1. You Had A Big Fight
Having a conflict with your partner is not only a reason to break up, it's often a reason that you should stay together. Even the most reasonable people disagree with each other, and the way you resolve your differences can help your relationship climb to new levels. So don't clam up or head for the door at the first sign of a disagreement. Instead, use it as a way to further understand your partner and what makes him or her tick.
2. Your Partner Doesn't Like Everything You Like
That's perfectly fine and no reason to start searching for a new partner. Differences can be healthy. Having your own things to do can naturally give a relationship the space it requires. As long as you have enough shared interests to remain united as a couple, take a hint from the French -- vive la difference!
3. Your Partner Finds Other People Attractive
Just because you've captured another's heart, it doesn't mean that you've removed the eyes from that person's head, too. Even when fully loved, it's crazy to think that your partner has gone blind to get attracted to others. Physically attractive people are all around us so it's na�ve to think that they'll go unnoticed. There's even a chance that your loved one will feel that pull of chemistry with someone else, too, so you'd better learn how to manage it. In a good committed relationship, the partners are not cut off to external influences, but they're mature enough to know that acting on them is a recipe for disaster.
4. You Don't Have Time For A Relationship
We all know how important your career is and the world will collapse without your undivided attention and input. But get your priorities straight. Astronauts have partners, as do scientists, doctors, judges, teachers and even presidents. You're a very important person, but never too important to enjoy one of the greatest and most important pleasures in life: a loving relationship. Understand that having love in your life will make all that seem even more worthwhile.
5. Baggage Has Got You Down
We all carry a certain amount of baggage with us, and not just when we go on vacation. But just because you've had a bad experience in your past, it doesn't mean you have to carry it with you forever into your future. Instead, learn from those experiences, use them as a way to make wiser choices and break the pattern. Your new partner is not your old partner and just because that person treated you badly doesn't mean that your new partner will, too...
6. He or She Doesn't Do As You Say
While you and your new love may give each other pet names, one thing your sweetie is not is an actual pet. He or she won't sit and stay when you want, nor should you want that. While small power struggles are common in all relationships, some people's need for the ultimate say can destroy the peace. Maybe you're not happy with your significant other going out with his friends. Or you don't like it when she voices her opinions. If this is so, it's your issue, not your partner's, and it's not a reason to pull the plug. If you find that it's a recurring theme for you, maybe it's time to seek personal therapy and work through your own problems before blaming your partner.
7. You Let Petty Things Get In The Way
A lot of people need drama in their lives to feel alive, but the only thing regal about a drama queen is that she can be a royal pain. Like a critic reviewing a movie, it's easy to pick on what's wrong with something and make it into something bigger than it is: "OMG, he got me an emerald necklace for my birthday, and he KNOWS I hate green." "I'm so sick of her tuning the radio to country FM when we're in her car." If you have specific issues with something, talk about it, but focus on the positive, like the thoughtfulness of a gift or a simple ride to the airport. Be thankful for the love in your life and for what you are getting out of your relationship and remember to look at the bigger picture and stop sweating the details.
____________ _________ _________ ____________ _________ _________ ____________ _________ _________ ____________ _________ ________
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Thursday, March 12, 2009
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
Keeping Love Alive - Despite A Layoff
A job loss can put financial and emotional strain on a relationship
By Eve Tahmincioglu
Jim and Renee Fellows, who have been married for 20 years, won’t be going out for a romantic dinner this Valentine’s Day.
Jim lost his job three weeks ago as a manufacturing manager for Pearson Education, a job he held for more than a decade. Renee, who runs her own firm, called ClearPoint Marketing Communications, has seen her client load fall off recently given the economic downturn.
“We’re not going to pay $65 for a babysitter and $65 for dinner,” said Renee. “That’s just not going to happen right now.”
The Fellows — who live in
“Being the one that’s let go, you feel miserable,” Jim said. “You just have to communicate with each other.”
“It doesn’t have to be diamonds and roses,” added Renee, who says they were not living extravagantly before the layoff. “That’s not what a marriage is about.”
The Fellows have weathered layoffs in the past. But for so many couples, this recession and the mass layoffs that have resulted will test even the best of marriages.
When a spouse suffers a job loss, the strain on a marriage or relationship can cause not just financial but emotional problems as well.
“The romance tends to go down the toilet, not just because of the financial stuff,” said Thierry Guedj, a professor and workplace psychology expert at
Divorce rates go up during a recession
Some studies even point to a higher rate of divorce when one spouse, or even both, end up on the unemployment line. A British study released late last year by the Institute for Social and Economic Research at the
As Nobel laureate Gary Becker, a University of Chicago Graduate School of Business economist, told Time magazine in October: “Recessions tend to raise divorce rates.”
This particular recession has begun to hit couples hard.
