pregnancy it's normal for your desire for sex to change. During the first trimester, you may experience the common symptoms of tiredness and nausea, both of which can lessen sexual interest. The good news is that this will probably be followed by renewed interest in the second trimester, with the return of feelings of well-being, energy, vitality and libido! Bear in mind though, that towards the end of your pregnancy, interest may wane again due to increased size and a general lack of desire.
Is it safe to have sex during pregnancy?
YES! Unless there is any medical reason to prevent it. In fact, during pregnancy, your body contains higher levels of hormones. These hormones cause physical changes, which in turn can create a heightened feeling of sensuality. Sex during pregnancy can be more stimulating and satisfying than ever, with some women experiencing orgasm or multiple orgasms for the first time.
In addition, your partner will probably enjoy the fact that you are experiencing feelings of enhanced sensuality, and may also find your new shape and extra curves quite sensual as well.
What physical and sexual changes occur?
During pregnancy, progesterone and oestrogen generally create a feeling of well-being and contentment, and can result in a glowing complexion, supple skin and healthy, shiny hair. These general physical changes are accompanied by more specific changes that can result in a fantastic physical relationship during pregnancy.
Increased oestrogen levels lead to an increase of blood flow in the pelvic area, causing the swelling that usually occurs when a woman is sexually aroused. Also, the nipples become darker (which can be attractive to your partner) and the breasts become larger, more sensitive and capable of feeling extreme sensation when touched or kissed. With all these nerve endings feeling super-sensitive, arousal is quicker and sensations are more intense and lasting, including orgasm.
When can we have sex?
Anytime - as long as there are no medical reasons preventing it and providing you're not too vigourous. There is no reason for you to stop making love during pregnancy unless, of course, your labour starts!
What are the best lovemaking positions during pregnancy?
Whatever is comfortable for both of you. At some point, the missionary position will become uncomfortable, so you will need to experiment with rear-entry, side-by-side and sitting positions. Don't forget sensual or erotic massage and oral sex too.
What are the benefits of continuing sex during pregnancy?
- Physical and emotional bonding between you and your partner - this is important, as you are about to embark on a new journey together as parents. The closer you are the easier it will be.
- Preparation of the pelvic muscles for childbirth - sex will help to keep your pelvic muscles toned and strong for the extreme physical experience ahead.
- Enjoyment! Being pregnant is a new experience and there's no reason why it can't be a new sensual experience too.
What if sex isn't enjoyable?
There are many physical and emotional changes during pregnancy. While some sexual relationships may improve during pregnancy, others may stagnate or suffer.The best approach is to be open with one another about your feelings, needs and expectations.
This may be an ideal opportunity to build on your sexual relationship, explore each other and find new ways of giving each other pleasure. The best way to overcome any difficulties is to spend time talking. Try to build security and a feeling of closeness by focusing on your love for each other rather than just your sex life (or lack of it!). Chances are if you feel intimate and close, more intimate and satisfying lovemaking will follow.
It might be a good time to indulge in a loving, sensual and erotic massage to set the mood!
Sex during Pregnancy
Sex during pregnancy: Should you?
June 6, 2008
Is sex during pregnancy safe?
While pregnancy is the beginning of many physical and emotional changes, you will be pleased to know that, unless you have been advised otherwise for medical reasons, it is safe to have sex while pregnant. In fact, you may find sex is better than ever.
Throughout your pregnancy it's normal for your desire for sex to change. During the first trimester, you may experience the common symptoms of tiredness and nausea, both of which can lessen sexual interest. The good news is that this will probably be followed by renewed interest in the second trimester, with the return of feelings of well-being, energy, vitality and libido! Bear in mind though, that towards the end of your pregnancy, interest may wane again due to increased size and a general lack of desire.
Is it safe to have sex during pregnancy?
YES! Unless there is any medical reason to prevent it. In fact, during pregnancy, your body contains higher levels of hormones. These hormones cause physical changes, which in turn can create a heightened feeling of sensuality. Sex during pregnancy can be more stimulating and satisfying than ever, with some women experiencing orgasm or multiple orgasms for the first time.
In addition, your partner will probably enjoy the fact that you are experiencing feelings of enhanced sensuality, and may also find your new shape and extra curves quite sensual as well.