The jobless rate among married men was 5 percent in January, up from 4.4 percent in December of 2008, according to the U.S. Bureau of Labor statistics. The rate among married women jumped to 4.7 percent, from 4.5 percent over the same period. Although lower than the overall unemployment rate of 7.6 percent, the jobless numbers among married couples are rising substantially, reaching levels not seen since the early 1990s.
And that’s wreaking havoc on wedded bliss.
Nicholas Yrizarry, a financial planner from
“The extreme I see are couples who were already overextended with credit cards maxed out and big houses, and now, if one of them loses their job, there’s tension in unspeakable amounts,” he said.
Losing sight of what really matters — love
One of his clients was on the emotional brink because he was laid off recently and saw his portfolio fall by 30 percent. “He was sitting in my office with his head in his hands crying,” Yrizarry said. “And this guy was a Ph.D. economist.”
In this case, the client’s wife helped pull him out of his misery, Yrizarry said. “She was the strong one and showed him she still had confidence in him.”
For couples facing economic hardship because of a layoff, it's easy to lose sight of what really matters — love.
Yrizarry said he sees two types of couples: the ones who are obsessed with money and material things and allow a layoff to destroy their marriage; and the ones who have a mature relationship and adversity only brings them closer. “They are the types that can live in a phone booth together and still be OK,” he said.
While almost anyone can crack under financial pressures, keep a few things in mind in order to help you and your significant other come out stronger.
On the financial side, Yrizarry suggests planning, planning, planning:
1. Sit down “calmly” and discuss what your assets are.
2. Come up with a financial plan to deal with the loss of income and strategies to get a new job — or have a non-working spouse get a job. Assess your options for taking on temporary work or retraining if your skills are not marketable anymore.
3. Implement the plan.
As for the emotional toll, it’s all about respecting each other.
Couples shouldn’t play the blame game but should concentrate on being supportive, said
The idea that men take job loss worse than women is largely a myth today because both sexes have come to view their careers as a key part of their identities, he said. It's also important for those who have lost a job to reach out to friends or family for support.
Talk about finances
This may be a good time to find out what your spouse’s financial demons are, said Spencer Sherman, author of “The Cure for Money Madness.”
Money is an “explosive” topic and difficult to talk about, he said, which is what gets many couples in trouble. Resentment can start to surface because one spouse is angry the other bought expensive hunting gear or a fancy dress. “That begins to lead to finger pointing and blame.”
Many couples don’t know each other’s financial histories when it comes to spending or savings and what they learned from their parents, he said. “You have to find out what each other’s values are around money when it comes to things like retirement, college education.”
He suggests couples carve out two hours with no kids to talk about the job loss and come up with two actions plans. One assumes you’ll be able to find a new job within a few months and the other is for a worst-case scenario.
The Fellows actually made a list to deal with the financial side of their economic strife:
Plan A – Jim finds a good, secure position in his field.
Plan B – Jim finds a position outside his field.
Plan C – Renee takes a full-time position in her field and Jim looks for alternative work outside his field. For example, teaching, maintenance or purchasing.
Plan D – Jim and Renee relocate to a more affordable region of the country, such as
“Having a set of plans helps us to remain focused and gives us immediate alternatives should life not happen according to our first plan,” said Renee. “We are seeing so many of our friends go through these same situations. Some have a plan, but many do not.”
As for their keep-our-relationship-intact plan, she added that it’s important to recognize that the tension in the relationship is coming from money woes. “Then you can deal with it better.”
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
A man's guide to conception
Conception
There are some pretty important basics that you should be aware of if you want to successfully conceive.
Successful conception is dependent on a man producing a healthy sperm, which then fertilises a healthy egg from a woman. What you may not be aware of is that beyond just having regular intercourse, there is a rather tricky sequence of events involved.
If your partner has talked about ovulation, checking mucus, checking body temperature or working out the length of her cycle and you are not entirely sure what this all means, then read on.
Ovulation Ovulation is the development and release of an ovum (egg) from a woman's ovaries. A woman is fertile around the time of the month that she is ovulating. The Ovarian cycle, which results in a woman having a menstrual period, usually occurs in cycles of approximately 28 days (though this can vary). Ovulation generally occurs at about the middle of the cycle, or 14 days before the first day of a woman's menstrual period.
Many women find that it can take time to accurately determine when ovulation is occurring . While there are various indicators, they are not always as straight forward as they sound. Two ways that women can determine whether they are ovulating are;
Observing changes in cervical mucusMucus increases in volume as the monthly cycle progresses and becomes more plentiful and slippery (often described as the consistency of raw egg white) during ovulation.
Checking basal body temperatureIf your partner is checking and charting her temperature every morning, she is looking for a pattern during her cycle, which will indicate when she is ovulating. Prior to ovulation temperature drops slightly, then following ovulation temperature increases and remains high for the rest of the cycle. Once this pattern is determined, you will know your fertile period of the month.
EjaculationAs you know, this is your job! On average about two thirds of a teaspoonful of seminal fluid is expelled on ejaculation, containing about 210 - 525 million sperm. About one quarter of these sperm will be abnormal and the remaining three quarters will be capable of independent movement which is needed to reach the fallopian tube. Once the sperm enter the vagina, they will be deterred from continuing on their path by the slightly acidic vaginal secretions. Of the millions of sperm released in each ejaculation, only a few hundred will reach the female egg in the fallopian tube.Conception Prior to conception, an egg was released from one of your partner's ovaries and began to travel down the fallopian tube. At the moment of conception, one of your sperm met, entered and fertilised your partner's egg, which then sealed itself off to exclude all other sperm.
When your sperm fertilise your partner's egg, the genes or chromosomes from each of you combine to create a cell. This cell then starts to divide, becoming a collection of cells, or blastocyst.
The blastocyst continues to divide and grow, moving down the fallopian tube until it reaches the uterus (or womb) between 3 and 7 days later. Once in the uterus, the blastocyst will implant itself into the lining of the uterus, but before this happens, a change occurs. The blastocyst creates a liquid pocket in its centre. This fluid space creates a division in the blastocyst, resulting in an inner cell mass, which will form the embryo, and an outer trophoblast, which will form the placenta.
About a week after conception, the outer cells help the blastocyst to implant or embed into the lining of the uterus so that it can seek nourishment. As a result of the hormone changes following conception, the lining of the uterus has already become thicker and has an increased blood supply in preparation for implantation. The process of implantation usually takes about one week.
When is the best time to have sex?A woman's most fertile period is from four to five days before ovulation to 24 hours afterward. Basically, sperm cells can live for 72 hours but unless fertilised, ova survive no longer than 24 hours.
If you and your partner are trying for a baby, the best times to have intercourse are in the days immediately preceding ovulation and the day of ovulation. If your partner cannot determine when she is ovulating, one suggestion is to have intercourse every second day from day 10 to day 18 of her ovarian cycle (the most likely period of ovulation for most women).
When should you worry about your fertility?Considering that at your most fertile peak (around 24) you only have about a 25% chance of falling pregnant during every cycle, most Health Practitioners will probably advise you not to worry for at least twelve months. In most cases, specialists will not see you until you have been having regular intercourse and trying to fall pregnant for at least a year.
Remember, while it often seems that everyone else suddenly fell pregnant, they may have been trying for some time. The best way to increase your chances of falling pregnant each month is to identify your partner's peak fertile period and then ensure you have sex at that time of the month. If you have any concerns, however, it is important to talk to your partner, and your Health Practitioner to get answers to your questions.
Sometimes it is useful to talk to others to find out how long it took them to fall pregnant. You may be surprised to find that it's not uncommon for a couple to take over twelve months to fall pregnant, especially as they get older.
My partner seems preoccupied with falling pregnant. Is this normal?While you may not be concerned about how quickly your partner falls pregnant, she may seem to become pre-occupied about fertile periods and how long it is taking.
Remember that a woman who is trying to fall pregnant has made a committment to a major life changing experience - for many women this usually involves making some fundamental lifestyle choices! Having decided to have a baby, women should avoid alcohol and cigarettes, eat a healthy and nutritious diet, start an exercise routine and make any other necessary adjustments to their lifestyle BEFORE falling pregnant.
Having done all of this, your partner usually won't be able to confirm a pregnancy until at least two weeks after conception or until her period is late. This means that for at least two weeks of every menstrual cycle, your partner is aware that she "might" be pregnant. It is difficult for a woman not to feel preoccupied under these circumstances.
Also, as many couples are postponing having children until later due to career, travel or other reasons, the tendency for a woman to plan her life, including planning when she will have a baby, is common. Many women are accustomed to making a decision and acting on it, while conceiving a child does not fit into that mode of thought. This can be extremely frustrating in itself.
There are some pretty important basics that you should be aware of if you want to successfully conceive.
Successful conception is dependent on a man producing a healthy sperm, which then fertilises a healthy egg from a woman. What you may not be aware of is that beyond just having regular intercourse, there is a rather tricky sequence of events involved.
If your partner has talked about ovulation, checking mucus, checking body temperature or working out the length of her cycle and you are not entirely sure what this all means, then read on.
Ovulation Ovulation is the development and release of an ovum (egg) from a woman's ovaries. A woman is fertile around the time of the month that she is ovulating. The Ovarian cycle, which results in a woman having a menstrual period, usually occurs in cycles of approximately 28 days (though this can vary). Ovulation generally occurs at about the middle of the cycle, or 14 days before the first day of a woman's menstrual period.
Many women find that it can take time to accurately determine when ovulation is occurring . While there are various indicators, they are not always as straight forward as they sound. Two ways that women can determine whether they are ovulating are;
Observing changes in cervical mucusMucus increases in volume as the monthly cycle progresses and becomes more plentiful and slippery (often described as the consistency of raw egg white) during ovulation.