What physical and sexual changes occur?
During pregnancy, progesterone and oestrogen generally create a feeling of well-being and contentment, and can result in a glowing complexion, supple skin and healthy, shiny hair. These general physical changes are accompanied by more specific changes that can result in a fantastic physical relationship during pregnancy.
Increased oestrogen levels lead to an increase of blood flow in the pelvic area, causing the swelling that usually occurs when a woman is sexually aroused. Also, the nipples become darker (which can be attractive to your partner) and the breasts become larger, more sensitive and capable of feeling extreme sensation when touched or kissed. With all these nerve endings feeling super-sensitive, arousal is quicker and sensations are more intense and lasting, including orgasm.
When can we have sex?
Anytime - as long as there are no medical reasons preventing it and providing you're not too vigourous. There is no reason for you to stop making love during pregnancy unless, of course, your labour starts!
What are the best lovemaking positions during pregnancy?
Whatever is comfortable for both of you. At some point, the missionary position will become uncomfortable, so you will need to experiment with rear-entry, side-by-side and sitting positions. Don't forget sensual or erotic massage and oral sex too.
What are the benefits of continuing sex during pregnancy?
- Physical and emotional bonding between you and your partner - this is important, as you are about to embark on a new journey together as parents. The closer you are the easier it will be.
- Preparation of the pelvic muscles for childbirth - sex will help to keep your pelvic muscles toned and strong for the extreme physical experience ahead.
- Enjoyment! Being pregnant is a new experience and there's no reason why it can't be a new sensual experience too.
What if sex isn't enjoyable?
There are many physical and emotional changes during pregnancy. While some sexual relationships may improve during pregnancy, others may stagnate or suffer.The best approach is to be open with one another about your feelings, needs and expectations.
This may be an ideal opportunity to build on your sexual relationship, explore each other and find new ways of giving each other pleasure. The best way to overcome any difficulties is to spend time talking. Try to build security and a feeling of closeness by focusing on your love for each other rather than just your sex life (or lack of it!). Chances are if you feel intimate and close, more intimate and satisfying lovemaking will follow.
It might be a good time to indulge in a loving, sensual and erotic massage to set the mood!
June 6, 2008
Is sex during pregnancy safe?
While pregnancy is the beginning of many physical and emotional changes, you will be pleased to know that, unless you have been advised otherwise for medical reasons, it is safe to have sex while pregnant. In fact, you may find sex is better than ever.
Throughout your pregnancy it's normal for your desire for sex to change. During the first trimester, you may experience the common symptoms of tiredness and nausea, both of which can lessen sexual interest. The good news is that this will probably be followed by renewed interest in the second trimester, with the return of feelings of well-being, energy, vitality and libido! Bear in mind though, that towards the end of your pregnancy, interest may wane again due to increased size and a general lack of desire.
Is it safe to have sex during pregnancy?
YES! Unless there is any medical reason to prevent it. In fact, during pregnancy, your body contains higher levels of hormones. These hormones cause physical changes, which in turn can create a heightened feeling of sensuality. Sex during pregnancy can be more stimulating and satisfying than ever, with some women experiencing orgasm or multiple orgasms for the first time.
In addition, your partner will probably enjoy the fact that you are experiencing feelings of enhanced sensuality, and may also find your new shape and extra curves quite sensual as well.
What physical and sexual changes occur?
During pregnancy, progesterone and oestrogen generally create a feeling of well-being and contentment, and can result in a glowing complexion, supple skin and healthy, shiny hair. These general physical changes are accompanied by more specific changes that can result in a fantastic physical relationship during pregnancy.
Increased oestrogen levels lead to an increase of blood flow in the pelvic area, causing the swelling that usually occurs when a woman is sexually aroused. Also, the nipples become darker (which can be attractive to your partner) and the breasts become larger, more sensitive and capable of feeling extreme sensation when touched or kissed. With all these nerve endings feeling super-sensitive, arousal is quicker and sensations are more intense and lasting, including orgasm.
When can we have sex?
Anytime - as long as there are no medical reasons preventing it and providing you're not too vigourous. There is no reason for you to stop making love during pregnancy unless, of course, your labour starts!
What are the best lovemaking positions during pregnancy?