Checking basal body temperatureIf your partner is checking and charting her temperature every morning, she is looking for a pattern during her cycle, which will indicate when she is ovulating. Prior to ovulation temperature drops slightly, then following ovulation temperature increases and remains high for the rest of the cycle. Once this pattern is determined, you will know your fertile period of the month.
EjaculationAs you know, this is your job! On average about two thirds of a teaspoonful of seminal fluid is expelled on ejaculation, containing about 210 - 525 million sperm. About one quarter of these sperm will be abnormal and the remaining three quarters will be capable of independent movement which is needed to reach the fallopian tube. Once the sperm enter the vagina, they will be deterred from continuing on their path by the slightly acidic vaginal secretions. Of the millions of sperm released in each ejaculation, only a few hundred will reach the female egg in the fallopian tube.Conception Prior to conception, an egg was released from one of your partner's ovaries and began to travel down the fallopian tube. At the moment of conception, one of your sperm met, entered and fertilised your partner's egg, which then sealed itself off to exclude all other sperm.
When your sperm fertilise your partner's egg, the genes or chromosomes from each of you combine to create a cell. This cell then starts to divide, becoming a collection of cells, or blastocyst.
The blastocyst continues to divide and grow, moving down the fallopian tube until it reaches the uterus (or womb) between 3 and 7 days later. Once in the uterus, the blastocyst will implant itself into the lining of the uterus, but before this happens, a change occurs. The blastocyst creates a liquid pocket in its centre. This fluid space creates a division in the blastocyst, resulting in an inner cell mass, which will form the embryo, and an outer trophoblast, which will form the placenta.
About a week after conception, the outer cells help the blastocyst to implant or embed into the lining of the uterus so that it can seek nourishment. As a result of the hormone changes following conception, the lining of the uterus has already become thicker and has an increased blood supply in preparation for implantation. The process of implantation usually takes about one week.
When is the best time to have sex?A woman's most fertile period is from four to five days before ovulation to 24 hours afterward. Basically, sperm cells can live for 72 hours but unless fertilised, ova survive no longer than 24 hours.
If you and your partner are trying for a baby, the best times to have intercourse are in the days immediately preceding ovulation and the day of ovulation. If your partner cannot determine when she is ovulating, one suggestion is to have intercourse every second day from day 10 to day 18 of her ovarian cycle (the most likely period of ovulation for most women).
When should you worry about your fertility?Considering that at your most fertile peak (around 24) you only have about a 25% chance of falling pregnant during every cycle, most Health Practitioners will probably advise you not to worry for at least twelve months. In most cases, specialists will not see you until you have been having regular intercourse and trying to fall pregnant for at least a year.
Remember, while it often seems that everyone else suddenly fell pregnant, they may have been trying for some time. The best way to increase your chances of falling pregnant each month is to identify your partner's peak fertile period and then ensure you have sex at that time of the month. If you have any concerns, however, it is important to talk to your partner, and your Health Practitioner to get answers to your questions.
Sometimes it is useful to talk to others to find out how long it took them to fall pregnant. You may be surprised to find that it's not uncommon for a couple to take over twelve months to fall pregnant, especially as they get older.
My partner seems preoccupied with falling pregnant. Is this normal?While you may not be concerned about how quickly your partner falls pregnant, she may seem to become pre-occupied about fertile periods and how long it is taking.
Remember that a woman who is trying to fall pregnant has made a committment to a major life changing experience - for many women this usually involves making some fundamental lifestyle choices! Having decided to have a baby, women should avoid alcohol and cigarettes, eat a healthy and nutritious diet, start an exercise routine and make any other necessary adjustments to their lifestyle BEFORE falling pregnant.
Having done all of this, your partner usually won't be able to confirm a pregnancy until at least two weeks after conception or until her period is late. This means that for at least two weeks of every menstrual cycle, your partner is aware that she "might" be pregnant. It is difficult for a woman not to feel preoccupied under these circumstances.
Also, as many couples are postponing having children until later due to career, travel or other reasons, the tendency for a woman to plan her life, including planning when she will have a baby, is common. Many women are accustomed to making a decision and acting on it, while conceiving a child does not fit into that mode of thought. This can be extremely frustrating in itself.
Atom Smasher Breaks down
The huge particle collider built to simulate the conditions of the "Big Bang" will not restart until the European spring 2009 after a weekend technical glitch, the European Organisation for Nuclear Research (CERN) said on Tuesday.
A helium leak into the tunnel housing the biggest and most complex machine ever made forced CERN to shut down its Large Hadron Collider (LHC) on Saturday, just 10 days after starting it up.
CERN Director-General Robert Aymar said this was a psychological blow after a successful start of the LHC following years of painstaking preparation by skilled teams of scientists.
"I have no doubt that we will overcome this setback with the same degree of rigour and application," he said in a statement.
The most likely cause of the leak of helium into the LHC's 17-mile (27-km) tunnel under the French-Swiss border was a faulty electrical connection between two of the accelerator's giant magnets, CERN said.
For a full understanding of the incident scientists must now raise those sectors of the tunnel back to room temperature from its operating temperature of minus 271.3 degrees Celsius (minus 456.3 degrees Fahrenheit) and open the magnets for inspection, a process taking 3-4 weeks.
This investigation and repairs, followed by CERN's winter maintenance period, will push back the restart of the accelerator complex to early spring 2009, CERN said.
CERN will then resume sending beams of particles around the tunnel, as it did successfully after starting up the LHC on Sept. 10. The next step is to smash beams travelling in opposite directions into each other at nearly the speed of light.
This would attempt to recreate on a miniature scale the heat and energy of the Big Bang, the explosion generally believed by cosmologists to be at the origin of our expanding universe.
At full speed the LHC will engineer 600 million collisions every second of subatomic particles called protons, which will explode in a burst of new and previously unseen types of particles.
The experiment could confirm the existence of the Higgs Boson, a theoretical particle named after Peter Higgs who first proposed it in 1964 as a way of explaining how matter has mass.
CERN, which has had to dismiss suggestions that its experiment could create tiny black holes of intense gravity that could swallow up the whole of planet Earth, says there was never any risk to people from the malfunction
A helium leak into the tunnel housing the biggest and most complex machine ever made forced CERN to shut down its Large Hadron Collider (LHC) on Saturday, just 10 days after starting it up.
CERN Director-General Robert Aymar said this was a psychological blow after a successful start of the LHC following years of painstaking preparation by skilled teams of scientists.
"I have no doubt that we will overcome this setback with the same degree of rigour and application," he said in a statement.
The most likely cause of the leak of helium into the LHC's 17-mile (27-km) tunnel under the French-Swiss border was a faulty electrical connection between two of the accelerator's giant magnets, CERN said.
For a full understanding of the incident scientists must now raise those sectors of the tunnel back to room temperature from its operating temperature of minus 271.3 degrees Celsius (minus 456.3 degrees Fahrenheit) and open the magnets for inspection, a process taking 3-4 weeks.
This investigation and repairs, followed by CERN's winter maintenance period, will push back the restart of the accelerator complex to early spring 2009, CERN said.
CERN will then resume sending beams of particles around the tunnel, as it did successfully after starting up the LHC on Sept. 10. The next step is to smash beams travelling in opposite directions into each other at nearly the speed of light.
This would attempt to recreate on a miniature scale the heat and energy of the Big Bang, the explosion generally believed by cosmologists to be at the origin of our expanding universe.
At full speed the LHC will engineer 600 million collisions every second of subatomic particles called protons, which will explode in a burst of new and previously unseen types of particles.
The experiment could confirm the existence of the Higgs Boson, a theoretical particle named after Peter Higgs who first proposed it in 1964 as a way of explaining how matter has mass.
CERN, which has had to dismiss suggestions that its experiment could create tiny black holes of intense gravity that could swallow up the whole of planet Earth, says there was never any risk to people from the malfunction
The 7 secrets of a Conient & Secure Woman
The Seven Secrets of a Confident & Secure Woman by Scott Smallwood
1. A confident & secure woman REPOSITIONS HERSELF
A confident woman never forgets the one thing that never changes –THINGS CONSTANTLY CHANGE.
With the winds of change ever blowing, a secure woman realizes that she may not currently possess all the tools that will take her to her goal, but she’s always ready to learn what she needs to know in order to get there. This may mean going back to school, changing job or vocations or even moving to a different location, but she is ready, willing and able to adapt to changing circumstances.
2. A confident & secure woman KNOWS HOW TO GIVE AND TAKE
A confident woman understands that the gift is in the giving. She knows the laws that tell her what she gives will return to her several times over. She will give her time, energy and even her heart to those who need her. However, she also knows that she is not a super human and she does not over-extend herself. She regularly takes time for herself! She also recognizes that she has limits and, at times, finds herself in a position of needing assistance and is not afraid to ask for what she needs.
3. A confident & secure woman LIVES IN THE PRESENT
Dwelling on the past or worrying about the future is the bread of idleness that a confident woman refuses to eat. When recalling the past, she does not allow herself to dwell there but, rather, refocuses on the here and now. She understands that her past experiences, whether joyful or painful, are a part of her and have made her the confident person that she is today. She learns from the past and uses that information for current decision making. She has hopes for the future and engages in the occasional daydream while keeping herself solidly in the present tense of her life.
4. A confident & secure woman KEEPS HERE EYE ON THE PRIZE
Not everything we do comes up roses. To expect perfection is cavalier, but to know that mistakes are a part of the journey is wisdom. This knowledge allows the confident woman to refuse to pity herself when something doesn’t turn out as she’d hoped or expected it would.