Whatever is comfortable for both of you. At some point, the missionary position will become uncomfortable, so you will need to experiment with rear-entry, side-by-side and sitting positions. Don't forget sensual or erotic massage and oral sex too.
What are the benefits of continuing sex during pregnancy?
- Physical and emotional bonding between you and your partner - this is important, as you are about to embark on a new journey together as parents. The closer you are the easier it will be.
- Preparation of the pelvic muscles for childbirth - sex will help to keep your pelvic muscles toned and strong for the extreme physical experience ahead.
- Enjoyment! Being pregnant is a new experience and there's no reason why it can't be a new sensual experience too.
What if sex isn't enjoyable?
There are many physical and emotional changes during pregnancy. While some sexual relationships may improve during pregnancy, others may stagnate or suffer.The best approach is to be open with one another about your feelings, needs and expectations.
This may be an ideal opportunity to build on your sexual relationship, explore each other and find new ways of giving each other pleasure. The best way to overcome any difficulties is to spend time talking. Try to build security and a feeling of closeness by focusing on your love for each other rather than just your sex life (or lack of it!). Chances are if you feel intimate and close, more intimate and satisfying lovemaking will follow.
It might be a good time to indulge in a loving, sensual and erotic massage to set the mood!
Thursday, March 12, 2009
Break Up Reasons
1. You Had A Big Fight
Having a conflict with your partner is not only a reason to break up, it's often a reason that you should stay together. Even the most reasonable people disagree with each other, and the way you resolve your differences can help your relationship climb to new levels. So don't clam up or head for the door at the first sign of a disagreement. Instead, use it as a way to further understand your partner and what makes him or her tick.
2. Your Partner Doesn't Like Everything You Like
That's perfectly fine and no reason to start searching for a new partner. Differences can be healthy. Having your own things to do can naturally give a relationship the space it requires. As long as you have enough shared interests to remain united as a couple, take a hint from the French -- vive la difference!
3. Your Partner Finds Other People Attractive
Just because you've captured another's heart, it doesn't mean that you've removed the eyes from that person's head, too. Even when fully loved, it's crazy to think that your partner has gone blind to get attracted to others. Physically attractive people are all around us so it's na�ve to think that they'll go unnoticed. There's even a chance that your loved one will feel that pull of chemistry with someone else, too, so you'd better learn how to manage it. In a good committed relationship, the partners are not cut off to external influences, but they're mature enough to know that acting on them is a recipe for disaster.
4. You Don't Have Time For A Relationship
We all know how important your career is and the world will collapse without your undivided attention and input. But get your priorities straight. Astronauts have partners, as do scientists, doctors, judges, teachers and even presidents. You're a very important person, but never too important to enjoy one of the greatest and most important pleasures in life: a loving relationship. Understand that having love in your life will make all that seem even more worthwhile.
5. Baggage Has Got You Down
We all carry a certain amount of baggage with us, and not just when we go on vacation. But just because you've had a bad experience in your past, it doesn't mean you have to carry it with you forever into your future. Instead, learn from those experiences, use them as a way to make wiser choices and break the pattern. Your new partner is not your old partner and just because that person treated you badly doesn't mean that your new partner will, too...
6. He or She Doesn't Do As You Say
While you and your new love may give each other pet names, one thing your sweetie is not is an actual pet. He or she won't sit and stay when you want, nor should you want that. While small power struggles are common in all relationships, some people's need for the ultimate say can destroy the peace. Maybe you're not happy with your significant other going out with his friends. Or you don't like it when she voices her opinions. If this is so, it's your issue, not your partner's, and it's not a reason to pull the plug. If you find that it's a recurring theme for you, maybe it's time to seek personal therapy and work through your own problems before blaming your partner.
7. You Let Petty Things Get In The Way
A lot of people need drama in their lives to feel alive, but the only thing regal about a drama queen is that she can be a royal pain. Like a critic reviewing a movie, it's easy to pick on what's wrong with something and make it into something bigger than it is: "OMG, he got me an emerald necklace for my birthday, and he KNOWS I hate green." "I'm so sick of her tuning the radio to country FM when we're in her car." If you have specific issues with something, talk about it, but focus on the positive, like the thoughtfulness of a gift or a simple ride to the airport. Be thankful for the love in your life and for what you are getting out of your relationship and remember to look at the bigger picture and stop sweating the details.