5. A confident & secure woman KNOWS HOW TO SAY NO
Women have too little time and too much responsibility. The demands of jobs, child care, household duties, etc. are often draining. Having time to herself seems to be a far-fetched dream for many women.
The confident woman knows her limits and her need for self care. She understands that in order to be able to accomplish all that she wants/needs to do, she MUST have adequate energy reserves from which to draw. While sympathetic and even flattered when her phone rings off the hook with others making requests of her, she is able to pick and choose those people or causes to which/whom she will devote her time and energy. She knows when she needs to politely decline so that she will have time to recharge herself or to ward off becoming overwhelmed. She also does not feel a need to offer apologies or excuses for needing to do so.
6. A confident & secure woman TRUSTS HER INNER VOICE
While she may occasionally feel uncertain or seek the counsel of others, the confident woman knows deep down that her own heart will give her the direction she needs. While this intuition may be said to be a characteristic of all women, it is one that becomes refined only with age, wisdom and experience. The secure woman will carefully consider all the information at her disposal, seek advice from those she respects and then turn to that little voice inside of herself and become her own best counsel.
7. A confident & secure woman DOESN’T SWEAT THE SMALL STUFF
If we allow ourselves to think too much about something or consider every little thing that could possibly come up or go awry, we can soon make mountains out of molehills. The secure woman is able to separate the chaff from the grain and focus only on those things of primary concern to her in any situation. She does not micro manage herself or her affairs. Rather, she focuses on the broader picture along with the key ingredients that are needed to solve her problem or reach her goal. She possesses inner strength and the wisdom to be able to create, change and adapt as necessary.
1. A confident & secure woman REPOSITIONS HERSELF
A confident woman never forgets the one thing that never changes –THINGS CONSTANTLY CHANGE.
With the winds of change ever blowing, a secure woman realizes that she may not currently possess all the tools that will take her to her goal, but she’s always ready to learn what she needs to know in order to get there. This may mean going back to school, changing job or vocations or even moving to a different location, but she is ready, willing and able to adapt to changing circumstances.
2. A confident & secure woman KNOWS HOW TO GIVE AND TAKE
A confident woman understands that the gift is in the giving. She knows the laws that tell her what she gives will return to her several times over. She will give her time, energy and even her heart to those who need her. However, she also knows that she is not a super human and she does not over-extend herself. She regularly takes time for herself! She also recognizes that she has limits and, at times, finds herself in a position of needing assistance and is not afraid to ask for what she needs.
3. A confident & secure woman LIVES IN THE PRESENT
Dwelling on the past or worrying about the future is the bread of idleness that a confident woman refuses to eat. When recalling the past, she does not allow herself to dwell there but, rather, refocuses on the here and now. She understands that her past experiences, whether joyful or painful, are a part of her and have made her the confident person that she is today. She learns from the past and uses that information for current decision making. She has hopes for the future and engages in the occasional daydream while keeping herself solidly in the present tense of her life.
4. A confident & secure woman KEEPS HERE EYE ON THE PRIZE
Not everything we do comes up roses. To expect perfection is cavalier, but to know that mistakes are a part of the journey is wisdom. This knowledge allows the confident woman to refuse to pity herself when something doesn’t turn out as she’d hoped or expected it would.
5. A confident & secure woman KNOWS HOW TO SAY NO
Women have too little time and too much responsibility. The demands of jobs, child care, household duties, etc. are often draining. Having time to herself seems to be a far-fetched dream for many women.
The confident woman knows her limits and her need for self care. She understands that in order to be able to accomplish all that she wants/needs to do, she MUST have adequate energy reserves from which to draw. While sympathetic and even flattered when her phone rings off the hook with others making requests of her, she is able to pick and choose those people or causes to which/whom she will devote her time and energy. She knows when she needs to politely decline so that she will have time to recharge herself or to ward off becoming overwhelmed. She also does not feel a need to offer apologies or excuses for needing to do so.
6. A confident & secure woman TRUSTS HER INNER VOICE
While she may occasionally feel uncertain or seek the counsel of others, the confident woman knows deep down that her own heart will give her the direction she needs. While this intuition may be said to be a characteristic of all women, it is one that becomes refined only with age, wisdom and experience. The secure woman will carefully consider all the information at her disposal, seek advice from those she respects and then turn to that little voice inside of herself and become her own best counsel.
7. A confident & secure woman DOESN’T SWEAT THE SMALL STUFF
If we allow ourselves to think too much about something or consider every little thing that could possibly come up or go awry, we can soon make mountains out of molehills. The secure woman is able to separate the chaff from the grain and focus only on those things of primary concern to her in any situation. She does not micro manage herself or her affairs. Rather, she focuses on the broader picture along with the key ingredients that are needed to solve her problem or reach her goal. She possesses inner strength and the wisdom to be able to create, change and adapt as necessary.
Sunday, August 10, 2008
8 Maariiage Ruts... Are you in One?
8 Marriage Ruts: Are You In One?
Whether you've been married for three months or three years, here's how to get out of routines that hurt your relationship. By The Nest Editors
Rut #1: Watching TV During DinnerWhy it's bad: Having dinner together offers valuable face time with your partner. Turning on the tube competes for attention and cuts in on your time to catch up and connect after so many hours spent apart.How to stop: Set aside 30 to 45 minutes of one-on-one talk time with the TV off every night. This shows your spouse that when you're not at work, you're devoted to your home and family. During this time, ignore your phone and leave the BlackBerry in another room. You'll feel closer within days.
Rut #2: Going Too Long Without SexWhy it's bad: If the amount of sex you're used to having starts to slide, your body and brain can get used to the decreased intimacy, causing you to go even longer without wanting that closeness.How to stop: Don't wait until you feel like doing it. Initiate sex when you're open to doing it, rather than when you have the desire. This will jump-start your feelings so you'll crave it more often.
Rut #3: Going a Whole Workday Without Talking to Your SweetheartWhy it's bad: You'll start growing apart emotionally after subconsciously feeling like the other person doesn't think about you (and your needs) during the day.How to stop: Initiate daily contact by sending a quick "How's your day?" email. And make the effort to do something nice every day (pick up his fave dessert, call from the store to see if she needs something). It shows forethought and consideration for your partner's needs.
Rut #4: Tuning Each Other OutWhy it's bad: You're disengaging from each other.How to stop: Make an effort to do small things such as kissing before saying good-bye, making eye contact when talking, and complimenting each other frequently throughout the week. Does he not seem to hear you talking during certain times (ahem, when ESPN is on)? Don't try to make conversation while the TV is on. If it's important, press mute; otherwise, save conversations for dinner or your bedroom, where you're less likely to be interrupted.
Rut #5: Not FightingWhy it's bad: Disagreements are good in a marriage because you're expressing your individuality. Talking about issues when they first happen makes them easier to fix than if you wait until after they've festered.How to stop: Bring up what's on your mind in a way that shows your admiration and respect for each other's thoughts and feelings. Like, "It hurts my feelings when ______. I was hoping we could figure out a new way to handle the situation together." This will set the tone of the conversation as loving and calm, but you both have to compromise to keep it that way.
Rut #6: Going out More with Friends Than with Your SpouseWhy it's bad: It sends the message that your friends are more worthy of your time.How to stop: Schedule nights out with your crew a few times a month, but make sure to let your partner know in advance. It's important to have these friendships as long as they don't make your married time sparse. And it's always best that these friends are people your partner knows and trusts, so there's less reason to worry.
Rut #7: Being Too CloseWhy it's bad: As much as you think burping, scratching, picking, or farting is funny or cute, it can backfire and cross the line. It may be a reflection of your closeness, but there should be a limit. Otherwise, you're leaving your partner with a very unsexy image of you.How to stop: Start a new rule. If you wouldn't do it in front of your work friends, don't do it in front of your honey. To get your mate to refrain, say: "I know we're close, and we can share everything, but I'd really appreciate it if you'd leave the room, or leave me out, when you do that. It's not very sexy, and I don't want anything that makes you less sexy to me."
Rut #8: Sharing Too Much with Your Parents or In-lawsWhy it's bad: This shows a lack of loyalty to your spouse. Your parents shouldn't have any information that your spouse doesn't have. And they shouldn't know anything he wouldn't want them to know.How to stop: Be loyal to your spouse even when she's not present. If you wouldn't say something in front of her, don't say it at all. You would want the same in return.
[Nestpert] Dr. Susan Fletcher is a licensed psychologist in private practice and the author of Parenting in the Smart Zone
Whether you've been married for three months or three years, here's how to get out of routines that hurt your relationship. By The Nest Editors
Rut #1: Watching TV During DinnerWhy it's bad: Having dinner together offers valuable face time with your partner. Turning on the tube competes for attention and cuts in on your time to catch up and connect after so many hours spent apart.How to stop: Set aside 30 to 45 minutes of one-on-one talk time with the TV off every night. This shows your spouse that when you're not at work, you're devoted to your home and family. During this time, ignore your phone and leave the BlackBerry in another room. You'll feel closer within days.
Rut #2: Going Too Long Without SexWhy it's bad: If the amount of sex you're used to having starts to slide, your body and brain can get used to the decreased intimacy, causing you to go even longer without wanting that closeness.How to stop: Don't wait until you feel like doing it. Initiate sex when you're open to doing it, rather than when you have the desire. This will jump-start your feelings so you'll crave it more often.
Rut #3: Going a Whole Workday Without Talking to Your SweetheartWhy it's bad: You'll start growing apart emotionally after subconsciously feeling like the other person doesn't think about you (and your needs) during the day.How to stop: Initiate daily contact by sending a quick "How's your day?" email. And make the effort to do something nice every day (pick up his fave dessert, call from the store to see if she needs something). It shows forethought and consideration for your partner's needs.