____________ _________ _________ ____________ _________ _________ ____________ _________ _________ ____________ _________ ________
__._,_.___
Having a conflict with your partner is not only a reason to break up, it's often a reason that you should stay together. Even the most reasonable people disagree with each other, and the way you resolve your differences can help your relationship climb to new levels. So don't clam up or head for the door at the first sign of a disagreement. Instead, use it as a way to further understand your partner and what makes him or her tick.
2. Your Partner Doesn't Like Everything You Like
That's perfectly fine and no reason to start searching for a new partner. Differences can be healthy. Having your own things to do can naturally give a relationship the space it requires. As long as you have enough shared interests to remain united as a couple, take a hint from the French -- vive la difference!
3. Your Partner Finds Other People Attractive
Just because you've captured another's heart, it doesn't mean that you've removed the eyes from that person's head, too. Even when fully loved, it's crazy to think that your partner has gone blind to get attracted to others. Physically attractive people are all around us so it's na�ve to think that they'll go unnoticed. There's even a chance that your loved one will feel that pull of chemistry with someone else, too, so you'd better learn how to manage it. In a good committed relationship, the partners are not cut off to external influences, but they're mature enough to know that acting on them is a recipe for disaster.
4. You Don't Have Time For A Relationship
We all know how important your career is and the world will collapse without your undivided attention and input. But get your priorities straight. Astronauts have partners, as do scientists, doctors, judges, teachers and even presidents. You're a very important person, but never too important to enjoy one of the greatest and most important pleasures in life: a loving relationship. Understand that having love in your life will make all that seem even more worthwhile.
5. Baggage Has Got You Down
We all carry a certain amount of baggage with us, and not just when we go on vacation. But just because you've had a bad experience in your past, it doesn't mean you have to carry it with you forever into your future. Instead, learn from those experiences, use them as a way to make wiser choices and break the pattern. Your new partner is not your old partner and just because that person treated you badly doesn't mean that your new partner will, too...
6. He or She Doesn't Do As You Say
While you and your new love may give each other pet names, one thing your sweetie is not is an actual pet. He or she won't sit and stay when you want, nor should you want that. While small power struggles are common in all relationships, some people's need for the ultimate say can destroy the peace. Maybe you're not happy with your significant other going out with his friends. Or you don't like it when she voices her opinions. If this is so, it's your issue, not your partner's, and it's not a reason to pull the plug. If you find that it's a recurring theme for you, maybe it's time to seek personal therapy and work through your own problems before blaming your partner.
7. You Let Petty Things Get In The Way
A lot of people need drama in their lives to feel alive, but the only thing regal about a drama queen is that she can be a royal pain. Like a critic reviewing a movie, it's easy to pick on what's wrong with something and make it into something bigger than it is: "OMG, he got me an emerald necklace for my birthday, and he KNOWS I hate green." "I'm so sick of her tuning the radio to country FM when we're in her car." If you have specific issues with something, talk about it, but focus on the positive, like the thoughtfulness of a gift or a simple ride to the airport. Be thankful for the love in your life and for what you are getting out of your relationship and remember to look at the bigger picture and stop sweating the details.
____________ _________ _________ ____________ _________ _________ ____________ _________ _________ ____________ _________ ________
__._,_.___
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
Keeping Love Alive - Despite A Layoff
A job loss can put financial and emotional strain on a relationship
By Eve Tahmincioglu
Jim and Renee Fellows, who have been married for 20 years, won’t be going out for a romantic dinner this Valentine’s Day.
Jim lost his job three weeks ago as a manufacturing manager for Pearson Education, a job he held for more than a decade. Renee, who runs her own firm, called ClearPoint Marketing Communications, has seen her client load fall off recently given the economic downturn.
“We’re not going to pay $65 for a babysitter and $65 for dinner,” said Renee. “That’s just not going to happen right now.”
The Fellows — who live in
“Being the one that’s let go, you feel miserable,” Jim said. “You just have to communicate with each other.”
“It doesn’t have to be diamonds and roses,” added Renee, who says they were not living extravagantly before the layoff. “That’s not what a marriage is about.”