Rut #4: Tuning Each Other OutWhy it's bad: You're disengaging from each other.How to stop: Make an effort to do small things such as kissing before saying good-bye, making eye contact when talking, and complimenting each other frequently throughout the week. Does he not seem to hear you talking during certain times (ahem, when ESPN is on)? Don't try to make conversation while the TV is on. If it's important, press mute; otherwise, save conversations for dinner or your bedroom, where you're less likely to be interrupted.
Rut #5: Not FightingWhy it's bad: Disagreements are good in a marriage because you're expressing your individuality. Talking about issues when they first happen makes them easier to fix than if you wait until after they've festered.How to stop: Bring up what's on your mind in a way that shows your admiration and respect for each other's thoughts and feelings. Like, "It hurts my feelings when ______. I was hoping we could figure out a new way to handle the situation together." This will set the tone of the conversation as loving and calm, but you both have to compromise to keep it that way.
Rut #6: Going out More with Friends Than with Your SpouseWhy it's bad: It sends the message that your friends are more worthy of your time.How to stop: Schedule nights out with your crew a few times a month, but make sure to let your partner know in advance. It's important to have these friendships as long as they don't make your married time sparse. And it's always best that these friends are people your partner knows and trusts, so there's less reason to worry.
Rut #7: Being Too CloseWhy it's bad: As much as you think burping, scratching, picking, or farting is funny or cute, it can backfire and cross the line. It may be a reflection of your closeness, but there should be a limit. Otherwise, you're leaving your partner with a very unsexy image of you.How to stop: Start a new rule. If you wouldn't do it in front of your work friends, don't do it in front of your honey. To get your mate to refrain, say: "I know we're close, and we can share everything, but I'd really appreciate it if you'd leave the room, or leave me out, when you do that. It's not very sexy, and I don't want anything that makes you less sexy to me."
Rut #8: Sharing Too Much with Your Parents or In-lawsWhy it's bad: This shows a lack of loyalty to your spouse. Your parents shouldn't have any information that your spouse doesn't have. And they shouldn't know anything he wouldn't want them to know.How to stop: Be loyal to your spouse even when she's not present. If you wouldn't say something in front of her, don't say it at all. You would want the same in return.
[Nestpert] Dr. Susan Fletcher is a licensed psychologist in private practice and the author of Parenting in the Smart Zone
Monday, July 21, 2008
I feared
I Feared UNTIL……!!! I feared being aloneUntil I learned to like Myself.I feared failureUntil I realized that I only Fail when I don't try.I feared successUntil I realized that I had to try in order to be happy with myself..************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ***
I feared people's opinionsUntil I learned that people would have opinions about me anyway. I feared rejectionUntil I learned to have faith in myself.I feared painUntil I learned that it's necessary for growth************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* *******
I feared the truthUntil I saw the ugliness in lies.I feared lifeUntil I experienced its beauty .I feared deathUntil I realized that it's not an end, but a beginning. ************ ********* ********* ********* ****** I feared my destiny,Until I realized that I had the power to change my life.I feared hateUntil I saw that it was nothing more than ignorance.I feared loveUntil it touched my heart, making the darkness fade into endless sunny days.************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* *******I feared ridiculeUntil I learned how to laugh at myself. I feared growing oldUntil I realized that I gained wisdom every day.I feared the futureUntil I realized that Life just kept getting better.I feared the past Until I realized that It could no longer hurt me.************ ********* ********* ********* **
I feared the darkUntil I saw the beauty of the starlight.I feared the lightUntil I learned that the Truth would give me Strength.I feared change,Until I saw that even the most beautiful butterfly had to undergo a Metamorphosis before it could fly.************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* *
I feared people's opinionsUntil I learned that people would have opinions about me anyway. I feared rejectionUntil I learned to have faith in myself.I feared painUntil I learned that it's necessary for growth************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* *******
I feared the truthUntil I saw the ugliness in lies.I feared lifeUntil I experienced its beauty .I feared deathUntil I realized that it's not an end, but a beginning. ************ ********* ********* ********* ****** I feared my destiny,Until I realized that I had the power to change my life.I feared hateUntil I saw that it was nothing more than ignorance.I feared loveUntil it touched my heart, making the darkness fade into endless sunny days.************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* *******I feared ridiculeUntil I learned how to laugh at myself. I feared growing oldUntil I realized that I gained wisdom every day.I feared the futureUntil I realized that Life just kept getting better.I feared the past Until I realized that It could no longer hurt me.************ ********* ********* ********* **
I feared the darkUntil I saw the beauty of the starlight.I feared the lightUntil I learned that the Truth would give me Strength.I feared change,Until I saw that even the most beautiful butterfly had to undergo a Metamorphosis before it could fly.************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* *
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