The Fellows have weathered layoffs in the past. But for so many couples, this recession and the mass layoffs that have resulted will test even the best of marriages.
When a spouse suffers a job loss, the strain on a marriage or relationship can cause not just financial but emotional problems as well.
“The romance tends to go down the toilet, not just because of the financial stuff,” said Thierry Guedj, a professor and workplace psychology expert at
Divorce rates go up during a recession
Some studies even point to a higher rate of divorce when one spouse, or even both, end up on the unemployment line. A British study released late last year by the Institute for Social and Economic Research at the
As Nobel laureate Gary Becker, a University of Chicago Graduate School of Business economist, told Time magazine in October: “Recessions tend to raise divorce rates.”
This particular recession has begun to hit couples hard.
The jobless rate among married men was 5 percent in January, up from 4.4 percent in December of 2008, according to the U.S. Bureau of Labor statistics. The rate among married women jumped to 4.7 percent, from 4.5 percent over the same period. Although lower than the overall unemployment rate of 7.6 percent, the jobless numbers among married couples are rising substantially, reaching levels not seen since the early 1990s.
And that’s wreaking havoc on wedded bliss.
Nicholas Yrizarry, a financial planner from
“The extreme I see are couples who were already overextended with credit cards maxed out and big houses, and now, if one of them loses their job, there’s tension in unspeakable amounts,” he said.
Losing sight of what really matters — love
One of his clients was on the emotional brink because he was laid off recently and saw his portfolio fall by 30 percent. “He was sitting in my office with his head in his hands crying,” Yrizarry said. “And this guy was a Ph.D. economist.”
In this case, the client’s wife helped pull him out of his misery, Yrizarry said. “She was the strong one and showed him she still had confidence in him.”
For couples facing economic hardship because of a layoff, it's easy to lose sight of what really matters — love.
Yrizarry said he sees two types of couples: the ones who are obsessed with money and material things and allow a layoff to destroy their marriage; and the ones who have a mature relationship and adversity only brings them closer. “They are the types that can live in a phone booth together and still be OK,” he said.
While almost anyone can crack under financial pressures, keep a few things in mind in order to help you and your significant other come out stronger.
On the financial side, Yrizarry suggests planning, planning, planning:
1. Sit down “calmly” and discuss what your assets are.
2. Come up with a financial plan to deal with the loss of income and strategies to get a new job — or have a non-working spouse get a job. Assess your options for taking on temporary work or retraining if your skills are not marketable anymore.
3. Implement the plan.
As for the emotional toll, it’s all about respecting each other.
Couples shouldn’t play the blame game but should concentrate on being supportive, said
The idea that men take job loss worse than women is largely a myth today because both sexes have come to view their careers as a key part of their identities, he said. It's also important for those who have lost a job to reach out to friends or family for support.
Talk about finances
This may be a good time to find out what your spouse’s financial demons are, said Spencer Sherman, author of “The Cure for Money Madness.”
Money is an “explosive” topic and difficult to talk about, he said, which is what gets many couples in trouble. Resentment can start to surface because one spouse is angry the other bought expensive hunting gear or a fancy dress. “That begins to lead to finger pointing and blame.”
Many couples don’t know each other’s financial histories when it comes to spending or savings and what they learned from their parents, he said. “You have to find out what each other’s values are around money when it comes to things like retirement, college education.”
He suggests couples carve out two hours with no kids to talk about the job loss and come up with two actions plans. One assumes you’ll be able to find a new job within a few months and the other is for a worst-case scenario.
The Fellows actually made a list to deal with the financial side of their economic strife:
Plan A – Jim finds a good, secure position in his field.
Plan B – Jim finds a position outside his field.
Plan C – Renee takes a full-time position in her field and Jim looks for alternative work outside his field. For example, teaching, maintenance or purchasing.
Plan D – Jim and Renee relocate to a more affordable region of the country, such as
“Having a set of plans helps us to remain focused and gives us immediate alternatives should life not happen according to our first plan,” said Renee. “We are seeing so many of our friends go through these same situations. Some have a plan, but many do not.”
As for their keep-our-relationship-intact plan, she added that it’s important to recognize that the tension in the relationship is coming from money woes. “Then you can deal with it better.”
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